Top 100 Amy Sedaris Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.”

— Amy Sedaris

2. “I think it’s good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.”

— Amy Sedaris

3. “I live in the moment.”

— Amy Sedaris

4. “Accentuaute the positives – medicate the negatives.”

— Amy Sedaris

5. “I love depressing movies and depressing books.”

— Amy Sedaris

6. “Crafting is putting ideas into action and then holding them together with an inexpensive adhesive.”

— Amy Sedaris

7. “My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.”

— Amy Sedaris

8. “My mother always said ‘Don’t bother other people.’ I think that’s good advice.”

— Amy Sedaris

9. “There’s humor in everything. There’s gotta be humor in everything.”

— Amy Sedaris

10. “Poof! It’s magic!”

— Amy Sedaris

11. “Usually, the best ideas come from other people’s good ideas, which then, after a short gestation period, become your ideas.”

— Amy Sedaris

12. “You think in a different way when you don’t have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use your imagination to come up with stuff.”

— Amy Sedaris

13. “I love costumes. My dream growing up was always to have my own costume and prop shop.”

— Amy Sedaris

14. “I have a couple freeloader friends, but it’s okay. I know they’re gonna come in with their arms flying in the air empty-handed.”

— Amy Sedaris

15. “My little brother Paul. He owns his own floor sanding business called Silly P Hardwood Floors and hes really good.”

— Amy Sedaris

16. “Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.”

— Amy Sedaris

17. “Crafting, or ‘making things,’ has always been a delightful pastime of mine because it requires putting common elements together in order to achieve a lovely something that nobody needs.”

— Amy Sedaris

18. “I have a lot of fake food in my apartment, but I’m picky about it. Old plaster food, like from the ’50s is really nice, hollowed out paper-mache food from old plays – the new stuff just looks too good.”

— Amy Sedaris

19. “I’d just much rather see an ugly person take the trash out than see somebody really pretty taking the trash out.”

— Amy Sedaris

20. “I’m very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to make things. I don’t break that down to be weakness, or the only things women can do, or putting me back 20 years.”

— Amy Sedaris

21. “I have always wanted a bunny and I’ll always have a rabbit the rest of my life.”

— Amy Sedaris

22. “I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you’re stupid.”

— Amy Sedaris

23. “I love old cookbooks. I just got such a kick out of them, how the color would be way off or fake looking. The cook books now look so much like magazines, you’ll never make food that looks like that. I’d rather see it the ugly way than they way they do it now.”

— Amy Sedaris

24. “A lot of times girls think they’re funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.”

— Amy Sedaris

25. “On the off chance that you have children, don’t clean up at all. As children, my brother and sister and I loved waking up early and playing cocktail party with the leftover debris.”

— Amy Sedaris

26. “Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it’s this new arts channel, it’s really great.”

— Amy Sedaris

27. “Learn more about yourself! Make a self-esteem collage using pictures of other people you wish you were.”

— Amy Sedaris

28. “Sometimes it’s just enough for me to have the idea. I don’t need to see it through to the end. When it actually happens, I’m always disappointed because it’s never like what I imagined in my head. When an idea becomes a reality, then it’s a job. I’d rather just think about it.”

— Amy Sedaris

29. “I feel confident writing on my feet with improv, but it’s different when you’re sitting down and writing it out.”

— Amy Sedaris

30. “A lot of crafters, they’re shut-ins.”

— Amy Sedaris

31. “If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that’s not necessarily psychic. But I always feel like there’s something around me protecting me.”

— Amy Sedaris

32. “When I meet a new person, something has to be a little off for me to consider them beautiful. It could be crooked teeth, or veins in their skin that are a little too visible, or a really dramatic lazy eye. The first guy I ever kissed had a water head.”

— Amy Sedaris

33. “I’m gonna do the whole bedroom in camel color – it’s an old lady color.”

— Amy Sedaris

34. “I always find something to keep me busy.”

— Amy Sedaris

35. “I wouldn’t call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But because I’m such a homebody, it’s important to be surrounded by things I love.”

— Amy Sedaris

36. “I wasn’t a cliquey person, and I think that’s because I came from a large family. I got along with everybody, and I usually got along with the people that people didn’t like.”

— Amy Sedaris

37. “I want witchcraft so bad that I can’t stand it. I have wands in my apartment. And I use them sometimes. I walk into the kitchen with my wand, and I come out with something on a platter and I say, ‘See, magic happens.’ Works every time.”

— Amy Sedaris

38. “I’m not a good storyteller. I always think I’m going to get interrupted, or something’s going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off.”

— Amy Sedaris

39. “I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.”

— Amy Sedaris

40. “Don’t leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.”

— Amy Sedaris

Featured in: Romance Quotes

41. “I am an aging Girl Scout.”

— Amy Sedaris

42. “All my muscles are in my face. I have a very muscular face. I’m good with faces. I always have been.”

— Amy Sedaris

43. “If I know I have to memorize lines, I’m really gonna try to memorize lines. It’s hard for me sometimes, because somebody wrote these words and you’re trying really hard to get them the way they said it.”

— Amy Sedaris

44. “Begin your story with a sentence that will immediately grab hold of your listener’s ears like a surly nun in a Catholic school.”

— Amy Sedaris

45. “There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be a hospitable person and have groups of people in your home touching your personables.”

— Amy Sedaris

46. “You know when you watch old movies, it’s always the small parts you remember, the character actors who come in like a breath of fresh air.”

— Amy Sedaris

47. “It’s natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires.”

— Amy Sedaris

48. “The moment someone says, ‘Hey, everyone, listen to the words in this song,’ your party is over.”

— Amy Sedaris

49. “Don’t associate me with comedy. And please don’t say actress. I would never call myself any of those things. I hate it when people call me that.”

— Amy Sedaris

50. “Gay guys know how to craft, and they craft really well. Straight guys, forget it.”

— Amy Sedaris