Top 140 Lani Lynn Vale Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “It’s hard to find a sister that’s caring, loving, sweet, generous, and a good listener. So be gentle with me, and try not to lose me. -Tasha.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

52. “Lesson one: Only trust people with big butts. They cannot lie.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

53. “Do you want to know what I got for Christmas? Fat. I got fat.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

54. “Firemen never die, they just burn forever in the hearts of the people whose lives they saved.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

55. “More than I need my next breath. More than I need a drink in the middle of an Iraqi sand storm. More than I wanted sleep during Hell Week,” I whispered, looking deeply into her eyes. “More than absolutely anything. More than my own happiness. More than my own life. That’s how much I love you.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

56. “There’s a fine line to how much stupidity I can take before it exceeds the limits of my medication. And unfortunately for you, you just crossed it. -Mig to perp.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

57. “Don’t be a twatsicle.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

58. “Knowing what you cannot do is more important than knowing what you can. -Lucille Ball.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

59. “You know you have the key to a man’s heart when you have the keys to his truck. ‘Cause there’s no fuckin way he’d give those up if he wasn’t planning on taking payment in orgasms later. -Life Lesson.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

60. “Tall, blonde, tatted, sexy, and a devoted father. I think I’ll need some new panties now. -Reese’s secret thoughts.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

61. “Why is it so hard to draw a star without the lines in the middle? -One of life’s unanswered questions.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

62. “The object of war is not to die for your country, but make the other bastard die for his. -George S. Patton.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

63. “They say I have a mild case of PTSD. One that doesn’t really make itself known until it’s the dark of night.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

64. “Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to see the crazy in the eyes. -Life Lesson.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

65. “I’m sorry for what I said when you tried to wake me up. I don’t control that me. -Rue to Cleo Rue.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

66. “A book a day keeps reality away. -Coffee Cup Codie.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

67. “If I’m in a parking space about to back out, and you honk at me, you better believe I’ll sit there until I die. -Fact of Life.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

68. “I’m going to get some glow in the dark shoes so I can enlighten your ass.-Katy’s secret thoughts.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

69. “Sisters are like fat thighs. They stick together. -T-shirt.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

70. “Don’t half ass anything. Whatever you do, use your full ass. -Coffee Cup.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

71. “Nine out of ten children get their awesomeness from their mother.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

72. “I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good. -Blake before she eats a package of Oreos.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

73. “I was tired of being understanding. I wanted a man that put me first for once, not someone that would always put his club before me, or his job.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

74. “I read to escape reality, not to have reality intrude in my fairytales.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

75. “If she’s honest, caring, makes you breakfast, picks up after you, does your laundry without asking, lets you play Xbox, brings you beer, and lets you touch her ass, marry her. Yesterday. -Casten’s delusional thoughts Tasha.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

76. “I don’t jump to conclusions. I cannonball into them like a motherfuckin’ boss.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

77. “Chapter 14 Do you ever wonder why they didn’t make the Pringles can big enough for normal people to fit their hands into? If they did, I wouldn’t have to pour them directly into my mouth. -Miller to Trance.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

78. “The only worthwhile birth control is listening to a baby scream for 6 hours straight while you’re puking and haven’t eaten anything in four days. -Reese to Georgia.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

79. “And the Satan said, ‘Put the alphabet in math... ’ – coffee cup.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

80. “Probably because your boobs are too big and require too much oxygen to fuel your brain like most normal human beings.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

81. “When a woman says “What,” it’s not because she didn’t hear you, it’s because she’s giving you a chance to amend your answer.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

82. “That was my go-to emotion lately. When I wanted to scream, I stayed silent. When I wanted to cry, hit something or complain, I stayed silent.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

83. “I would do Christian Grey-ish things to you.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

84. “Gabe was Puerto Rican.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

85. “I hope you fall down with your hands in your pockets. -E-Card.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

86. “I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my comforter up last night. If that doesn’t accurately sum up my day, I don’t know what does.” – Apple to Ridley.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

87. “I didn’t mean to gain this much weight. It happened by snackcident.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

88. “If he puts his hand on your head to keep you from bumping it when he helps you in the car. -You might be a police wife.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

89. “A wave of possessiveness overcame me as I took in all the men from the station, as well as my own MC members, staring at the lovely vision before me. I wanted to rip their eyes from their sockets just for staring at my woman, but refrained.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

90. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will probably be put on YouTube by the time you make bail. -Fact of life.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

91. “I don’t have a sense of humor anymore. It’s literally just sarcasm and a general hate of the majority of the human population. -Fact of Life.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

92. “As I listened to his retreat, and Kosher’s claws following in his wake, I felt around for Radar’s head and pulled him in close to my chest. Then I whispered the same prayer that I did every time he left me to go on shift. “Keep him safe, day and night. Give him courage, strength and might.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

93. “A lot of people didn’t like cops just on general principle. They had no problem calling us when they were in need of our services, though. Even the ones that had a problem with our authority, like.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

94. “Adulthood is like looking both ways to cross a street only to get hit by a falling object. Unpredictable and headache inducing.” – fact of life.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

95. “Part of a parent’s job, making sure their kids are provided for and well taken care of. Nowhere in the handbooks, though, does it say I have to be nice while doing it,” he informed me.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

96. “There are many things I’ve learned over the years by being a father of three and that was that a strong hand was needed. To hold my beer. Or on those rare occasions, sometimes even whiskey. Because when you live in a household of women, something’s got to take the edge off. Otherwise, a man, such as myself, would go crazy.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

97. “I’m sorry for the things I said when you woke me up. Next time just bring me coffee and run. Fast. -Sincerely, not a morning person.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

98. “My heart bleeds as I think about losing the man that I compared all my potential husband’s to. -Blake.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

99. “I’d never been one to have spontaneous orgasms before, but there was a first for everything.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

100. “Scream. Yell. Pinch. Kick. All of that is fine. Just don’t cry. If you cry, then I start feeling punchy. And nobody likes it when I start feeling punchy. -Luke to Reese.”

— Lani Lynn Vale