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Top 25 Bessel van der Kolk Quotes (2026 Update)

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “The parent-child connection is the most powerful mental health intervention known to mankind.”

1. “The parent-child connection is the most powerful mental health intervention known to mankind.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Featured in: Psychology Quotes, Mental Health Quotes, Healing Quotes, Parenting Quotes

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “People have a range of capacities to deal with overwhelming experience. Some people, some kids particularly, are able to disappear into a fantasy world, to dissociate, to pretend like it isnt happening, and are able to go on with their lives. And sometimes it comes back to haunt them.”

2. “People have a range of capacities to deal with overwhelming experience. Some people, some kids particularly, are able to disappear into a fantasy world, to dissociate, to pretend like it isnt happening, and are able to go on with their lives. And sometimes it comes back to haunt them.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “You can’t see the glory of life if you haven’t seen the dark side of life.”

3. “You can’t see the glory of life if you haven’t seen the dark side of life.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health;.”

4. “Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health;.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Language gives us the power to change ourselves and others by communicating our experiences, helping us to define what we know, and finding a common sense of meaning.”

5. “Language gives us the power to change ourselves and others by communicating our experiences, helping us to define what we know, and finding a common sense of meaning.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Desensitization to our own or to other people’s pain tends to lead to an overall blunting of emotional sensitivity.”

6. “Desensitization to our own or to other people’s pain tends to lead to an overall blunting of emotional sensitivity.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “The trauma that started “out there” is now played out on the battlefield of their own bodies, usually without a conscious connection between what happened back then and what is going on right now inside.”

7. “The trauma that started “out there” is now played out on the battlefield of their own bodies, usually without a conscious connection between what happened back then and what is going on right now inside.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “As we grow up, we gradually learn to take care of ourselves, both physically and emotionally, but we get our first lessons in self-care from the way that we are cared for. Mastering the skill of self-regulation depends to a large degree on how harmonious our early interactions with our caregivers are. Children whose parents are reliable sources of comfort and strength have a lifetime advantage – a kind of buffer against the worst that fate can hand them.”

8. “As we grow up, we gradually learn to take care of ourselves, both physically and emotionally, but we get our first lessons in self-care from the way that we are cared for. Mastering the skill of self-regulation depends to a large degree on how harmonious our early interactions with our caregivers are. Children whose parents are reliable sources of comfort and strength have a lifetime advantage – a kind of buffer against the worst that fate can hand them.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Trauma is the ultimate experience of “this will last forever.”

9. “Trauma is the ultimate experience of “this will last forever.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “The idea that we’re asking our young people to go out in the world completely alone and call themselves independent is crazy. We need to teach them how to be interdependent, which means teaching them how to have relationships.”

10. “The idea that we’re asking our young people to go out in the world completely alone and call themselves independent is crazy. We need to teach them how to be interdependent, which means teaching them how to have relationships.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “For many people the war begins at home:.”

11. “For many people the war begins at home:.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “In important ways, an experience does not really exist until it can be named and placed into larger categories.”

12. “In important ways, an experience does not really exist until it can be named and placed into larger categories.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “People with PTSD have their floodgates wide open. Lacking a filter, they are on constant sensory overload. In order to cope, they try to shut themselves down and develop tunnel vision and hyperfocus.”

13. “People with PTSD have their floodgates wide open. Lacking a filter, they are on constant sensory overload. In order to cope, they try to shut themselves down and develop tunnel vision and hyperfocus.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Isolating oneself into a narrowly defined victim group promotes a view of others as irrelevant at best and dangerous at worst, which eventually only leads to further alienation.”

14. “Isolating oneself into a narrowly defined victim group promotes a view of others as irrelevant at best and dangerous at worst, which eventually only leads to further alienation.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “However, traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside.”

15. “However, traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Bowlby himself told me that just such boarding-school experiences probably inspired George Orwell’s novel 1984, which brilliantly expresses how human beings may be induced to sacrifice everything they hold dear and true – including their sense of self – for the sake of being loved and approved of by someone in a position of authority.”

16. “Bowlby himself told me that just such boarding-school experiences probably inspired George Orwell’s novel 1984, which brilliantly expresses how human beings may be induced to sacrifice everything they hold dear and true – including their sense of self – for the sake of being loved and approved of by someone in a position of authority.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Our bodies are the texts that carry the memories and therefore remembering is no less than reincarnation. – Katie Cannon.”

17. “Our bodies are the texts that carry the memories and therefore remembering is no less than reincarnation. – Katie Cannon.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “These reactions are irrational and largely outside people’s control. Intense and barely controllable urges and emotions make people feel crazy – and makes them feel they don’t belong to the human race. Feeling numb during birthday parties for your kids or in response to the death of loved ones makes people feel like monsters. As a result, shame becomes the dominant emotion and hiding the truth the central preoccupation.”

