Top 160 Jonathan Stroud Quotes (2025 Update)
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51. “When I was young, I kept a diary for about 10 years and I had to write in it every day. Even on days when nothing seemed to happen, I made myself think of something to put in it.”

— Jonathan Stroud

52. “You speak with eerie calm, but your face promises violence. I feel a little frightened.”

— Jonathan Stroud

53. “Well,′ Lockwood said, “if you judge success by the number of enemies you make, that was a highly successful evening.”

— Jonathan Stroud

54. “Mr Lockwood, you’ve impressed a lot of people over the years. Personally, I expected you to be ghost-touched long ago, but your agency has flourished. Impress me again now... Let them forget about you... Even now, it’s probably not too late. – Inspector Barnes.”

— Jonathan Stroud

55. “That’s just it. I’m the first. And if my venture goes well, and I return to record it, many others will follow after me. There will be a new era between djinn and men. I’ve made some of the notes already, Rekhyt-my book will take pride of place in every library on the Earth. I won’t be there to see it-but who knows, perhaps you will.”

— Jonathan Stroud

56. “This is an interview, not a boxing match.”

— Jonathan Stroud

57. “Me, I was still in the pygmy hippo in a skirt, singing lusty songs about Solomon’s private life and a giant stone back and forth through the air as I climbed out of the quarry at the edge of the site.”

— Jonathan Stroud

58. “When I write something that would have made me laugh as a 10-year-old, or would have scared me or would have excited me, I know I’m onto something.”

— Jonathan Stroud

59. “In the meantime,” he said, “There are ghosts to foil and lives to save. But right now, it’s a lovely evening and I’m going for a stroll. That was the other thing I’d wanted, to see if you’ll come with me?”

— Jonathan Stroud

60. “It was one of those moments when a great Don’t Care wave hits you, and you float off on it, head back, looking at the sky.”

— Jonathan Stroud

61. “The important thing about any book is that you have to have a good story and that it has to be exciting. Then it’s nice to add other levels underneath that people can pick up on.”

— Jonathan Stroud

62. “I’m sorry, Miraculous One, it’s difficult to think of new titles for you when you ask short questions.”

— Jonathan Stroud

63. “Minor magicians take pains to fit this traditional wizardly bill. By contrast, the really powerful magicians take pleasure in looking like accountants.”

— Jonathan Stroud

64. “I’ts how I want to remember him, the way he was that night: with horrors up ahead and horrors at our back, and Lockwood standing in between them, calm and unafraid.”

— Jonathan Stroud

65. “I was having dark thoughts about waffles.”

— Jonathan Stroud

66. “The bristling eyebrows shot up in mock surprise. Mesmerized, the boy watched them disappear under the hanging thatch of white hair. There, almost coyly, they remained just out of sight for a moment, before suddenly descending with a terrible finality and weight.”

— Jonathan Stroud

67. “The mercenary finished his coffee in a single gulp, It must have been piping hot, too. Boy, he was tough.”

— Jonathan Stroud

68. “Is mindless violence your solution to everything?” The ghost considered. “Pretty much, yeah.”

— Jonathan Stroud

69. “Has anyone got any bandages? I’ve just split my sides laughing.”

— Jonathan Stroud

70. “Isn’t it hard to maintain an argument when you can read each other’s mind?”

— Jonathan Stroud

71. “He was transfixed at the sight of the lords and ladies of his realm running about like demented chickens.”

— Jonathan Stroud

72. “Watch where you leave your victims! I stubbed my toe on that.”

— Jonathan Stroud

73. “Most traditional ghost stories feature rather hapless protagonists, who have nasty things happen to them.”

— Jonathan Stroud

74. “If she’d repeatedly fallen over while crossing soft ground, you could have sewn a crop of beans in the chin-holes she left behind.”

— Jonathan Stroud

75. “It’s a commonly known fact that while cats can’t stand ghosts, spiders love them.”

— Jonathan Stroud

76. “Strange how sometimes you make a particular choice. When it’s not a specific thought or line of argument that decides you, but more a set of jumbled sensations that changes your mind.”

