Top 70 Drew Carey Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Eating crappy food isn’t a reward – it’s a punishment.”

— Drew Carey

2. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.”

— Drew Carey

3. “It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”

— Drew Carey

4. “It sucks being fat, you know.”

— Drew Carey

5. “Welcome to ‘Who’s Line Is It Anyway’ the show where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter. That’s right the points are just like Canada.”

— Drew Carey

6. “I love Las Vegas. I like that Las Vegas has everything. Everything and anything you want to do, you can do in Las Vegas.”

— Drew Carey

7. “Violence doesn’t solve anything? World War I. World War II. Star Wars. Every Super Bowl. Who says violence doesn’t solve anything?”

— Drew Carey

8. “I’m a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.”

— Drew Carey

9. “Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.”

— Drew Carey

10. “In any other job, they’re truck drivers. In show-biz, they’re Transportation Captains.”

— Drew Carey

11. “Learn how to set goals. That’s the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it’s not somebody else’s goal, it’s yours.”

— Drew Carey

12. “I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.”

— Drew Carey

13. “I’m down to earth; people sense that and they appreciate it.”

— Drew Carey

14. “Every election I have to hold my nose to vote.”

— Drew Carey

15. “When I’m working, I’m going to avoid all media. No newspapers, no magazines, no movies, no radio, no TV. I’m just going to do creative work.”

— Drew Carey

16. “The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.”

— Drew Carey

17. “You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.”

— Drew Carey

18. “And for you kids watching at home, remember, the less homework you do and the closer you sit to the TV, the more points you get.”

— Drew Carey

19. “Trust me, kids – your homework can wait. Don’t need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!”

— Drew Carey

20. “If frogs could fly – well, we’d still be in this mess, but wouldn’t it be neat?”

— Drew Carey

21. “Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.”

— Drew Carey

22. “You know what I worry about? I worry that when I hit my head, it pushes my hair into my brain, and it will eventually kill me.”

— Drew Carey

23. “I was just sick of being fat, you know? You get sick of it. It just really, it’s a tiring lifestyle to have.”

— Drew Carey

24. “I have a position of indirect respect and oblique power.”

— Drew Carey

25. “I never thought I was a libertarian until I picked up Reason magazine and realized I agree with everything they had printed.”

— Drew Carey

26. “Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they’re so rich, they feel they don’t work that much for all that money – and they don’t, for the amount of money they make.”

— Drew Carey

27. “Who ever thought that the world-famous Captain Obvious was really mild-mannered Colin Mochrie?”

— Drew Carey

28. “Listen, you don’t know any better so I’ll just tell you. You can’t try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.”

— Drew Carey

29. “Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know?”

— Drew Carey

30. “I like to think of my house as nothing more than a glorified console for my television; the ultimate stereo cabinet.”

— Drew Carey

31. “I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that’s what he told us in the letter...”

— Drew Carey

32. “George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that’s what I’m trying to do.”

— Drew Carey

33. “I am happy that I ran the half-marathon, but to me, just running and saying that I finished a race isn’t enough for me. I want to run the race as best as I can. Working out for pants size isn’t enough. I need a goal or a race to get back on the treadmill every day.”

— Drew Carey

34. “The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time.”

— Drew Carey

35. “Look, this is an odd question, but you’re kind of cute and you’re pretty nice to me. Are you drunk? It’s OK if you are.”

— Drew Carey

36. “Things don’t make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that’s something everyone can do.”

— Drew Carey

37. “That’s the great thing about having your friends around you. I’ve known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn’t ask for a better work environment.”

— Drew Carey

38. “What right does a politician have to tell me what I can and cannot watch? Change the channel if you don’t like what’s on TV!”

— Drew Carey

39. “I wish I could end every rap song I didn’t like with a buzzer.”

— Drew Carey

40. “I don’t run outside, honestly. Sometimes I go out around my house, but mainly it’s the stupid treadmill. I wish I had a better answer, but I’m very businesslike about my runs.”

— Drew Carey

41. “It should be up to each bar owner and patron to decide if they want to smoke or not.”

— Drew Carey

42. “Funniest thing happened though, you wouldn’t believe it, ha, the mannequins came to life. I went insane.”

— Drew Carey

43. “I’m not a good lover, but at least I’m fast.”

— Drew Carey

44. “Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody. You can feel like you are the only one.”

— Drew Carey

45. “What good is democracy if you can’t get what you want?”

— Drew Carey

46. “Being a celebrity you always get really good seats to sporting events but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. So one of the scams I have going now is I want to learn sports photography so I can get better seats at a sporting event.”

— Drew Carey

47. “I don’t care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.”

— Drew Carey

48. “The Marines was a fresh start – that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.”

— Drew Carey

49. “I always thought I was going to die before I was 60.”

— Drew Carey

50. “People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren’t doing better than they are.”

— Drew Carey