Top 350 Amy Poehler Quotes (2024 Update)
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201. “If you are lucky, there is a moment in your life when you have some say as to what your currency is going to be. I decided early on it was not going to be my looks.”

— Amy Poehler

202. “President Bush threw out the first pitch Monday at Cincinnati’s great American ball park. 18 Iraqis were killed.”

— Amy Poehler

203. “Adventure and danger can be good for your heart and soul.”

— Amy Poehler

204. “We may all host ourselves to death, and if we’re all dead who will host our funerals?”

— Amy Poehler

205. “I looked around and thought about my life. I felt grateful. I noticed every detail. That is the key to time travel. You can only move if you are actually in the moment. You have to be where you are to get where you need to go... The more I time-travel the more I learn I am always just where I need to be.”

— Amy Poehler

206. “You can only move if you are actually in the moment. You have to be where you are to get where you need to go.”

— Amy Poehler

207. “We were also performing. We’d give them a list of, like, ‘Here’s how we want to be introduced’ They’d be like, ‘Great’ And then 5 minutes later they’d come back, ‘Bad news: we lost your list. But good news: we’ve got a trash bag full of weed!’”

— Amy Poehler

208. “But as my dear friend and relationship sponsor Louis CK has noted, “divorce is always good news because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce.”

— Amy Poehler

209. “Debbie Downer” was one of the few sketches where I broke, and I remember watching Heratio Sanz laugh so hard that tears squirted out of his eyes. I still believe that sketch may be a cure for low-level depression if watched regularly.”

— Amy Poehler

210. “Short people DO NOT like to be picked up.”

— Amy Poehler

211. “Is there a word for when you are young and pretending to have lived and loved a thousand lives? Is there a German word for that? Seems like there should be. Let’s say it is Schaufenfrieglasploit.”

— Amy Poehler

212. “People work around you and next to you and the universe waits for the perfect time to whisper in your ear, “Look this way.” There is someone in your life right now who may end up being your enemy, your wife, or your boss. Lift up your head and you may notice.”

— Amy Poehler

213. “I love you and I like you.”

— Amy Poehler

214. “If it’s not funny, you don’t have to laugh.”

— Amy Poehler

215. “Shame is difficult. It’s a weapon and a signal. It can paralyze or motivate. My friend Louis CK likes to say that “guilt is an intersection” Getting out of it means making a choice and moving forward.”

— Amy Poehler

216. “I am interested in people who swim in the deep end. I want to have conversations about real things with people who have experienced real things.”

— Amy Poehler

217. “Tall women are attracted to my littleness. I have a lot of tall female friends. They like how I am always looking up to them and I like having the option to jump into their pocket if I want to hide.”

— Amy Poehler

218. “Gone are the days when you took Henry James on the train and read it in front of cute guys to impress them.”

— Amy Poehler

219. “Nothing is more depressing than a tired dominatrix.”

— Amy Poehler

220. “A word about apologizing: It’s hard to do it without digging yourself in deeper. It’s also scary and that’s why we avoid the pain. We want so badly to plead our case and tell our story. The bad news is that everybody has a story. Everyone has a version of how things went down and how they participated.”

— Amy Poehler

221. “The things you have done for me – to help me, support me, surprise me, and make me happy – go above and beyond what any person deserves. You are all I need. I love you and I like you.”

— Amy Poehler

222. “You do it because the doing of it is the thing. The doing is the thing. The talking and worrying and thinking is not the thing.”

— Amy Poehler

223. “People are their most beautiful when they are laughing, crying, dancing, playing, telling the truth, and being chased in a fun way.”

— Amy Poehler

224. “Every mother needs a wife.”

— Amy Poehler

225. “Bedtime is fraught with fear and disappointment. When it is just me alone with my restless body and mind, I feel like the whole world is asleep and gone. It’s very lonely. I am tired of being tired and talking about how tired I am.”

— Amy Poehler

226. “I don’t miss the frustration of youth, the anticipation of love and pain, the paralysis of choices still ahead. The pressure of “What are you going to do?” makes everybody feel like they haven’t done anything yet.”

— Amy Poehler

227. “Yes Please is an attempt to present an open scrapbook that includes a sense of what I am thinking and feeling right now. But mostly, let’s call this book what it really is: an obvious money grab to support my notorious online shopping addiction. I have already spent the advance on fancy washcloths from Amazon, so I need this book to really sell a lot of copies or else I am in trouble. Chop-chop, people.”

