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Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes: “Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?” — Steve Jobs

Funny Quotes: “The real trouble with reality is that there is no background music.” — Anonymous

Funny Quotes: “The road to success is always under construction.” — Lily Tomlin

Funny Quotes: “I need a six month vacation twice a year.” — Anonymous

Funny Quotes: “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” — Oscar Wilde

Funny Quotes: “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde

Funny Quotes: “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.” — Steven Wright

Funny Quotes: “The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” — Lily Tomlin

Funny Quotes: “Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.” — Robert A. Heinlein

Funny Quotes: “The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive.” — Coco Chanel

Funny Quotes: “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” — David Brinkley

Funny Quotes: “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” — Vince Lombardi

Funny Quotes: “Dear Karma, I have a list of people that you missed.” — Anonymous

Funny Quotes: “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers

Funny Quotes: “Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.” — Terry Pratchett

Funny Quotes: “Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.” — Spike Milligan

Funny Quotes: “Due to budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.” — Aaron Paul

Funny Quotes: “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.” — Steven Wright

Funny Quotes: “I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.” — Steven Wright

Funny Quotes: “If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.” — Henry Ford

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