Top 90 Gabriel Iglesias Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?”

— Gabriel Iglesias

2. “When you go to Hawaii, it’s all about “Aloha.” It means hello, goodbye and I love you.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

3. “I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

4. “I’m not fat. I’m fluffy!”

— Gabriel Iglesias

5. “I don’t want to die tomorrow knowing I could’ve had a piece of cake tonight.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

6. “I learned early on, stay away from politics, stay away from religion and don’t talk about sports. Those three right there will get you in trouble.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

7. “You know, a lot of people think that just ’cause you work out, lift weights, eat right, and do what people tell you to do that you’ll live a long live, maybe you will. But, why do people measure life by the years instead about how good the years were.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

8. “I’m not on a diet. And it’s funny cause people go ‘Well, then why do you drink diet soda?’ So I can eat regular cake.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

9. “We can choose our family. We can’t choose our relatives.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

10. “There’s 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There’s big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

11. “Anything is possible as long as you’re focused, determined and you really want to do it.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

12. “I’m always very happy to talk to people. I relate to people, and the guy on stage is very much the guy that’s off stage. People know when it’s fake.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

13. “I just know you can not be on top forever. There’s always going to be the next guy, and if I’m going to go down, I’d like to know I helped the next guy take my spot. You can’t prevent the inevitable, but you can join the ship.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

14. “Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

15. “I’m not fat. It’s just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

16. “I’m a comedian who happens to be Latino. What’s the difference? The difference is, my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

17. “I’m a big boy, but I can get jiggy with it. Ladies, I will go to dance clubs, and I will tear it up hardcore for a good 30 seconds.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

18. “Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you don’t ever come across as offensive. Nobody sees you as a threat. You see someone in a Hawaiian shirt, and you are like ‘this guy is ready to party.’”

— Gabriel Iglesias

19. “I’m never home. I miss birthdays. I miss holidays. I miss anniversaries. I miss special moments. I’m not always there for important times, because I’m out on the road trying to make people laugh. I give up my privacy. I give up the ability to walk somewhere and relax.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

20. “I eat a lot of junk food, because that’s what’s usually available at 1:00am when I’m all done working.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

21. “I don’t have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as I’m alive and I’m living and I’m experiencing different things every day, the show will always change.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

22. “Being on TV sucks. It’s a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change everything. I’m a control freak. When I’m doing stand-up, I say what I want and then I get instant feedback.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

23. “I love Australia. First of all, everyone is so nice. The people are down to Earth, and they like having fun with you.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

Featured in: Fun Quotes

24. “Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

25. “Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can’t handle alcohol. The police know who you are.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

26. “Drama is not my passion. If I do it, it’s for a check. It’s not what I want to do. Comedy’s my thing. Stand up’s my thing. Everything that comes from that is frosting on the cake.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

27. “Home in bed listening to the rain getting ready to order a pizza. Sounds like a song til the last part.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

28. “You gotta live life before you can talk about it. Sometimes when things don’t work out in life, they work out on stage.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

29. “You live by the cake, you die by the cake.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

30. “With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don’t have one for common sense?”

— Gabriel Iglesias

31. “I’m all about showing people that I’m a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act won’t grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, ‘Life is great.’”

— Gabriel Iglesias

32. “When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

33. “You can’t be bad ass in a car that kills gas like I kill tacos.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

34. “I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

35. “I’ll walk up to a woman, I’ll say the first thing that comes to mind: ‘Hey, you hungry?’”

— Gabriel Iglesias

36. “I bought a Hummer before I bought a house, and then I bought a house. Every year, everything doubled. The work was doubling. The money was doubling. The popularity was doubling.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

37. “Every night, it’s a bakery on the bus. It’s a curse, because I talk about how much I love cake, people bring me cake. And now I just found out I’m diabetic, so I’m like, are you kidding me?!”

— Gabriel Iglesias

38. “I’m always ready for TV. I don’t have to edit my jokes – when you work clean, you can work anywhere.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

39. “You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They’re just blown up Mexicans!”

— Gabriel Iglesias

40. “It’s because you alienate half the room talking about sports. Half the crowd will be against you no matter what you say.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

41. “I started riding the whole ‘fluffy’ train, and it’s a cute word and socially a lot more acceptable than someone saying is fat or obese. If you call a girl ‘fat,’ yo, she’ll raise hell, but if you say, ‘Aw girl, look at you, you’re fluffy,’ there’s almost a sexy appeal to it.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

42. “And I don’t want you thinking that my girlfriend is a bad person. She is an amazing woman, the fact that I only have seven stories about her in eight years, says a lot. You know, don’t get me wrong, five of them happened this year, but that’s still way below the bar, you know what I am saying.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

43. “The Ford Flex is a really, really cool car. You get inside and you have so much headroom and it’s really comfortable to drive and it’s real techy inside. You look at the screen and it’s blue and you’ve got all kinds of controls. Everything is digital.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

44. “As far as guys who perform onstage, I love Chris Rock. I’m kind of jaded on everyone else.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

45. “Connecting with people is not hard. I love the interaction and the feedback after shows. It does take some time, but the fans appreciate it which makes it worth it.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

46. “I just like The Little Mermaid cartoon. Say what you want. I have a fish tank, it’s a long story. I have a fascination with the ocean, and you put a hot chick in there, it just adds more to it! I liked The Little Mermaid. It’s a cool movie. It’s one of those I watch over and over again.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

47. “When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

48. “I never go perform somewhere alone. I’ve done that since day one. I’ve always taken other comics with me.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

49. “People think if you have money, it’ll fix the problems, but it creates different ones.”

— Gabriel Iglesias

50. “TV show’s really quick. You’re in, you’re out. A film usually takes a lot longer. However, a voiceover is very much like TV in the sense that it’s really quick. For example, I did the movie Planes in one day.”

— Gabriel Iglesias