Top 140 Lani Lynn Vale Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Four wheels move the body, two wheels move the soul. -Biker truth.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

2. “Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

3. “Don’t try to explain yourself to stupid people. You’re not the jackass whisperer.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

4. “It’s throat punch Thursday, and I’m offering free tickets.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

5. “A boy makes his girl jealous of other women. A man makes other women jealous of his girl. -How to be a man Cleo.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

6. “Did a cartwheel the other day. Found out it is most definitely not like riding a bike.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

7. “Roses are red, Foxes are clever. I like your butt, let me touch it forever. -Redneck Love Poem.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

8. “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. -Winnie the Pooh.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

9. “I’m not sure where you learned to whisper, but my guess is in a helicopter surrounded by chainsaws.-Logan’s secret thoughts.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

10. “Cute enough to stop your heart, skilled enough to restart it.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

11. “You don’t need to drive me crazy. I’m close enough to walk.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

12. “I thought I was a good person until I started hanging out with you bitches. Now I stand corrected.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

13. “I started my day waking up in a pool of my own blood. Is that how you’d like to end yours?” -Lenore, period day 1.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

14. “The only “B” word you should ever call a woman is beautiful. Why? Because bitches love to be called beautiful. – T-shirt.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

15. “It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I’m a nice person.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

16. “Basically, if you can pull off a beard, you can pull off my underwear.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

17. “I like to burn my bridges while I’m still standing on them so people know I’m serious about my crazy.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

18. “Some people will only love you if you fit into their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass. -E-card.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

19. “Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

20. “Our flag does not fly because the wind moves it. It flies with the last breath of each soldier who died protecting it.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

21. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. But it’s not my fault you’re stupid. -Fact of life.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

22. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact. -T-shirt.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

23. “You can trust your dog to guard your house, but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich. -T-shirt.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

24. “A good man breaks your headboard, not your heart. -Rules to live by.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

25. “I’m scared of walking out of this room, and never feeling the rest of my whole life, the way I feel when I’m with you.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

26. “If you’re arguing with your woman, and she says, ‘go ahead, I don’t care,’ don’t listen to her. It’s a trick.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

27. “I don’t have a step daughter. I have a daughter that was born before I met her.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

28. “I hate it when I eat my last bite, not realizing it’s the last bite, then immediately get sad because I wasn’t able to mentally prepare.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

29. “You know, if you were a vegetable, you’d be a cabbitch!” The old man yelled.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

30. “I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire. -T-shirt.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

31. “I like to make lists. I also like to leave them on the kitchen table and guess what I need when I’m at the store.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

32. “I’m fat because I’m full of experiences. Experiences that took place at a Mexican restaurant.-Oakley’s secret thoughts.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

33. “Teach your girl to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper. -Life.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

34. “Life is so boring when you don’t have an online order to look forward to.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

35. “You can tell a woman’s mood by watching her hands. For instance, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

36. “I take super hot showers because I like to practice burning in hell. -Kitt to Ridley Kitt.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

37. “I love you. I love your face. I love the way your beard makes me shiver. I love the pretty words that come out of your mouth when you’re trying to make me laugh. One day, we’re going to part, and the only thing I want you to remember when I’m no longer of this Earth is that not a day went by that I didn’t thank my lucky stars for you.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

38. “I’m not sure if Target knows this, but there’s a whole demographic of women who want to wear shorts that don’t show off their twat.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

39. “Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. -Morticia Adams.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

40. “Why are there upper and lowercase letters, but not numbers? Sometimes I want to write loud numbers, and I can’t do that since there aren’t any uppercase numbers.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

41. “They say laughter is the best medicine. They lie. Its brownies. -E-card Jack.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

42. “Nothing compares to taking your bra off after a long day. -Things men will never know or understand.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

43. “When you make sure you’re on the same page with someone, also make sure you are in the same book, and all parties know how to read. -Words of wisdom.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

44. “Be a unicorn, not a twatapotamus.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

45. “The most deadly mammal on the planet is a silent, smiling woman. -Note to self.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

46. “I may not voice my opinion often, but when I do you need to shut your filthy, donkey humping mouth and listen to what I have to say. -Word of advice.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

47. “She asked me to say something sexy to her, so I whispered, “I’m a fireman.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

48. “You have to take the bull by the horns. Or the cowboy by the belt buckle. Whatever.-Text from Desi to Codie.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

49. “I don’t understand your specific brand of crazy, but I do commend your devotion to it. -Truth to his ex.”

— Lani Lynn Vale

50. “My level of sarcasm has gotten to the point where even I don’t know whether I’m kidding or not. -T-shirt.”

— Lani Lynn Vale