Top 350 Amy Poehler Quotes (2024 Update)
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301. “Annie taught me that orphanages were a blast and being rich is the only thing that matters. Grease taught me being in a gang is nonstop fun and you need to dress sexier to have any chance of keeping a guy interested.”

— Amy Poehler

302. “People who are committing and taking risks become the king and queen of my prom.”

— Amy Poehler

303. “Teenage bodies should be filled with Vonnegut and meatball subs, not opiates that create glassy-eyed party monsters.”

— Amy Poehler

304. “Career is different. Career is the stringing together of opportunities and jobs. Mix in public opinion and past regrets. Add a dash of future panic and a whole lot of financial uncertainty.”

— Amy Poehler

305. “When I left SNL, I gave Seth a badge of courage, like Dorothy give to the Cowardly Lion... He kept it in his pocket during “Update” until he didn’t need it anymore. Now it sits in a box on his desk at Late Night.”

— Amy Poehler

306. “The biggest lie and biggest crime is that we all do this alone and look down on people who don’t. Can’t we all agree that more eyes on a kid is ultimately better?”

— Amy Poehler

307. “I don’t like disappointing people. Some would say that this is “codependent behavior”, which I have discovered is a term that explains how most everyone acts all the time, unless one is a sociopath or a Russian computer that plays chess.”

— Amy Poehler

308. “In my high school yearbook I was voted third runner-up for “Most Casual.” I never figured out if that meant most casual in dress or in overall manner. In any case, I didn’t come in first. I guess the two ahead of me wanted it less.”

— Amy Poehler

309. “He was the first important person in my life to die, and when he did, it was the first time I realized that life is not fair or safe or even ours to own. I miss him.”

— Amy Poehler

310. “I am allowed to have healthy self-esteem.”

— Amy Poehler

311. “Speaking of music, we will arrive with our own. We plan on delivering our baby to the soundtrack of Pink Floyd’s The Wall while simultaneously watching The Wizard of Oz. If this kid works with us, we guarantee your minds will be blown!”

— Amy Poehler

312. “The eighties were a strange time for teenage fashion. We wore silk blouses and shoulder pads, neon earrings and jodhpur pants. Come to think of it, our pants were especially weird. We also wore stirrup pants, parachute pants, and velvet knickers. It was a real experimental pant time.”

— Amy Poehler

313. “I know how good I am at bemoaning my process and pretending I don’t care so that my final product will seem totally natural and part of my essence and not something I sweated for months and years.”

— Amy Poehler

314. “Now I just want to sit down and have someone perform my five favorite songs while I eat a light dinner and receive a simultaneous pedicure.”

— Amy Poehler

315. “The lessons? Women are mighty. George Clooney loves bits. Doing something is often more fun than doing it alone. And you don’t always have to win to get the pudding.”

— Amy Poehler

316. “And then you just do it. You just dig in and write it.”

— Amy Poehler

317. “The only way we will survive is by being kind.”

— Amy Poehler

318. “Someday you will wake up feeling 51 percent happy and slowly, molecule by molecule, you will feel like yourself again.”

— Amy Poehler

319. “The “yes” comes from my improvisational days and the opportunity that comes with youth, and the “please” comes from the wisdom of knowing that agreeing to do something usually means you aren’t doing it alone.”

— Amy Poehler

320. “The more I time-travel the more I learn I am always just where I need to be.”

— Amy Poehler

321. “The sleep deprivation after children is so real. I liken it to what it must feel like to walk on the moon and to cry the whole time because you had heard that the moon was supposed to be great but in truth it totally sucks.”

— Amy Poehler

322. “Feeling invisible means you can float. You can decide to travel without permission.”

— Amy Poehler

323. “Apologies have nothing to do with you. They are balloons in the sky. They may never land. They may even choke a bird.”

— Amy Poehler

324. “Our parents surround us with origin stories that create deep grooves in the vinyl records of our lives.”

— Amy Poehler

325. “Also, even though I’m bossy, I like being told what to do by people who are smarter and more interesting than me.”

— Amy Poehler

326. “I was a really good waitress. Waitressing takes a certain gusto. You need a good memory and an ability to connect with people fast. You have to learn how to treat the kitchen as well as you treat the customers. You have to figure out which crazy people to listen to and which crazy people to ignore. I loved waiting tables because when you cashed out at the end of the night your job was truly over. You wiped down your section and paid out your busboy and you knew your work was done.”

— Amy Poehler

327. “It was hard to feel like somebody didn’t like me. It felt like such a failure. I don’t care as much now. It’s really great. It’s like I can finally eat spicy food without the gut ache later, or something similar. I have a stomach for other people not stomaching me. Or at least I am working on it.”

