Top 120 Chris Hardwick Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “I am a freelancer. My services are available to anyone at any time.”

— Chris Hardwick

2. “Worry is a misuse of your imagination.”

— Chris Hardwick

3. “In short, knowledge is useless if it isn’t shared.”

— Chris Hardwick

4. “No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who’s always had everything work out for them with zero struggle? They usually have the depth of a puddle. Or they don’t exist.”

— Chris Hardwick

5. “We’re not in an information age anymore. We’re in the information management age.”

— Chris Hardwick

6. “Sober strip clubs are horrible. When you are sober you see the matrix code behind a strip club. You’re paying girls to pretend to like you until you run out of money so they can walk away.”

— Chris Hardwick

7. “If you can build your career around your passions, then you’re winning in life; that’s one of the best things you can ask for.”

— Chris Hardwick

8. “When I was in school, if you wanted a computer, you had to build one. But today, computers are everywhere. We’re all obsessed with technology and having the latest gadgets. Nerd culture is ubiquitous.”

— Chris Hardwick

9. “Long ago you may have given up control of your brain and set it on autopilot either because it just felt like too much work. And it is work! But for me, this work was well worth it for the prospect of not waking up sad every day.”

— Chris Hardwick

10. “If you have laser-like brain it’s not always focused on the most productive things. If you want to play Halo: Reach all day, that’s fine, but if you want to accomplish some other things, here are some ways to do that using your innate nerd gifts.”

— Chris Hardwick

11. “When you don’t take an aggressive role in shaping your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions, you become a helpless passenger floating through the universe like a ghost ship, merely reacting to wherever it takes you.”

— Chris Hardwick

12. “There are certain parts of a classic nerd’s brain that can destroy that person – obsessing about things to the detriment of everything else in your life. But those are the same tools that you can use to turn everything around.”

— Chris Hardwick

13. “Stand-up isn’t something I just sit down and start writing – it’s ideas you come up with in the shower, while you’re driving, waiting in line.”

— Chris Hardwick

14. “Playing Xbox for 23 hours straight is cool and all, but I’m going to teach you how to spend time on things in your life that will get you the following two things: paid and laid.”

— Chris Hardwick

15. “No matter what tricks you use or what decisions you make, go easy on yourself as someone who’s on a never-ending quest for improvement.”

— Chris Hardwick

16. “I was very competitive growing up. I can’t even play chess anymore because I used to play tournament chess in school. There’s too much sense memory of sitting in front of a chess board and getting super intense about it. It’s ruined the game for me.”

— Chris Hardwick

17. “We are in niche consumption mode, but ‘niche’ doesn’t mean ‘small’ anymore. Niche can mean focused, and particularly with the Web, which is a global audience you can have something niche and still get 10 to 15 million views.”

— Chris Hardwick

18. “The ‘Hipster Nerds’ like stuff because they hate it. It’s like they ironically like it.”

— Chris Hardwick

19. “Stand up straight. If you stand up straight, you will instantly feel better about yourself, and you will project a better image to the world, one that says you don’t feel like you have to be hunched over and closed off.”

— Chris Hardwick

20. “Growing up in the 70s and 80s, it took effort to be a nerd. You had to seek out the nerd stuff.”

— Chris Hardwick

21. “Steal moments of happiness if you have to, and then collect them until they are the dominant images in your psyche.”

— Chris Hardwick

22. “The thing about hipsters is that they take very seriously trying to make themselves look like they don’t take themselves seriously.”

— Chris Hardwick

Featured in: Hipster Quotes

23. “You walk into a strip club with a wad of cash; they all flock around you. Strippers are just pigeons with tits. They go where the bread is.”

— Chris Hardwick

24. “I think being an outcast is what sort of strengthens the nerd movement, because you’re isolated, so you have time.”

— Chris Hardwick

25. “I’ve gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.”

— Chris Hardwick

26. “I like listening to people talk about things that they love. They get to express things they don’t normally get to express.”

— Chris Hardwick

27. “Nerds get caught up in minutiae, because there is a tremendous and fulfilling sense of control in understanding every single detail of a thing more than any other living creature.”

— Chris Hardwick

28. “If you’re able to build from your falls you’ll be unstoppable and damn near fearless. You see, every time you fall down and get back up, you add another piece of body armor to yourself. You learn what not to do, how to do better, and how to create comfort through practice.”

— Chris Hardwick

29. “There’s no ironic appreciation of things we love, even of things that are in fact ridiculous, which a hipster might take and own and show the world the humor in it.”

— Chris Hardwick

30. “My best friend, Wil Wheaton, identifies himself as a geek.”

— Chris Hardwick

31. “The worst day ever was when I found out my grandfather was going to die.”

— Chris Hardwick

32. “There’s a lot of money being generated by nerds right now. Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, the list goes on and on. Nerds make more money than our government. And with money comes power.”

— Chris Hardwick

33. “When I was younger, my parents used to say, “Trust us on this. We have more experience than you.” And I was like, “Shut up, you don’t know anything!” But I was an idiot. They did know more stuff because they’d experienced more things.”

— Chris Hardwick

34. “Like lycanthropy, the nerd gene can skip a generation. My maternal grandfather was a technophile.”

— Chris Hardwick

35. “What’s more unnerving than magnetism, ghosts, and unpurified water? Gadgetmongers who purport to protect us from metaphysical monsters that go bump in the New Age night.”

— Chris Hardwick

36. “I think for a lot of people, bowling is sort of a joke. But I love it, and it means a lot to me, so any chance to help promote it or celebrate it or not make the hackiest jokes – ‘Bowlers are like plumbers and they wear the craziest shirts!’ – I’m way into.”

— Chris Hardwick

37. “Comment threads are the new therapy for people. They just go and post the worst things they can think of because they feel bad, and then other people start attacking them, and then they attack back.”

— Chris Hardwick

38. “Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.”

— Chris Hardwick

39. “It’s so much easier to give advice than to take it.”

— Chris Hardwick

40. “I played tournament chess from fifth grade up into high school.”

— Chris Hardwick

41. “While the liberal media elite depict the bowler as a chubby guy with a comb-over and polyester pants, the reality is that bowling is one of the most tech-heavy sports today. Robotic pinsetters and computerized scoring were just the beginning.”

— Chris Hardwick

42. “Some people learn comedy, and some people just are comedy.”

— Chris Hardwick

43. “Rats are just Ziploc bags full of disease.”

— Chris Hardwick

44. “I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.”

— Chris Hardwick

45. “I made a lot of changes in my life between my twenties and thirties, and it all sort of revolves around how I think people with nerdier brains tend to problem-solve and approach things differently then “norms.””

— Chris Hardwick

46. “I feel like being nerd is not about the superficial quality; it’s about how nerds approach life. It’s much more emotional and mental than it is you’re some fat guy living in your mom’s basement, which I think is just a hacky stereotype.”

— Chris Hardwick

47. “If you wish to achieve any success in this life, do your best to surround yourself with an orgy of good choices.”

— Chris Hardwick

48. “I love the South. Although I grew up primarily in Memphis, my family moved around a ton when I was a kid. I guess I never stayed in one place long enough to pick up the accent, but I definitely identify as a Southerner.”

— Chris Hardwick

49. “If you’re going into stand-up, you’re hyper-analyzing the world and asking as many questions about a thing as you possibly can so you can figure out the ultimate nature of that thing.”

— Chris Hardwick

50. “Alcohol is like pouring smiles on your brain.”

— Chris Hardwick