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Top 500 David Mitchell Quotes (2026 Update)
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David Mitchell Quote: “It takes quite a leap of self-importance to decide: “I’m going to put a stop to that!”

451. “It takes quite a leap of self-importance to decide: “I’m going to put a stop to that!”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Only the inanimate can be so alive.”

452. “Only the inanimate can be so alive.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Every arrival,′ ” quotes Vorstenbosch, ” ’is a particular death.”

453. “Every arrival,′ ” quotes Vorstenbosch, ” ’is a particular death.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Adverbs are cholesterol in the veins of prose. Halve your adverbs and your prose pumps twice as well.” Pens scratch. “Oh, and beware of the verb ‘seem’; it’s a textual mumble. And grade every simile and metaphor from one star to five, and remove any threes or below. It hurts when you operate, but afterwards you feel much better.”

454. “Adverbs are cholesterol in the veins of prose. Halve your adverbs and your prose pumps twice as well.” Pens scratch. “Oh, and beware of the verb ‘seem’; it’s a textual mumble. And grade every simile and metaphor from one star to five, and remove any threes or below. It hurts when you operate, but afterwards you feel much better.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “The devil, Sixsmith, is in the pronouns.”

455. “The devil, Sixsmith, is in the pronouns.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Small talk, thinks Elf, is Polyfilla you fill cracks with so you don’t have to watch them widening.”

456. “Small talk, thinks Elf, is Polyfilla you fill cracks with so you don’t have to watch them widening.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Miguel tries to look jokey-penitent, but misses and looks like a man in white jeans who underestimates a spot of flatulence.”

457. “Miguel tries to look jokey-penitent, but misses and looks like a man in white jeans who underestimates a spot of flatulence.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “No one else has lived this life.”

458. “No one else has lived this life.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “He wondered if identity is drawn not in indelible ink, but by a light 5H pencil.”

459. “He wondered if identity is drawn not in indelible ink, but by a light 5H pencil.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Betty says, ‘Frank, hey, Frank, lend this guy seventy dollars!”

460. “Betty says, ‘Frank, hey, Frank, lend this guy seventy dollars!”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “A young woman emerges from the next-door party and leans over the neighboring balcony.”

461. “A young woman emerges from the next-door party and leans over the neighboring balcony.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Foolproof depends on the size of the fool.”

462. “Foolproof depends on the size of the fool.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “How improbable must a coincidence be before it’s a sign?”

463. “How improbable must a coincidence be before it’s a sign?”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Heresy is fissiparous, however.”

464. “Heresy is fissiparous, however.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “His skin’s so tanned he could be Turkish or something.”

465. “His skin’s so tanned he could be Turkish or something.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “I feel clobbered by the impossibility of translating into words as much of this enormous world we live in with its subtly complex and sprawling Periodic Table of emotions. To quote Freddie Mercury, I want it all.”

466. “I feel clobbered by the impossibility of translating into words as much of this enormous world we live in with its subtly complex and sprawling Periodic Table of emotions. To quote Freddie Mercury, I want it all.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Sawing the head off a thunder god with a rusty hacksaw is not easy when you are eleven years old.”

467. “Sawing the head off a thunder god with a rusty hacksaw is not easy when you are eleven years old.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “This time I whisper it, at about the violin’s volume: “I love you.” No one hears, no one sees, but the tree falls in the forest just the same.”

468. “This time I whisper it, at about the violin’s volume: “I love you.” No one hears, no one sees, but the tree falls in the forest just the same.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Jasper de Zoet. A damn good name. A ‘J’ and a ‘Z.’ Nice high Scrabble score.”

469. “Jasper de Zoet. A damn good name. A ‘J’ and a ‘Z.’ Nice high Scrabble score.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “If reason worked on alcoholics, there’d be no alcoholics.”

470. “If reason worked on alcoholics, there’d be no alcoholics.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Power is crack cocaine for your ego and battery acid for your soul.”

471. “Power is crack cocaine for your ego and battery acid for your soul.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Now, lucky you can say, ‘Not standing up to him is giving him permission,’ but if you’ve been fed this diet since the year dot, there is no standing up. Victims aren’t cowards. Outsiders, like, they never have a clue how brave you have to be just to carry on.”

