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Top 10 Max Brallier Quotes (2025 Update)

Max Brallier Quote: “The monsters simply stare. Silence hangs in the air like a poorly timed fart.”

1. “The monsters simply stare. Silence hangs in the air like a poorly timed fart.”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “Back in town, I can’t contain my excitement! We’re throwing a real-life Battle Royale right here in Wakefield! Skaelka yells, “YES! Combat! Finally!” Before I can explain the rules, there’s a CLANG. And then another. The sound of real weapons. At the first mention of battle, the monsters are unsheathing interdimensional swords and brushing off monstrous maces!”

2. “Back in town, I can’t contain my excitement! We’re throwing a real-life Battle Royale right here in Wakefield! Skaelka yells, “YES! Combat! Finally!” Before I can explain the rules, there’s a CLANG. And then another. The sound of real weapons. At the first mention of battle, the monsters are unsheathing interdimensional swords and brushing off monstrous maces!”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “I was totally not a hero, totally not a tough guy, totally not fighting giant monsters. But look at me now. Battling a gargantuan beast on the roof of the local CVS. Life is crazy like that.”

3. “I was totally not a hero, totally not a tough guy, totally not fighting giant monsters. But look at me now. Battling a gargantuan beast on the roof of the local CVS. Life is crazy like that.”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “I earn them by completing goals and challenges.”

4. “I earn them by completing goals and challenges.”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “Forty-two days ago, I was regular Jack Sullivan: thirteen years old, living an uneventful life in the uninteresting town of Wakefield.”

5. “Forty-two days ago, I was regular Jack Sullivan: thirteen years old, living an uneventful life in the uninteresting town of Wakefield.”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “Now, I realize in terms of, like, all-time ultimate heroic quests, “writing a book” doesn’t exactly rank up there with Frodo carrying the ring to Mount Doom, but whatever.”

6. “Now, I realize in terms of, like, all-time ultimate heroic quests, “writing a book” doesn’t exactly rank up there with Frodo carrying the ring to Mount Doom, but whatever.”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “Xbox and the toaster oven and the RC helicopter and the massage chair and the Christmas lights and all that jazz.”

7. “Xbox and the toaster oven and the RC helicopter and the massage chair and the Christmas lights and all that jazz.”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “But like I tell him, that doesn’t explain the feeling in my gut. He tells me the feeling in my gut is probably just gas and I sock him on the arm.”

8. “But like I tell him, that doesn’t explain the feeling in my gut. He tells me the feeling in my gut is probably just gas and I sock him on the arm.”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “Quint holds up his hand. “Dirk, you have no reason to be angry at me. You clearly have some sort of chip on your shoulder, and – ” “Wait, he does?” I look at Dirk. “Is it a chocolate chip?” Quint.”

9. “Quint holds up his hand. “Dirk, you have no reason to be angry at me. You clearly have some sort of chip on your shoulder, and – ” “Wait, he does?” I look at Dirk. “Is it a chocolate chip?” Quint.”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “Something was covering the windows – wrapping around the bus. A monster hand.”

10. “Something was covering the windows – wrapping around the bus. A monster hand.”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “It’s gross and weird,” Quint admits. “But there’s free Oreo crumble!”

11. “It’s gross and weird,” Quint admits. “But there’s free Oreo crumble!”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “That’s me. Not the giant monster. Beneath the giant monster. The kid on his back, with the splintered bat. The handsome kid, about to get eaten.”

12. “That’s me. Not the giant monster. Beneath the giant monster. The kid on his back, with the splintered bat. The handsome kid, about to get eaten.”

— Max Brallier

Max Brallier Quote: “That’s why this is so hard. Because I want to go on an epic adventure. But I also want to stay here and have nothing change ever. I can’t have both, though.”

13. “That’s why this is so hard. Because I want to go on an epic adventure. But I also want to stay here and have nothing change ever. I can’t have both, though.”

— Max Brallier

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