Top 350 Amy Poehler Quotes (2024 Update)
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301. “Apologies have nothing to do with you. They are balloons in the sky.”

— Amy Poehler

302. “You are six or twelve or fifteen and you look in the mirror and you hear a voice so awful and mean that it takes your breath away. It tells you that you are fat and ugly and you don’t deserve love. And the scary part is the demon is your own voice.”

— Amy Poehler

303. “I don’t like disappointing people. Some would say that this is “codependent behavior”, which I have discovered is a term that explains how most everyone acts all the time, unless one is a sociopath or a Russian computer that plays chess.”

— Amy Poehler

304. “I am allowed to have healthy self-esteem.”

— Amy Poehler

305. “Instead of asking students to “declare their major” we should ask students to “list what they will do anything to avoid”. It just makes a lot more sense.”

— Amy Poehler

306. “Remember, your career is a bad boyfriend. It likes you when you don’t depend on it.”

— Amy Poehler

307. “Sometimes I worry that not enough people hate me.”

— Amy Poehler

308. “The sleep deprivation after children is so real. I liken it to what it must feel like to walk on the moon and to cry the whole time because you had heard that the moon was supposed to be great but in truth it totally sucks.”

— Amy Poehler

309. “The “yes” comes from my improvisational days and the opportunity that comes with youth, and the “please” comes from the wisdom of knowing that agreeing to do something usually means you aren’t doing it alone.”

— Amy Poehler

310. “It was hard to feel like somebody didn’t like me. It felt like such a failure. I don’t care as much now. It’s really great. It’s like I can finally eat spicy food without the gut ache later, or something similar. I have a stomach for other people not stomaching me. Or at least I am working on it.”

— Amy Poehler

311. “I didn’t really know what kind of actor I wanted to be back then. I didn’t have a real plan or even a mentor to follow. I just knew the things I didn’t want. I didn’t want to be tied down and stuck. I didn’t want to decide who I was going to marry or where I was going to live.”

— Amy Poehler

312. “Apologies have nothing to do with you. They are balloons in the sky. They may never land. They may even choke a bird.”

— Amy Poehler

313. “Our parents surround us with origin stories that create deep grooves in the vinyl records of our lives.”

— Amy Poehler

314. “Also, even though I’m bossy, I like being told what to do by people who are smarter and more interesting than me.”

— Amy Poehler

315. “I was a really good waitress. Waitressing takes a certain gusto. You need a good memory and an ability to connect with people fast. You have to learn how to treat the kitchen as well as you treat the customers. You have to figure out which crazy people to listen to and which crazy people to ignore. I loved waiting tables because when you cashed out at the end of the night your job was truly over. You wiped down your section and paid out your busboy and you knew your work was done.”

— Amy Poehler

316. “You guys missed my cue,” I said. “No one noticed.” “I did.” “Relax, it was great.” “Relax” is a real tough one for me. Another tough one is “smile.” “Smile” doesn’t really work either. Telling me to relax or smile when I’m angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary. You’re just asking to get your nose and genitals bitten off.”

— Amy Poehler

317. “There should be some kind of pregnancy superhero movie. Calling Hollywood now. What’s that, Hollywood? It’s a weird idea and also you don’t do movies with female superheroes? Copy that.”

— Amy Poehler

318. “I am introducing a new idea. Try to care less. Practice ambivalence. Learn to let go of wanting it.”

— Amy Poehler

319. “Gerthe also talked about travel. She talked about living in Jamaica. She joked about her husband and her haircut, because she is more than the earthquake. A person’s tragedy does not make up their entire life. A story carves deep grooves into our brains each time we tell it. But we aren’t one story.”

— Amy Poehler

320. “I loved school. I loved new shoes and lunch boxes and sharp pencils. I would hold dance contests in tiny finished basements with my friends. I roller-skated in my driveway and walked home from the bus stop on my own. We never locked our door. I had a younger brother whom I loved and also liked. I thought my mother was the most beautiful mother in the world and my father was a superhero who would always protect me. I wish this feeling for every child on earth.”

— Amy Poehler

321. “I am here to tell you that you don’t have to. You don’t have to tell it or tweet it or Instagram it. You don’t have to put it in a book or share it with anyone who doesn’t feel safe and protective of your heart.”

— Amy Poehler

322. “Even demons gotta sleep.”

— Amy Poehler

323. “We all have a tiny whispery voice inside of us, but the bad ones are usually at a lower register and come through a little clearer.”

— Amy Poehler

324. “Sometimes this book stays in the present, other times I try to cut myself in half and count the rings. Occasionally I think about the future, but I try to do that sparingly because it usually makes me anxious.”

— Amy Poehler

325. “I was told I resembled a cartoon chicken, which is still true, especially after a rough weekend. My parents tell stories about my staring at them from the crib at all hours of the night. Sounds pretty creepy, right? A pale, bald and tiny baby bird peering out through the slats of its cage, challenging the adults to an all-night staring contest?”

— Amy Poehler

326. “Your career and your passion don’t always match up.”

