Top 120 Lewis Black Quotes (2024 Update)
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Lewis Black Quote: “Americans continue to rapidly homogenize ourselves into a neutered oblivion. For a country founded on the protection of the unique, we relish our sameness.”

101. “Americans continue to rapidly homogenize ourselves into a neutered oblivion. For a country founded on the protection of the unique, we relish our sameness.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that’s the truth.”

102. “I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that’s the truth.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “Well first of all, I’d just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.”

103. “Well first of all, I’d just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.”

104. “I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.”

105. “Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “I don’t need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track.”

106. “I don’t need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “And I know this happens because I took economics, and I’d explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o’clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye.”

107. “And I know this happens because I took economics, and I’d explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o’clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “Oh sure, I have regrets, but that’s the nice thing about age. Regrets fade. And eventually, you die.”

108. “Oh sure, I have regrets, but that’s the nice thing about age. Regrets fade. And eventually, you die.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “Stupidity really gets me going, when it’s just plain stupid, obvious stupidity. And I think that’s the reason my act has become more political. I’ve become somewhat more of a political comic because the level of stupidity I’ve watched is staggering.”

109. “Stupidity really gets me going, when it’s just plain stupid, obvious stupidity. And I think that’s the reason my act has become more political. I’ve become somewhat more of a political comic because the level of stupidity I’ve watched is staggering.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “Democrats should be focused on which way we can help the most people in this country, and Republicans should be focused on how to do that in the most fiscally responsible manner possible.”

110. “Democrats should be focused on which way we can help the most people in this country, and Republicans should be focused on how to do that in the most fiscally responsible manner possible.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “I’m not a big birthday guy; I never have been.”

111. “I’m not a big birthday guy; I never have been.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come out of the audience and tell me the worst joke ever. It’s just a guarantee.”

112. “I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come out of the audience and tell me the worst joke ever. It’s just a guarantee.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the image they’re showing is the same as the one in your head, kill yourself. You’re better off coming back as a lobster.”

113. “If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the image they’re showing is the same as the one in your head, kill yourself. You’re better off coming back as a lobster.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “There’s a whole group of Christians who believe the individual is more important, but in the end I don’t think that’s what Christ was talking about.”

114. “There’s a whole group of Christians who believe the individual is more important, but in the end I don’t think that’s what Christ was talking about.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you’re eating something.”

115. “I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you’re eating something.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “I’ve been very lucky. There are guys I know who are really terrific in this business of stand-up who have not gotten the recognition they deserve. And it’s nice, if you’ve put in the time, to achieve that recognition.”

116. “I’ve been very lucky. There are guys I know who are really terrific in this business of stand-up who have not gotten the recognition they deserve. And it’s nice, if you’ve put in the time, to achieve that recognition.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “You know what would help the instruction form? Verbs! Verbs would be nice! Because they help you get to the end of a thought!”

117. “You know what would help the instruction form? Verbs! Verbs would be nice! Because they help you get to the end of a thought!”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “Apparently there is no profit in the unique, or not enough to make it worthwhile to preserve. Ultimately it drains the life out of us, and existentialism starts to make more and more sense.”

118. “Apparently there is no profit in the unique, or not enough to make it worthwhile to preserve. Ultimately it drains the life out of us, and existentialism starts to make more and more sense.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “In Canada I’m not dealing with people who are bringing in baggage, they just get it. But New Orleans will be a bit different. If there’s a group of people who have a right to be bitter, it’s the people of New Orleans.”

119. “In Canada I’m not dealing with people who are bringing in baggage, they just get it. But New Orleans will be a bit different. If there’s a group of people who have a right to be bitter, it’s the people of New Orleans.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I’ll have to eat both!”

120. “Should I eat this or should I eat this? Well, I’ll have to eat both!”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it’s become good business, and God knows how long that’ll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on ‘Piers Morgan’ or on some show and I think, ‘I hope this is funny.’”

121. “It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it’s become good business, and God knows how long that’ll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on ‘Piers Morgan’ or on some show and I think, ‘I hope this is funny.’”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don’t know how much older I can get.”

122. “I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don’t know how much older I can get.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “I think inevitably over the course of my lifetime there’s been an underestimation of the American people, and I believe they are really the ones that give me hope. There’s so much of “they don’t know this, and they don’t know that,” and they’re always denigrating.”

123. “I think inevitably over the course of my lifetime there’s been an underestimation of the American people, and I believe they are really the ones that give me hope. There’s so much of “they don’t know this, and they don’t know that,” and they’re always denigrating.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “I get an idea about something. I just start thinking about it, and then I get onstage and I talk about it, and then I think about it some more and talk about it some more, and think about it some more and talk about it some more, until it starts to take a shape.”

124. “I get an idea about something. I just start thinking about it, and then I get onstage and I talk about it, and then I think about it some more and talk about it some more, and think about it some more and talk about it some more, until it starts to take a shape.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “The Droid I had actually seemed to have free will, which I thought was interesting.”

125. “The Droid I had actually seemed to have free will, which I thought was interesting.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “The kids say golf taught them this and that. I get it with the military: A guy joins the military because he needs discipline and has to find himself. But don’t tell me, ‘Golf helps you find yourself.’ I’ve been playing my whole life, and I’m still looking for myself.”

126. “The kids say golf taught them this and that. I get it with the military: A guy joins the military because he needs discipline and has to find himself. But don’t tell me, ‘Golf helps you find yourself.’ I’ve been playing my whole life, and I’m still looking for myself.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “I’ve always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.”

127. “I’ve always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.”

— Lewis Black

Lewis Black Quote: “Humor is how we find comfort in the totally illogical, for it is the bridge back to the logical.”

128. “Humor is how we find comfort in the totally illogical, for it is the bridge back to the logical.”

— Lewis Black

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