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Top 60 Allie Brosh Quotes (2026 Update)
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Allie Brosh Quote: “When you have to spend every social interacting manipulating your face into shapes that are only approximately the right ones, alienating people is inevitable.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “Procrastination has become a it’s own solution – a tool I can use to push myself so close to disaster that I become terrified and flee towards success.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “But, as long as you aren’t dead, you need something to do. And surviving is something to do.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “But when you’re concerned that the miserable, boring wasteland in front of you might stretch all the way into forever, not knowing feels strangely hope-like.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “Trimming your dogs nails is a traumatic event that requires three people, a beach towel, and a can of spray cheese.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “I prepare for my new life as an adult like some people prepare for the apocalypse.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “The longer I procrastinate on returning phone calls and emails, the more guilty I feel about it. The guilt I feel causes me to avoid the issue further, which only leads to more guilt and more procrastination. It gets to the point where I don’t email someone for fear of reminding them that they emailed me and thus giving them a reason to be disappointed in me.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “Reality should follow through on what I think it is going to do.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “If this had been a real emergency, I wouldn’t have had to feel like that for very long. But it wasn’t a real emergency. Two seconds later, nothing had happened to me. And it continued to not happen, and continued to not happen, and continued to not happen. Which, in my opinion, is the biggest problem with not being immediately murdered by unstoppable spirit monsters. You have to figure out what to do with yourself.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “One of the most terrifying things that has ever happened to me was watching myself over and over again – thirty-five days in a row – not to return a movie I had rented. Every day, I saw it sitting there on the arm of my couch. And every day, I thought, “I should really do something about that... ” and then I just didn’t.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “I had always viewed feelings as a weakness – annoying obstacles on my quest for total power over myself.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “I followed myself around like a bully, narrating my thoughts and actions with a constant stream of abuse.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “For a little while, I actually feel grown-up and responsible. I strut around with my head held high, looking the other responsible people in the eye with that knowing glance that says, I understand. I’m responsible now too. Just look at my groceries.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “But, against all odds, my gigantic ego continues to attempt greatness.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “When I encounter someone I haven’t seen in a while, I have never once thought, I should jump at them and poke their face with my fingers and keep doing that until someone locks me in the bathroom. Because that’s insane. What would you think if I did that to your dog friends?”
Allie Brosh Quote: “This is a reasonable point. And when you’re in full-on rage-ejection mode, there is nothing more infuriating than a reasonable point.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “Carl believes that he is better than everybody, when really, he is slightly worse than average.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “It wants to focus on being a good person, not just a barely not horrible one.”
Allie Brosh Quote: “I suspect that, left to my own devices, I would completely lose control of my life.”
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