Top 100

Top 30 Funny Quotes (2024 Update)

Funny Quotes: “Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?” — Steve Jobs
Funny Quotes: “The road to success is always under construction.” — Lily Tomlin
Funny Quotes: “The real trouble with reality is that there is no background music.” — Anonymous
Funny Quotes: “I need a six month vacation twice a year.” — Anonymous
Funny Quotes: “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” — Oscar Wilde
Funny Quotes: “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” — Steven Wright
Funny Quotes: “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
Funny Quotes: “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” — Lily Tomlin
Funny Quotes: “The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive.” — Coco Chanel
Funny Quotes: “Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.” — Robert A. Heinlein
Funny Quotes: “A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at them.” — David Brinkley
Funny Quotes: “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” — Vince Lombardi
Funny Quotes: “Dear Karma, I have a list of people that you missed.” — Anonymous
Funny Quotes: “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers
Funny Quotes: “Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.” — Terry Pratchett
Funny Quotes: “Due to budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.” — Aaron Paul
Funny Quotes: “Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.” — Spike Milligan
Funny Quotes: “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.” — Steven Wright
Funny Quotes: “I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.” — Steven Wright
Funny Quotes: “If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.” — Henry Ford
Funny Quotes: “Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders.” — Sloan Wilson
Funny Quotes: “If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?” — Steven Wright
Funny Quotes: “Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.” — Doug Larson
Funny Quotes: “The successful man is the one who finds out what is the matter with his business before his competitors do.” — Roy L. Smith
Funny Quotes: “Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.” — Howard Aiken
Funny Quotes: “Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.” — Parkinson's law
Funny Quotes: “Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.” — Anonymous
Funny Quotes: “My grandfather rode a camel, my father rode a camel, I drive a Mercedes, my son drives a Land Rover, his son will drive a Land Rover, but his son will ride a camel.” — Rashid bin Saeed Al Maktoum
Funny Quotes: “Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.” — Will Ferrell
Funny Quotes: “I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.” — A.J. Sherwood
Funny Quotes: “Travel far enough, you meet yourself.” — David Mitchell
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