Top 120 Eddie Izzard Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “I don’t believe in God. So I’m a non-believer in the non-visible. I’m a believer in us; in humans.”

— Eddie Izzard

52. “Fox hunting, there’s big fox hunting thing, there’s arguments in Britain about fox hunting. And they go around. They obviously hunt foxes because the foxes, they attack chickens. And posh people have an alliance with chickens just like in the First World War.”

— Eddie Izzard

53. “I am encyclopaedic on World War II. My dad took me to D-Day beaches when I was a kid. I was there four years ago – every five years they have a remembrance on D-Day beaches and I would have liked to have been there and done my bit.”

— Eddie Izzard

54. “Because we all know one of the main factors of war is the element of surprise. And what could be more surprising than the First Batallion Transvestite Brigade? Airborne Wing.”

— Eddie Izzard

55. “I am an evil Giraffe.”

— Eddie Izzard

56. “I’m working on a speed boat at the moment. Much more exciting. It’ll really kick ass, give great photographs for the people in Bible.”

— Eddie Izzard

57. “They say the Universe started with a big bang. I hope everybody stood well back.”

— Eddie Izzard

58. “I’ll just borrow confidence from a future version of myself.”

— Eddie Izzard

59. “I don’t believe in God. I believe gods and devils are within us. It’s our own battle. Our life’s battle is to appeal to the gods within us, and to fight the devils within us.”

— Eddie Izzard

60. “Poetry is very similar to music, only less notes and more words.”

— Eddie Izzard

61. “I am two lesbians in a man’s body.”

— Eddie Izzard

62. “How to survive boarding school. Do not express emotion, do not feel emotion, do not have emotion. If someone hits you, hit them back, if someone argues with you, argue back, never give in an inch, never look vulnerable and you will survive.”

— Eddie Izzard

63. “I’m a dyslexic person, so I avoid books.”

— Eddie Izzard

64. “I’d be happy to be taken as a woman – and that’s what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn’t going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I’d change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.”

— Eddie Izzard

65. “Cable cars are fun – everyone gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey.”

— Eddie Izzard

66. “Peace, peace, peace. Peace is organized.”

— Eddie Izzard

67. “People still talk about a British sense of humour, or French slapstick or how the Germans have no sense of humour – and it’s just rubbish. I do strongly feel that we are all the bloody same.”

— Eddie Izzard

68. “My Gran said put a thimble on your finger and it helps you in case you slip with the needle and it goes up, into the brain, and death.”

— Eddie Izzard

69. “Have you got a flag?”

— Eddie Izzard

70. “It’s my manifest destiny to wear a skirt in all countries.”

— Eddie Izzard

71. “No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying “Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?” “Yes, I would like tea. Why don’t you put it on my breasts?” “Certainly. Tea for this man’s breasts! Anything else, sir?””

— Eddie Izzard

72. “Real life is actually a lot of boring things with occasional spikes of interest. Eddie Izzard.”

— Eddie Izzard

73. “That’s no good, I can’t steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That’s not gonna swing, is it?”

— Eddie Izzard

74. “Most transvestites fancy girls.”

— Eddie Izzard

75. “Cake and tea or death?”

— Eddie Izzard

76. “Despair is the fuel of terrorism, and hope is the fuel of civilization, so we have to put more hope into the world than despair. Hatred and separation and building walls is not the way to progress. Going backward is not the way to go forward.”

— Eddie Izzard

77. “I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Cause if a woman falls over wearing heels, that’s embarrassing. But if a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself. It’s the end of your life.”

— Eddie Izzard

78. “When I watched Braveheart I was in tears and I was rooting for the Scottish people.”

— Eddie Izzard

79. “MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.”

— Eddie Izzard

80. “There’s not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that’s a bit slapdash, isn’t it?”

— Eddie Izzard

81. “If there were a god, don’t you think he would have flicked Hitler’s head off?”

— Eddie Izzard

82. “I love the fact that trying is respected. The American Dream: if you try, if you build it, they will come. I love that. It’s honorable.”

— Eddie Izzard

83. “If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.”

— Eddie Izzard

84. “Stamina is the big thing you have to learn if you want to achieve success in any kind of career, but especially creative careers.”

— Eddie Izzard

85. “If there is a god they need to come down to Earth and explain WWII, Hitler, bowel cancer, and Croc shoes.”

— Eddie Izzard

86. “Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.”

— Eddie Izzard

87. “In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you’re just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you’ve got a twin brother who’s also a stand-up.”

— Eddie Izzard

88. “They tend to come out a colour called ‘Pants left in wash’”

— Eddie Izzard

89. “Some people are widely read. I’m thinly read.”

— Eddie Izzard

90. “Spiders frighten me. In response to the spider alerts for Australia, please can the Australian government remove all spiders from Australia and blow them into outer space.”

— Eddie Izzard

91. “When I first came out, I thought, I want to walk like a real woman, I don’t want to do mincing steps. And there was some girl I saw walking up Holloway Road in Islington who had this long languid walk and I thought, that’s what I like, so I incorporated her walk into mine.”

— Eddie Izzard

92. “For me to put a look together, if it’s going to be a boy look or a girl look or whatever, is quite a tricky thing to do. I’m not doing drag because drag is seen in a certain way and my comedy has got zero to do with what I’m wearing. I could wear an elephant suit and say the same thing.”

— Eddie Izzard

93. “I think this should be called non-victim behavior. A surprise offer of bright cheeriness and self-confidence on people who were probably about to say negative things to you, in order to make you a non-victim and just a member of society.”

— Eddie Izzard

94. “It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized you could buy a packet of cereal with a free gift and then just stick your hand in and root around in the packet until you found the free thing. It seems a much simpler way. But that took me about fifteen years to work out.”

— Eddie Izzard

95. “Learning that you have stamina is an excellent thing to know. If a project fails, I know I can pick myself up.”

— Eddie Izzard

96. “I’ve just come to the conclusion that all women should wear whatever they want to wear and that all men should wear whatever they want to wear. If they have a problem with that, they should take it up with United Nations.”

— Eddie Izzard

97. “I don’t subscribe to the theory that all politicians are crap. I think the ‘cool people’ often take that position.”

— Eddie Izzard

98. “If you go down as a comedian’s comedian, that’s basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you’re doing okay.”

— Eddie Izzard

99. “I realized that belief is a key ingredient in trying to do things that are difficult.”

— Eddie Izzard

100. “The twenty-first century is a key century for us on this planet. Either we make a world, where all seven billion people have a fair chance in this century – or forget it. If we can’t do this, I don’t think we are going to make it as a species. Despair is the fuel of terrorism, and hope is the fuel of civilization, so we have to put more hope into the world than despair. Hatred and separation and building walls is not the way to progress. Going backward is not the way to go forward.”

— Eddie Izzard