472. “Now, lucky you can say, ‘Not standing up to him is giving him permission,’ but if you’ve been fed this diet since the year dot, there is no standing up. Victims aren’t cowards. Outsiders, like, they never have a clue how brave you have to be just to carry on.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “If only,’ Shiroyama dreams, ’human beings were not masks behind masks behind masks. If only this world was a clean board of lines and intersections. If only time was a sequence of considered moves and not a chaos of slippages and blunders.”

473. “If only,’ Shiroyama dreams, ’human beings were not masks behind masks behind masks. If only this world was a clean board of lines and intersections. If only time was a sequence of considered moves and not a chaos of slippages and blunders.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Here’s the truth: Who is spared love is spared grief.”

474. “Here’s the truth: Who is spared love is spared grief.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Why’s it okay to draw spaceships if you’re seven, but not okay to draw diabolical mazes? Who decides that spending money on Space Invaders is fine, but if you buy a calculator with loads of symbols you’re asking to be picked on? Why’s it okay to listen to the Top 40 on Radio 1 but not okay to listen to stations in other languages?”

475. “Why’s it okay to draw spaceships if you’re seven, but not okay to draw diabolical mazes? Who decides that spending money on Space Invaders is fine, but if you buy a calculator with loads of symbols you’re asking to be picked on? Why’s it okay to listen to the Top 40 on Radio 1 but not okay to listen to stations in other languages?”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “We – by whom I mean anyone over sixty – commit two offenses just by existing. One is Lack of Velocity. We drive too slowly, walk too slowly, talk too slowly. The world will do business with dictators, perverts, and drug barons of all stripes, but being slowed down it cannot abide.”

476. “We – by whom I mean anyone over sixty – commit two offenses just by existing. One is Lack of Velocity. We drive too slowly, walk too slowly, talk too slowly. The world will do business with dictators, perverts, and drug barons of all stripes, but being slowed down it cannot abide.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “I play chess on my iPhone, and indulge in a fond fantasy that my opponent isn’t a mind of digital code but Dad: It’s Dad’s attacks I repel; Dad’s defenses I dismantle; Dad’s king scurrying around the board to prolong the inevitable.”

477. “I play chess on my iPhone, and indulge in a fond fantasy that my opponent isn’t a mind of digital code but Dad: It’s Dad’s attacks I repel; Dad’s defenses I dismantle; Dad’s king scurrying around the board to prolong the inevitable.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “I consider how you don’t get to choose whom you’re attracted to, you only get to wonder about it, retrospectively. Racial differences I’ve always found to have an aphrodisiac effect on me, but class difference is sexuality’s Berlin Wall.”

478. “I consider how you don’t get to choose whom you’re attracted to, you only get to wonder about it, retrospectively. Racial differences I’ve always found to have an aphrodisiac effect on me, but class difference is sexuality’s Berlin Wall.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Mrs. Todds my English teacher gives an automatic F if anyone ever writes “I woke up and it was all a dream” at the end of a story. She says it violates the deal between reader and writer, that it’s a cop-out, it’s the Boy Who Cried Wolf.”

479. “Mrs. Todds my English teacher gives an automatic F if anyone ever writes “I woke up and it was all a dream” at the end of a story. She says it violates the deal between reader and writer, that it’s a cop-out, it’s the Boy Who Cried Wolf.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “For one voyage to begin, another voyage must come to an end, sort of.”

480. “For one voyage to begin, another voyage must come to an end, sort of.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Or else rip out the odd pages and leave me the even.”

481. “Or else rip out the odd pages and leave me the even.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “If you don’t want the fish, why do you catch them?” A few seconds pass. “For the quality of the conversation.”

482. “If you don’t want the fish, why do you catch them?” A few seconds pass. “For the quality of the conversation.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Nurse Noakes passed by and my fellow inmates all silent, like songbirds under the shadow of a hawk.”

483. “Nurse Noakes passed by and my fellow inmates all silent, like songbirds under the shadow of a hawk.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “It’s never a good idea for politicians to get involved in comedy.”

484. “It’s never a good idea for politicians to get involved in comedy.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Books tended not to switch their stories whenever it suited them.”

485. “Books tended not to switch their stories whenever it suited them.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “But this isn’t a ghost story: the ghost is in the background, where she has to be. If she was in the foreground she’d be a person.”

486. “But this isn’t a ghost story: the ghost is in the background, where she has to be. If she was in the foreground she’d be a person.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Aoife, in her dreams, makes a noise like a friendless harmonica.”