— Amy Poehler

327. “Good for her! Not for me.”

— Amy Poehler

328. “It can be hard, this life. Beautiful too.”

— Amy Poehler

329. “A war raged between my jokey and protective brain and my squishy and tender heart. I have realized that mystery is what keeps people away, and I’ve grown tired of smoke and mirrors. I yearn for the clean, well-lighted place. So let’s peek behind the curtain and hail the others like us. The open-faced sandwiches who take risks and live big and smile with all of their teeth. These are the people I want to be around. This is the honest way I want to live and love and write.”

— Amy Poehler

330. “He handed me a rope and it was up to me whether I would climb it or use it to hang myself.”

— Amy Poehler

331. “There are so many people in the world with so little. Who cares why you decide to help?”

— Amy Poehler

332. “At first we only knew a few things: we wanted to make content we would have watched when we were younger, and we wanted to end our episodes with a dance party. Spontaneous dance parties are important in my life. I have one in the makeup trailer almost every afternoon on Parks and Recreation. Dancing is the great equalizer. It gets people out of their heads and into their bodies. I think if you can dance and be free and not embarrassed you can rule the world.”

— Amy Poehler

333. “I think it’s glorious to be nervous. Being nervous is great! How often do we get nervous on a daily basis? Being slightly nervous means you care, and you’re alive, and you’re taking some kind of risk. Hooray for being nervous! A friend told me to substitute the word ‘excitement’ for ‘nervous’. That way you acknowledge the physical feelings without putting a negative spin on things. So to answer your question, sometimes I still get so excited about ‘Update’ that I want to throw up.”

— Amy Poehler

334. “I think middle age begins once you start looking forward to eating dinner before six thirty, or when you call the cops when your next-door neighbor has a party.”

— Amy Poehler

335. “I don’t miss the frustration of youth, the anticipation of love and pain, the paralysis of choices still ahead. The pressure of “What are you going to do?” makes everybody feel like they haven’t done anything yet. Young people can remind us to take chances and be angry and stop our patterns. Old people can remind us to laugh more and get focused and make friends with our patterns. Young and old need to relax in the moment and live where they are.”

— Amy Poehler

336. “The best way I can explain a panic attack is that it’s the feeling of someone inside my body stacking it with books. The books continue to pile up and they make me feel like I can’t breathe.”

— Amy Poehler

337. “It’s a struggle for me to remain open,” she admits. “To not shut down because I’m defensive or scared or maybe my ego is getting in the way. And the other side of that is just believing that I belong where I am and deserve to take up space. I fight constantly between those two things, between not apologizing for what I want and staying vulnerable and creatively supple and not thinking I know better than everyone else.”

— Amy Poehler

338. “Now everything is backed up on the cloud and you can find your phone if you lose it in a taxi. Don’t you realize it’s only a matter of time before our phones can FIND US?”

— Amy Poehler

339. “Let me offer this apology. Please excuse this self-indulgent preface. I know what I am doing. I am presenting a series of reasons as to why you should lower your expectations, so that you can be blown away by my sneaky insights about life and work. I am a grown woman. I know my own tricks!”

— Amy Poehler

340. “All of my lower-middle-class Boston issues rose to the surface. I don’t like it when bratty, privileged old white guys speak to me like I am their mouthy niece. I got that amazing feeling you get when you know you are going to lose it in the best, most self-righteous way. I just leaned back and yelled, “FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU.” Then I chased him as he tried to get away from me.”

— Amy Poehler

341. “Annie taught me that orphanages were a blast and being rich is the only thing that matters. Grease taught me being in a gang is nonstop fun and you need to dress sexier to have any chance of keeping a guy interested. But The Wizard of Oz was the ultimate. It dealt with friendship and fear and death and rainbows and sparkly red shoes.”

— Amy Poehler

342. “Your ability to navigate and tolerate change and its painful uncomfortableness directly correlates to your happiness and general well-being.”

— Amy Poehler

343. “A word about apologizing: It’s hard to do it without digging yourself in deeper.”

— Amy Poehler

344. “I don’t remember; I was in a rage haze. Also I was showing off, which can be at the very least embarrassingly transparent and at the very worst.”

— Amy Poehler

345. “Now on to politics. What’s the deal, guys? Seriously. I mean, come on. Get it together. It’s like, when are we going to wake up? It’s all crazy. Who’s with me. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.”

— Amy Poehler

346. “You are all so good and I wish I were better. Now get out of here because I want to be where you are.”

— Amy Poehler

347. “I love Boston, but we sound like idiots.”

— Amy Poehler

348. “Kiss every baby, and pet every dog. Walk slowly, and lie down when you’re tired. What’s next?”

— Amy Poehler

349. “A watched cervix never dilates.”

— Amy Poehler

350. “When I left SNL, I gave Seth a badge of courage, like Dorothy give to the Cowardly Lion... He kept it in his pocket during “Update” until he didn’t need it anymore. Now it sits in a box on his desk at Late Night.”

— Amy Poehler