Top 70 Jerry Lawler Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.”

— Jerry Lawler

2. “I’m not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everyone equally!”

— Jerry Lawler

3. “Panties aren’t the greatest thing in the world, but they’re next to them.”

— Jerry Lawler

4. “One man’s trash is another man’s girlfriend.”

— Jerry Lawler

5. “Cheating is only cheating when you get caught.”

— Jerry Lawler

6. “Her, Me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?”

— Jerry Lawler

7. “Koko B. Ware is a crossword wrestler: he enters the ring vertically, and leaves horizontally.”

— Jerry Lawler

8. “I don’t know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper.”

— Jerry Lawler

9. “There is an old adage: love thy neighbor, but don’t get caught.”

— Jerry Lawler

10. “Do you have a quarter? My mom told me to call her when I meet the women of my dreams.”

— Jerry Lawler

11. “If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks?”

— Jerry Lawler

12. “Andy Kaufman’s mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!”

— Jerry Lawler

13. “I’d like to retain Trish Stratus’s services.”

— Jerry Lawler

14. “When David killed Goliath, Mae Young called the cops.”

— Jerry Lawler

15. “Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the Bible.”

— Jerry Lawler

16. “Women! Can’t live with ’em, no resale value.”

— Jerry Lawler

17. “When you were born and your mom saw your face and your rear end, she said “Oh! Siamesse Twins!””

— Jerry Lawler

18. “We just did a show in Providence, Rhode Island, and we got three puppy shots before we even got on the air, which was great. Although sometimes you get flashed by some puppies that you’d rather not see. They’re more like mongrels.”

— Jerry Lawler

19. “You know how I impress girls at the gym? I do pull ups: I pull up in a Corvette, in a Cadillac, and in a Mercedes.”

— Jerry Lawler

20. “You never really know a woman till you meet her in court.”

— Jerry Lawler

21. “I asked Sunny if she would ever consider dating you. She said she would rather give birth to a porcupine on fire.”

— Jerry Lawler

22. “I’m not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school.”

— Jerry Lawler

23. “As they say, anything can happen in the World Wrestling Federation.”

— Jerry Lawler

24. “ECW stands for Extremely Crappy Wrestling.”

— Jerry Lawler

25. “Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.”

— Jerry Lawler

26. “The only reason I lost to Aldo Montoya was the intoxicating fumes there were coming off his body from being around Jake Roberts.”

— Jerry Lawler

27. “As a baby, Bret Hart was so ugly that they had to put tinted windows on his incubator!”

— Jerry Lawler

28. “Go back to your bingo hall.”

— Jerry Lawler

29. “In this day and time, with no competition you are really walking a tightrope. I mean you may think that no competition is good, but in reality no competition is really bad.”

— Jerry Lawler

30. “But if I’ve heard this saying once, I’ve heard it a thousand times- everything happens for a reason. And possibly it does. I just haven’t found the reason that this all happened yet.”

— Jerry Lawler

31. “Ahmed Johnson came from a neighborhood where the most common words heard was, You have the right to remain silent.”

— Jerry Lawler

32. “I’m an artist and I can draw very well. I’m amazed that everybody can’t draw well because I can do it so effortlessly.”

— Jerry Lawler

33. “I’ve been here for nine years, and over that time, these people have become like my family.”

— Jerry Lawler

34. “Australia was great. I would advise anybody to go there. In fact, if you couldn’t live here, Australia would be the place to live. It’s the most Americanized country that I’ve ever seen in the world.”

— Jerry Lawler

35. “I don’t think it’s blowing my own horn to say the show is not as good. There was chemistry there that took years and years to build and now that’s gone. The commentary is lacking.”

— Jerry Lawler

36. “The only reason Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts doesn’t drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink.”

— Jerry Lawler

37. “Is he dancing or having a seizure?”

— Jerry Lawler

38. “Dustin Runnels came up to me and asked me if I made my peace with God today. I don’t know if I ever had a fight with him.”

— Jerry Lawler

39. “The Dudleys are going to get the VIP treatment this Sunday – Very Intense Pain!”

— Jerry Lawler

40. “If Mark Henry was the Titanic, the iceberg would’ve sank!”

— Jerry Lawler

41. “Crash Holly’s so short, you can see his feet on his driver’s licence photo.”

— Jerry Lawler

42. “It’s not often that you see a smile on the face of the Viper, but it actually looks good on there.”

— Jerry Lawler

43. “Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!”

— Jerry Lawler

44. “When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!”

— Jerry Lawler

45. “When I’m in bed with a woman, my favorite move is a wrestling hold called the lip lock.”

— Jerry Lawler

46. “Are you ready for some puppies?!”

— Jerry Lawler

47. “Being a 3-time Intercontinental champion doesn’t make you a great wrestler, just like Larry King having 9 wives don’t make him a great husband.”

— Jerry Lawler

48. “What do Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up!”

— Jerry Lawler

49. “Speaking of birthday suits, I think Mae Young’s needs ironing!”

— Jerry Lawler

50. “If charisma were rain, Blackman would be a desert.”

— Jerry Lawler