487. “Aoife, in her dreams, makes a noise like a friendless harmonica.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “All minds pulse in a unique way, just as every lighthouse in the world has a unique signature. Some minds pulse consistently, some erratically. Some are lukewarm, some are hot. Some flare out, some are very nearly not there. Some stay on the fringe, like quasars.”

488. “All minds pulse in a unique way, just as every lighthouse in the world has a unique signature. Some minds pulse consistently, some erratically. Some are lukewarm, some are hot. Some flare out, some are very nearly not there. Some stay on the fringe, like quasars.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “If we all just settle into small, mutually ignorant online support groups exchanging comforting half-truths, then civilisation is in for a rough ride. No one will know what is really going on, and working out what is really going on has, for most of history, been humankind’s main purpose. Losing that is a high price to pay for being able to order pizza without speaking to anyone.”

489. “If we all just settle into small, mutually ignorant online support groups exchanging comforting half-truths, then civilisation is in for a rough ride. No one will know what is really going on, and working out what is really going on has, for most of history, been humankind’s main purpose. Losing that is a high price to pay for being able to order pizza without speaking to anyone.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “If the affluent cannot afford hope, you cannot expect the destitute to pay for desperation.”

490. “If the affluent cannot afford hope, you cannot expect the destitute to pay for desperation.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “I understood that one’s environment is a key to one’s identity, but that my environment, Papa Song’s, was a key I had lost.”

491. “I understood that one’s environment is a key to one’s identity, but that my environment, Papa Song’s, was a key I had lost.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “You would think a place the size of England could easily hold all the happenings in one humble lifetime without much overlap – I mean, it’s not ruddy Luxembourg we live in – but no, we cross, crisscross, and recross our old tracks like figure skaters.”

492. “You would think a place the size of England could easily hold all the happenings in one humble lifetime without much overlap – I mean, it’s not ruddy Luxembourg we live in – but no, we cross, crisscross, and recross our old tracks like figure skaters.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “You only value something if you know it’ll end.”

493. “You only value something if you know it’ll end.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Every instance of undying love was only half an hour young, once upon a time.”

494. “Every instance of undying love was only half an hour young, once upon a time.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “A cow of awkward pause mooed.”

495. “A cow of awkward pause mooed.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Because a man like me has no business with this substance “beauty,” yet here she is, in these soundproofed chambers of my heart.”

496. “Because a man like me has no business with this substance “beauty,” yet here she is, in these soundproofed chambers of my heart.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “If I could express exactly what was most annoying, ungrateful and unreasonable about my own behaviour before the person I’d angered, then the situation would be defused. You can’t have an argument with someone who’s saying exactly what you’re thinking.”

497. “If I could express exactly what was most annoying, ungrateful and unreasonable about my own behaviour before the person I’d angered, then the situation would be defused. You can’t have an argument with someone who’s saying exactly what you’re thinking.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “His favorite position is, uh, called ‘the Plumber.’ You stay in all day but nobody comes.”

498. “His favorite position is, uh, called ‘the Plumber.’ You stay in all day but nobody comes.”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “Since when, mocks the moon-gray cat, do cats need keys?”

499. “Since when, mocks the moon-gray cat, do cats need keys?”

— David Mitchell

David Mitchell Quote: “A dragonfly settles on a bulrush an inch from my nose. Its wings are like cellophane and Jonah says, “Its wings are like cellophane,” and I say, “I was just thinking that,” but Jonah says, “Just thinking what?” so maybe I just thought he’d said it. Valium rubs out speech marks and pops thought-bubbles. I’ve noticed it before.”

500. “A dragonfly settles on a bulrush an inch from my nose. Its wings are like cellophane and Jonah says, “Its wings are like cellophane,” and I say, “I was just thinking that,” but Jonah says, “Just thinking what?” so maybe I just thought he’d said it. Valium rubs out speech marks and pops thought-bubbles. I’ve noticed it before.”

— David Mitchell

Funny Quotes

Strong Quotes

Journey Quotes

Firsts Quotes

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Funny Quotes

FUNNY BUSINESS

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Kindness Quotes

KINDNESS

Reading Quotes

READING

Travel Quotes

TRAVEL

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PAST

Quotes About Stories

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Quotes About Ocean

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