Top 90 Brian Spellman Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Never speak ill of the dead, insult his kin instead.”

— Brian Spellman

2. “My life is so bad that it’s worse than it really is.”

— Brian Spellman

3. “There’s an ad for every vice. That’s advice.”

— Brian Spellman

4. “Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear so don’t look and they’ll stay farther away than you expect they would.”

— Brian Spellman

6. “Life imitates art and art imitates life until both imitate imitation – Reality TV.”

— Brian Spellman

7. “Never leave to be on time to be on time.”

— Brian Spellman

8. “My son, I don’t believe in God, prayer, afterlife or miracles. You may disagree with me on all of these. I’d prefer that you agree and reserve rebellion and independence over important issues instead.”

— Brian Spellman

9. “The jury returned with a verdict of “Don’t ask me, I wasn’t there,” and was excused.”

— Brian Spellman

10. “On the plus side, life doesn’t add up.”

— Brian Spellman

11. “I can’t answer you in a nutshell. We wouldn’t fit unless we saw the same shrink.”

— Brian Spellman

12. “I forgot what I was going to think.”

— Brian Spellman

13. “Most leave to be on time, thus always late.”

— Brian Spellman

14. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Let them eat croissants.”

— Brian Spellman

15. “If you only go around once in life, then why has that one gone around more than once?”

— Brian Spellman

16. “Our archaeological ancestry lost hair while growing sweat glands to reduce panting in the hot African sun. One outcome evolved the origin of our speech. Another conquered our ability to shut the hell up and listen. Now? Politicians grunting “On the Origin of Speeches” past one another.”

— Brian Spellman

17. “Build the prisons and they will commit the crimes.”

— Brian Spellman

18. “Psychiatrists urge me to take my tranquilizers. When I don’t they become agitated. I take their pills to calm them down.”

— Brian Spellman

19. “I was accused of always acting superior. Always means being, not acting.”

— Brian Spellman

20. “Don’t hold grudges. Life’s too long.”

— Brian Spellman

21. “If you sense so badly that you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense... sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.”

— Brian Spellman

22. “First, let me finish. Then interrupt.”

— Brian Spellman

23. “There is a meaning of life but I’ve been sworn to secrecy.”

— Brian Spellman

24. “I hate feeling hate but feeling nothing feels worse.”

— Brian Spellman

25. “I awoke to a daymare. Life.”

— Brian Spellman

26. “Honest I’m a liar. Believe me?”

— Brian Spellman

27. “Babies are never suicidal. Hard lives, not hard boiled eggs do that.”

— Brian Spellman

28. “All surgery and no makeup make Jack a dull girl.”

— Brian Spellman

29. “Dreams don’t come true, they are true.”

— Brian Spellman

30. “I love objectivity when mine.”

— Brian Spellman

31. “If you want to commit suicide why tell anyone? They’d ruin everything.”

— Brian Spellman

32. “He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword... unless he’s a general.”

— Brian Spellman

33. “Everybody wants to be smart except smart people who want to be stable.”

— Brian Spellman

34. “Mom lied. The crust is the shittiest part.”

— Brian Spellman

35. “I’m all groan up in America.”

— Brian Spellman

36. “The fine line between genius and madness is a punch line. Duck, you idiot!”

— Brian Spellman

37. “As one mouth closes, another always opens.”

— Brian Spellman

38. “Fifty percent of life is ninety percent indecisive. The rest is confusing.”

— Brian Spellman

39. “I say there is no darkness but ignorance,” said William Shakespeare. How would he know, he knew everything?”

— Brian Spellman

40. “I dreamed of being special then awoke to be unique.”

— Brian Spellman

41. “Fear of curiosity kills the cat... slowly.”

— Brian Spellman

42. “I can’t name just one example. Then there’s only one.”

— Brian Spellman

43. “It’s no longer time to take sides for or against race, rather sides against those who still do.”

— Brian Spellman

44. “If at first you don’t concede, try, try a gun.”

— Brian Spellman

45. “I never read Civil Disobedience. They did assign it.”

— Brian Spellman

46. “Absence makes the mind go yonder.”

— Brian Spellman

47. “People always switched on turn me off.”

— Brian Spellman

48. “The shot glass is half smashed.”

— Brian Spellman

49. “Psychosis is person less persona, raving sincerity.”

— Brian Spellman

50. “The glass is three fifths full of gas.”

— Brian Spellman