18. “These reactions are irrational and largely outside people’s control. Intense and barely controllable urges and emotions make people feel crazy – and makes them feel they don’t belong to the human race. Feeling numb during birthday parties for your kids or in response to the death of loved ones makes people feel like monsters. As a result, shame becomes the dominant emotion and hiding the truth the central preoccupation.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “How do horrific experiences cause people to become hopelessly stuck in the past? What happens in people’s minds and brains that keeps them frozen, trapped in a place they desperately wish to escape?”

19. “How do horrific experiences cause people to become hopelessly stuck in the past? What happens in people’s minds and brains that keeps them frozen, trapped in a place they desperately wish to escape?”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Defects in any of these areas are likely to manifest themselves later in life. A child who has been ignored or chronically humiliated is likely to lack self-respect. Children who have not been allowed to assert themselves will probably have difficulty standing up for themselves as adults, and most grown-ups who were brutalized as children carry a smoldering rage that will take a great deal of energy to contain.”

20. “Defects in any of these areas are likely to manifest themselves later in life. A child who has been ignored or chronically humiliated is likely to lack self-respect. Children who have not been allowed to assert themselves will probably have difficulty standing up for themselves as adults, and most grown-ups who were brutalized as children carry a smoldering rage that will take a great deal of energy to contain.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “We concluded that Beecher’s speculation that “strong emotions can block pain” was the result of the release of morphinelike substances manufactured in the brain. This suggested that for many traumatized people, reexposure to stress might provide a similar relief from anxiety.”

21. “We concluded that Beecher’s speculation that “strong emotions can block pain” was the result of the release of morphinelike substances manufactured in the brain. This suggested that for many traumatized people, reexposure to stress might provide a similar relief from anxiety.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Nobody wants to remember trauma. In that regard society is no different from the victims themselves. We all want to live in a world that is safe, manageable, and predictable, and victims remind us that this is not always the case. In order to understand trauma, we have to overcome our natural reluctance to confront that reality and cultivate the courage to listen to the testimonies of survivors.”

22. “Nobody wants to remember trauma. In that regard society is no different from the victims themselves. We all want to live in a world that is safe, manageable, and predictable, and victims remind us that this is not always the case. In order to understand trauma, we have to overcome our natural reluctance to confront that reality and cultivate the courage to listen to the testimonies of survivors.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “The neuroscientist Paul MacLean, who developed the three-part description of the brain that I’ve used here, compared the relationship between the rational brain and the emotional brain to that between a more or less competent rider and his unruly horse. As long as the weather is calm and the path is smooth, the rider can feel in excellent control. But unexpected sounds or threats from other animals can make the horse bolt, forcing the rider to hold on for dear life.”

23. “The neuroscientist Paul MacLean, who developed the three-part description of the brain that I’ve used here, compared the relationship between the rational brain and the emotional brain to that between a more or less competent rider and his unruly horse. As long as the weather is calm and the path is smooth, the rider can feel in excellent control. But unexpected sounds or threats from other animals can make the horse bolt, forcing the rider to hold on for dear life.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Who can find a proper grave for such damaged mosaics of the mind, where they may rest in pieces? Life goes on, but in two temporal directions at once, the future unable to escape the grip of a memory laden with grief.”31.”

24. “Who can find a proper grave for such damaged mosaics of the mind, where they may rest in pieces? Life goes on, but in two temporal directions at once, the future unable to escape the grip of a memory laden with grief.”31.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Numbing is the other side of the coin in PTSD. Many untreated trauma survivors start out... with explosive flashbacks, then numb out later in life.”

25. “Numbing is the other side of the coin in PTSD. Many untreated trauma survivors start out... with explosive flashbacks, then numb out later in life.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “To have genuine relationships you have to be able to experience others as separate individuals, each with his or her particular motivations and intentions.”

26. “To have genuine relationships you have to be able to experience others as separate individuals, each with his or her particular motivations and intentions.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Many of my patients respond to stress not by noticing and naming it but by developing migraine headaches or asthma attacks.”

27. “Many of my patients respond to stress not by noticing and naming it but by developing migraine headaches or asthma attacks.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Bessel van der Kolk Quote: “Freud had a term for such traumatic reenactments: “the compulsion to repeat.” He and many of his followers believed that reenactments were an unconscious attempt to get control over a painful situation and that they eventually could lead to mastery and resolution. There is no evidence for that theory – repetition leads only to further pain and self-hatred. In fact, even reliving the trauma repeatedly in therapy may reinforce preoccupation and fixation.”

28. “Freud had a term for such traumatic reenactments: “the compulsion to repeat.” He and many of his followers believed that reenactments were an unconscious attempt to get control over a painful situation and that they eventually could lead to mastery and resolution. There is no evidence for that theory – repetition leads only to further pain and self-hatred. In fact, even reliving the trauma repeatedly in therapy may reinforce preoccupation and fixation.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

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