— Jonathan Stroud

77. “I wasn’t pretty, but as my mother once said, prettiness wasn’t my profession.”

— Jonathan Stroud

78. “Someone at Portland Row really missed you, you know... Me. – Holly.”

— Jonathan Stroud

79. “Whatever the cost, as long as you’re in my company, be sure I’ll always be there for you.”

— Jonathan Stroud

80. “Woman, man, mole, maggot – they’re all the same, when all’s said and done, except for slight variations in cognitive ability.”

— Jonathan Stroud

81. “Who says I’m dying? Did you see the amount of sheer effort it took me to escape the land of the dead? I’m not going back in now!”

— Jonathan Stroud

82. “The stories that bind us, Halli. The stories we live by, that dictate what we do and where we go. The stories that give us our names, our identities, the places we belong, the people we hate.”

— Jonathan Stroud

83. “And saw a field mouse whistling through the air in a karate attack position, claws out, hind legs foremost – right at him.”

— Jonathan Stroud

84. “Okay, maybe I’d been a little ratty, but there’s something about rotting corpses leaping at my face that puts me a bit on edge.”

— Jonathan Stroud

85. “George had his faraway look, the one that made him look like a constipated owl.”

— Jonathan Stroud

86. “Jabor finally appeared at the top of the stairs, sparks of flame radiating from his body and igniting the fabric of the house around him. He caught sight of the boy, reached out his hand and stepped forward. And banged his head nicely on the low-slung attic door.”

— Jonathan Stroud

87. “Never touch a mummified body part if you don’t know where it’s been. That’s my motto.”

— Jonathan Stroud

88. “Strong characters of their sort tend to gravitate together. Pride has a part to play in it, and other emotions too. Neither wishes to fail; each redoubles their effort to impress. Things get done – but not always the right things or not always the things expected. and there’s not much you can do to stop it.”

— Jonathan Stroud

89. “According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. I’ve never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you’re also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking.”

— Jonathan Stroud

90. “The caretaker was certainly very ancient, a tight and desiccated thing from which all softness and moisture had long since been extracted.”

— Jonathan Stroud

91. “His face was uniquely slapable – a nun would have ached to punch him – while his backside cried out to heaven for a well-placed kick.”

— Jonathan Stroud

92. “I – though forced through lack of space to assume the form of a stoic guinea pig crouched between the girl’s shoe and the glove compartment – was my usual dignified self.”

— Jonathan Stroud

93. “Ooh, I smell something burning... Wait, wait – it’s your pants ! Your pants are on fire, you massive liar ! You so weren’t on a case !”

— Jonathan Stroud

94. “How d’you want me to put it? You waltzed off on a whim and left us to pick up the pieces. Now you suddenly swan back and expect us to carry on where we left off! You can’t have it both ways – either we were affected by your departure or we weren’t. Which do you prefer?”

— Jonathan Stroud

95. “It wasn’t the body,” he said. “I’ve seen worse things in our fridge.”

— Jonathan Stroud

96. “There was a loud cough from the man on the stand. I replaced My Magic Mirror carefully on his tray, gave him a cheesy smile, and went my way.”

— Jonathan Stroud

97. “Mum’s dead.” “I’m sorry,” Lockwood said. A shrug of bony shoulders. “The good news is, she hasn’t risen again. So far.” There was a silence. “Try the cake,” George said. “It’s good.”

— Jonathan Stroud

98. “You kill, you lie, you rob, you hit old men and steal their boots. I only thank God you draw the line at swearing – it would have been just too dreadful otherwise.”

— Jonathan Stroud

99. “There was a devotion to detail here that could only come with genuine affection, perhaps even with love.”

— Jonathan Stroud

100. “He was very close to me. Our hands stayed on the windowsill like they were glued there. All at once he stepped back. “In the meantime,” he said, “there are ghosts to foil and lives to save. But right now it’s a lovely evening, and I’m going for a stroll. That was the other thing I wanted, to see if you’d come with me.” He adjusted his collar. “It’s the first outing for my new coat. What do you think of it?”

— Jonathan Stroud