— Amy Poehler

328. “I didn’t really know what kind of actor I wanted to be back then. I didn’t have a real plan or even a mentor to follow. I just knew the things I didn’t want. I didn’t want to be tied down and stuck. I didn’t want to decide who I was going to marry or where I was going to live.”

— Amy Poehler

329. “I am introducing a new idea. Try to care less. Practice ambivalence. Learn to let go of wanting it.”

— Amy Poehler

330. “Gerthe also talked about travel. She talked about living in Jamaica. She joked about her husband and her haircut, because she is more than the earthquake. A person’s tragedy does not make up their entire life. A story carves deep grooves into our brains each time we tell it. But we aren’t one story.”

— Amy Poehler

331. “I loved school. I loved new shoes and lunch boxes and sharp pencils. I would hold dance contests in tiny finished basements with my friends. I roller-skated in my driveway and walked home from the bus stop on my own. We never locked our door. I had a younger brother whom I loved and also liked. I thought my mother was the most beautiful mother in the world and my father was a superhero who would always protect me. I wish this feeling for every child on earth.”

— Amy Poehler

332. “I am here to tell you that you don’t have to. You don’t have to tell it or tweet it or Instagram it. You don’t have to put it in a book or share it with anyone who doesn’t feel safe and protective of your heart.”

— Amy Poehler

333. “You guys missed my cue,” I said. “No one noticed.” “I did.” “Relax, it was great.” “Relax” is a real tough one for me. Another tough one is “smile.” “Smile” doesn’t really work either. Telling me to relax or smile when I’m angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary. You’re just asking to get your nose and genitals bitten off.”

— Amy Poehler

334. “There should be some kind of pregnancy superhero movie. Calling Hollywood now. What’s that, Hollywood? It’s a weird idea and also you don’t do movies with female superheroes? Copy that.”

— Amy Poehler

335. “We all have a tiny whispery voice inside of us, but the bad ones are usually at a lower register and come through a little clearer.”

— Amy Poehler

336. “Even demons gotta sleep.”

— Amy Poehler

337. “I wrote it ugly and in pieces.”

— Amy Poehler

338. “But I was eventually okay. And you will be okay too. Here’s why. I had already made a decision early on that I would be a plain girl with tons of personality, and accepting it made everything a lot easier.”

— Amy Poehler

339. “Your career and your passion don’t always match up.”

— Amy Poehler

340. “I do a weird thing when I am nervous where I tilt my head back like I am super confident. This is my attempt to fake it until I make it, or at the very least make it easier for someone to slit my throat.”

— Amy Poehler

341. “Good for her! Not for me.”

— Amy Poehler

342. “Sometimes this book stays in the present, other times I try to cut myself in half and count the rings. Occasionally I think about the future, but I try to do that sparingly because it usually makes me anxious.”

— Amy Poehler

343. “I was told I resembled a cartoon chicken, which is still true, especially after a rough weekend. My parents tell stories about my staring at them from the crib at all hours of the night. Sounds pretty creepy, right? A pale, bald and tiny baby bird peering out through the slats of its cage, challenging the adults to an all-night staring contest?”

— Amy Poehler

344. “A war raged between my jokey and protective brain and my squishy and tender heart. I have realized that mystery is what keeps people away, and I’ve grown tired of smoke and mirrors. I yearn for the clean, well-lighted place. So let’s peek behind the curtain and hail the others like us. The open-faced sandwiches who take risks and live big and smile with all of their teeth. These are the people I want to be around. This is the honest way I want to live and love and write.”

— Amy Poehler

345. “He handed me a rope and it was up to me whether I would climb it or use it to hang myself.”

— Amy Poehler

346. “It can be hard, this life. Beautiful too.”

— Amy Poehler

347. “I think it’s glorious to be nervous. Being nervous is great! How often do we get nervous on a daily basis? Being slightly nervous means you care, and you’re alive, and you’re taking some kind of risk. Hooray for being nervous! A friend told me to substitute the word ‘excitement’ for ‘nervous’. That way you acknowledge the physical feelings without putting a negative spin on things. So to answer your question, sometimes I still get so excited about ‘Update’ that I want to throw up.”

— Amy Poehler

348. “I think middle age begins once you start looking forward to eating dinner before six thirty, or when you call the cops when your next-door neighbor has a party.”

— Amy Poehler

349. “Pretending to not want something can work. Really not caring if you get it takes a lifetime of practice.”

— Amy Poehler

350. “There are so many people in the world with so little. Who cares why you decide to help?”

— Amy Poehler