— Amy Poehler

228. “My generation was obsessed with scoliosis. Judy Blume dedicated an entire novel to it. At least once a month we would line up in the gym, lift our shirts, and bend over, while some creepy old doctor ran his finger up and down our spines. Nuclear war was a high-concept threat, two words that often rang out in political speeches or on the six o-clock news. Our spines. Lice. Nuclear war. The Big Three.”

— Amy Poehler

229. “I don’t like crowds because I am small and fear being trampled. My ideal night out is a dinner party in my backyard with a group of like-minded friends whom I boss around in a gentle and loving way.”

— Amy Poehler

230. “Imagine spreading everything you care about on a blanket and then tossing the whole thing up in the air. The process of divorce is about loading that blanket, throwing it up, watching it all spin, and worrying what stuff will break when it lands.”

— Amy Poehler

231. “During a recent trip to Amsterdam, she sent me a picture of her smoking marijuana for the first time just because I asked her to.”

— Amy Poehler

232. “Some people give their demon so much room that there is no space in their head or bed for love.”

— Amy Poehler

233. “Jon Bon Jovi went into his own archives and got out the actual outfit he had worn twenty years before during the Slippery When Wet Tour. It still fit. Jon Bon keeps it tight.”

— Amy Poehler

234. “PUDDING IS DELICIOUS.”

— Amy Poehler

235. “I firmly believe that every boy needs his mom to love him and every girl needs her dad to pay attention to her.”

— Amy Poehler

236. “I plan on lying to my children about most of my drug use. I had a friend who told her adolescent son he was allergic to pot, and if he tried it he would break out into hives. This lasted for a while until one of his friends gently suggested maybe she had made that fact up. His whole world was blown. He came to her asking, “Did you make that up? How could you?” and she said, “Of course I did. Let me make you a BLT.” I think this is a terrific idea. I think we don’t lie to our children enough.”

— Amy Poehler

237. “Writing can be thankless. People treat writing like it’s some elegant act but it’s usually lonely and isolating. You will struggle over a piece of writing and then get to set and some dumb actor will say it wrong or immediately want to change it.”

— Amy Poehler

238. “It is no longer unusual for people who choose surrogacy, gay adoption, IVF, international and domestic adoption, fostering, and childlessness to live side by side and quietly judge each other. We can all live in peace thinking our way is the best way and everything else is cuckoo.”

— Amy Poehler

239. “MTV introduced me to punk music and gay people.”

— Amy Poehler

240. “I didn’t really know who I was, but improv had taught me that I could be anyone. I didn’t have to wait to be cast – I could give myself the part. I could be an old man or a teenage babysitter or a rodeo clown. In three short years Chicago had taught me that I could decide who I was. My only job was to surround myself with people who respected and supported that choice. Being foolish was the smartest thing to do.”

— Amy Poehler

241. “Depending on your career is like eating cake for breakfast and wondering why you start crying an hour later.”

— Amy Poehler

242. “Finally, thank you, Dolly Parton. Just because.”

— Amy Poehler

243. “I still wish this book was just a compendium of searing photographs I took in Afghanistan during my years as a sexy war correspondent, but hey, there is still time.”

— Amy Poehler

244. “Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I’m proud that Mike Schur and I rejected the idea that creativity needs to come from chaos. I like how we ran our writers’ room and our set. People had a great time when they came to work on our show and that mattered to us. I like to think the spirit we had on set found its way onto the show.”

— Amy Poehler

245. “We all have a tiny whispery voice inside of us, but the bad ones are usually at a lower register and come through a little clearer. I don’t know where the good voice came from. It was a mix of loving parents, luck, and me. But ever since I was a small child, I would look at places where I wanted to be and believe I would eventually be on the other side of the glass.”

— Amy Poehler

246. “Someday you will wake up feeling 51 percent happy and slowly, molecule by molecule, you will feel like yourself again. Or you will lose your mind and turn into a crazy person. Either way, let’s just hope you avoided tattoos, because most are pretty stupid anyway.”

— Amy Poehler

247. “Anger and embarrassment are often neighbors. Sometimes we get defensive about what we feel guilty about.”

— Amy Poehler

248. “I recently hurt myself on a treadmill and it wasn’t even on. I was adjusting my speed and stepped wrong and twisted my ankle. I felt a moment of frustration filled with immediate relief. I didn’t have to actually work out, but I still got credit for trying. It was a gym snow day.”

— Amy Poehler

249. “Your brain is not your friend when you need to apologize. Your brain and your ego and your intellect all remind you of the “facts.”

— Amy Poehler

250. “The accent is a really hard thing for me. It reminds me of my family and my childhood, but it’s one of the worst-sounding accents out there. I love Boston, but we sound like idiots.”

— Amy Poehler