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Top 60 Allie Brosh Quotes (2025 Update)
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Allie Brosh Quote: “I prepare for my new life as an adult like some people prepare for the apocalypse.”

51. “I prepare for my new life as an adult like some people prepare for the apocalypse.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “To me, the future doesn’t seem real. It’s just this magical place where I can put my responsibilities so that I don’t have to be scared while hurtling toward failure at eight hundred miles per hour.”

52. “To me, the future doesn’t seem real. It’s just this magical place where I can put my responsibilities so that I don’t have to be scared while hurtling toward failure at eight hundred miles per hour.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “I’ve gotten pretty good at making myself feel ashamed. I can even use shame in a theoretical sense to make myself do the right thing BEFORE I do the wrong thing. This skill could be described as “morality,” but I prefer to call it “How Horrible Can I Be Before I Experience a Prohibitive Amount of Shame?”

53. “I’ve gotten pretty good at making myself feel ashamed. I can even use shame in a theoretical sense to make myself do the right thing BEFORE I do the wrong thing. This skill could be described as “morality,” but I prefer to call it “How Horrible Can I Be Before I Experience a Prohibitive Amount of Shame?”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “I followed myself around like a bully, narrating my thoughts and actions with a constant stream of abuse.”

54. “I followed myself around like a bully, narrating my thoughts and actions with a constant stream of abuse.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “But when you’re concerned that the miserable, boring wasteland in front of you might stretch all the way into forever, not knowing feels strangely hope-like.”

55. “But when you’re concerned that the miserable, boring wasteland in front of you might stretch all the way into forever, not knowing feels strangely hope-like.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “So we all just stood there, feeling weird about ourselves and each other.”

56. “So we all just stood there, feeling weird about ourselves and each other.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “If this had been a real emergency, I wouldn’t have had to feel like that for very long. But it wasn’t a real emergency. Two seconds later, nothing had happened to me. And it continued to not happen, and continued to not happen, and continued to not happen. Which, in my opinion, is the biggest problem with not being immediately murdered by unstoppable spirit monsters. You have to figure out what to do with yourself.”

57. “If this had been a real emergency, I wouldn’t have had to feel like that for very long. But it wasn’t a real emergency. Two seconds later, nothing had happened to me. And it continued to not happen, and continued to not happen, and continued to not happen. Which, in my opinion, is the biggest problem with not being immediately murdered by unstoppable spirit monsters. You have to figure out what to do with yourself.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “Procrastination has become a it’s own solution – a tool I can use to push myself so close to disaster that I become terrified and flee towards success.”

58. “Procrastination has become a it’s own solution – a tool I can use to push myself so close to disaster that I become terrified and flee towards success.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “But, as long as you aren’t dead, you need something to do. And surviving is something to do.”

59. “But, as long as you aren’t dead, you need something to do. And surviving is something to do.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “Reality should follow through on what I think it is going to do.”

60. “Reality should follow through on what I think it is going to do.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “If you can’t win, start playing a different game and score just as many points.”

61. “If you can’t win, start playing a different game and score just as many points.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “We’re going to play a different game now. It’s called “who can yell ‘help’ the loudest and the most.”

62. “We’re going to play a different game now. It’s called “who can yell ‘help’ the loudest and the most.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “I had always viewed feelings as a weakness – annoying obstacles on my quest for total power over myself.”

63. “I had always viewed feelings as a weakness – annoying obstacles on my quest for total power over myself.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “The longer I procrastinate on returning phone calls and emails, the more guilty I feel about it. The guilt I feel causes me to avoid the issue further, which only leads to more guilt and more procrastination. It gets to the point where I don’t email someone for fear of reminding them that they emailed me and thus giving them a reason to be disappointed in me.”

64. “The longer I procrastinate on returning phone calls and emails, the more guilty I feel about it. The guilt I feel causes me to avoid the issue further, which only leads to more guilt and more procrastination. It gets to the point where I don’t email someone for fear of reminding them that they emailed me and thus giving them a reason to be disappointed in me.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “When I encounter someone I haven’t seen in a while, I have never once thought, I should jump at them and poke their face with my fingers and keep doing that until someone locks me in the bathroom. Because that’s insane. What would you think if I did that to your dog friends?”

65. “When I encounter someone I haven’t seen in a while, I have never once thought, I should jump at them and poke their face with my fingers and keep doing that until someone locks me in the bathroom. Because that’s insane. What would you think if I did that to your dog friends?”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “For a little while, I actually feel grown-up and responsible. I strut around with my head held high, looking the other responsible people in the eye with that knowing glance that says, I understand. I’m responsible now too. Just look at my groceries.”

66. “For a little while, I actually feel grown-up and responsible. I strut around with my head held high, looking the other responsible people in the eye with that knowing glance that says, I understand. I’m responsible now too. Just look at my groceries.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “Trimming your dogs nails is a traumatic event that requires three people, a beach towel, and a can of spray cheese.”

67. “Trimming your dogs nails is a traumatic event that requires three people, a beach towel, and a can of spray cheese.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “But as long as I figure out what’s going to happen before it actually happens – or hell, even while it’s happening – all the struggling and flailing might propel me away from it in time. Procrastination has become its own solution – a tool I can use to push myself so close to disaster that I become terrified and flee toward success. A more troubling matter is the day-to-day activities that don’t have massive consequences when I neglect to do them.”

68. “But as long as I figure out what’s going to happen before it actually happens – or hell, even while it’s happening – all the struggling and flailing might propel me away from it in time. Procrastination has become its own solution – a tool I can use to push myself so close to disaster that I become terrified and flee toward success. A more troubling matter is the day-to-day activities that don’t have massive consequences when I neglect to do them.”

— Allie Brosh

Allie Brosh Quote: “I suspect that, left to my own devices, I would completely lose control of my life.”

69. “I suspect that, left to my own devices, I would completely lose control of my life.”

— Allie Brosh

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