Top 100

Top 120 Molly Harper Quotes (2024 Update)
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Molly Harper Quote: “Somewhere in my heart a little door closed with a clean, quiet “snick.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Nick and I are putting on a puppet show, Coop,” I responded dryly. “Please, Lord, don’t let that be a position I haven’t heard of,” Cooper said, shuddering.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Your fancy scientific method is that I’m going to tie a rope around your waist and drag you back to safety when you push yourself too hard? Like in Poltergeist?” “It worked in Poltergeist.” “Just when I think you may the smartest person I’ve ever met, you go and say something like that.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Jillian’s mouth pulled back at the corners. “Ivy comes highly recommended, is even more qualified, but her bedside manner is appropriate for working with dead people.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Wal-mart started selling “Vampire Home Defense Kits”, including holy water, crosses, stakes, mallets, and a book of quick blessings to bar vampires from your door. The fact that these kits were generally useless didn’t bother me nearly as much as the idea of holy water being sold at wal-mart.”
Molly Harper Quote: “And in between the disturbing innuendos, there was normally a nugget of likability. Buried deep, deep down.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Do you want to take a bath?” “Do I get the rubber fish?” He shook his head. “No, Herr Scalesnstuff is mine, but I’ll let you borrow Dr. Squeakenstein.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Why would anyone on the crew put on a red shirt? Honestly, it’s like they’re standing in front of their closet, and they’re thinking, ‘Yellow? Blue? Nah, today’s a good day to die.”
Molly Harper Quote: “I worry when I’m not called to save your cute little hind end at least once a week.” “I don’t have a cute little hind end,” I groused. “I know, it’s more medium to large, but I was trying to be kind,” he replied, dodging the Pocket Guide to Poltergeist Activity I chucked at him.”
Molly Harper Quote: “And while the Council generally tolerates murder, it finds murder for hire distasteful.”
Molly Harper Quote: “What the hell happened in there? Did Akako Tomita attack you? I will cut that woman.” “She’s a supernaturally strong ancient creature with nine blades hidden in her invisible tails.” “I would figure something out,” Sonja insisted.”
Molly Harper Quote: “My mother had spent one hundred dollars on shipping to send me cookies, antimeat propaganda, and laxatives.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD.”
Molly Harper Quote: “And I was wearing makeup. Yes, I did own makeup, blush and powder and Chapstick. But not eyeliner. There was an incident in college. I had to wear an eye patch for two weeks.”
Molly Harper Quote: “If I had a nickel for every time I heard the words ‘I don’t want to ruin our friendship ’ I wouldn’t be driving a car with an ominously flashing ‘check engine’ light.”
Molly Harper Quote: “If Finn had brought me something with bubbles, I probably would have performed explicit favors for him involving feathers and chocolate pudding.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Visiting Specialty Books was like living in an episode of Extreme Hoarders: Bibliophiles.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Two hundred years of work experience was a human resources nightmare.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Just wear the tank top.” “It’s not meant to – ” “Wearing something on top of that is a waste of your God-given gift of cleavage,” he insisted. “It’s practically blasphemy.”
Molly Harper Quote: “He likes me!” Finn exclaimed, sounding downright giddy. “You brought him a rare LEGO. You could burn down our house, and he would still look at you all googly-eyed.” “Don’t ruin this moment for me,” he said, shushing me.”
Molly Harper Quote: “New vampires are discouraged from trying to return to their normal human routines. Especially if those routines include tanning or working as a fireman. Your day will not end well.”
Molly Harper Quote: “I learned never to take him into a baby store. Ever. He snickered every time he heard the word ‘nipple.’” “Well, that’s what you get for dating a giant twelve-year-old,” I told her, sitting on Jolene’s left.”
Molly Harper Quote: “The heart, you moron!” she screeched, clutching at the stake. “It has to be the heart!” “Oh, right, thanks,” I said, grabbing another sign. I screamed as I drove it home, aiming more carefully this time.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Why is everyone so surprised that I have a stun gun?” “Because I’ve seen you staple your hand to a purchase order,” Andrea told me.”
Molly Harper Quote: “When Gilbert needed money for graduate school, I sold a kidney on the black market for tuition.” “We can grow those back?” I asked. “It wasn’t my kidney.” “And now we’re back to the disturbing territory I’m comfortable with.”
Molly Harper Quote: “They were barely children, really, more like hyper badgers in Abercrombie and Fitch T-shirts.”
Molly Harper Quote: “And I was beginning to suspect that Andrea was slipping extra espresso into her magical mystery coffee potions because “caffeinated Jane” amused her.”
Molly Harper Quote: “How many family conversations are going to be interrupted by me telling you, no, you can’t kill someone and make it look like an accident?”
Molly Harper Quote: “But she was going to eat as much pie as she damn well pleased, because as far as she was concerned, sugar was a natural substance that kept people around her from getting injured.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Did I just get psychically pimp-slapped by a little old lady?”
Molly Harper Quote: “Besides, when I take you to bed, we’re going to stay there for a long, long time. I don’t want the sun to interrupt us, which it would in just a few hours.” Did he say hours? Gabriel kissed my slack mouth and asked, “No response?” “Yay?”
Molly Harper Quote: “There was also an alarming assortment of junk food, including ready-made cheesecake filling in a tub, which I didn’t even know existed. And now that I was aware of it, I was extremely disgruntled that I couldn’t eat any of it.”
Molly Harper Quote: “But constantly thinking and talking about food is what makes werewolves some of the best chefs in the world. Think about it. Have you ever seen Emeril Lagasse during a full moon?”
Molly Harper Quote: “Of course, at the reading of Aunt Jettie’s will, Grandma Ruthie was handed an envelope containing a carefully folded high-resolution picture of a baboon’s butt. That pretty much summed up their relationship.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Food could be simple. Food could be anything you wanted, whether the ingredients came from a farmer’s market or a convenience store. Food could be fan-freaking-tastic.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Jettie was the one who undid some of the damage from my mother’s “birds and bees” talk, entitled “Nice Girls Don’t Do That. Ever.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Dozens of freshly sharpened pencils were aimed straight at my chest. That did even things out a bit. “Let me ask you something. When you set about to make something like that, what exactly goes through your head?” He shrugged. “Mostly, ‘boobs, beer, this will be cool, boobs, beer.’ ” I bit my lip, because laughing didn’t seem appropriate at the moment. “Well, you’re honest.”
Molly Harper Quote: “The fact that I could correctly make a reference to the Borg was probably part of the reason I was not being accepted into the Collective.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Anyone can show up for stuff like graduations and birthdays. Only the people who truly love you will help you move.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Even after having months to adjust, Iris was “displeased” about my employment, which was like saying PETA was displeased by the popularity of TripleMeat Whataburgers.”
Molly Harper Quote: “I’ve never done this before. I didn’t go to human bars. Mudslides aside, I’m not much of a drinker. Club people are not my people. Now, book-club people –.”
Molly Harper Quote: “It’s hard to forget a woman who manages to seduce you while spouting odd literary trivia and anatomically specific threats.”
Molly Harper Quote: “The two of them had a strange chemistry, like ammonia and bleach.”
Molly Harper Quote: “You will treat my underwear with the reverence it deserves. Next time, you will stop and appreciate – hell, you’ll marvel at the miracle of my ass clad in silk.”
Molly Harper Quote: “You should be just as respectful to authority figures and public servants, even if you can now drain them dry. Because your kids are watching you. Also, because it’s still illegal to drain authority figures and public servants dry.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Before you find yourself stranded in the woods with a cranky apex predator, ask yourself: Do I really want to go on a camping trip with a vampire? The answer is probably going to be no.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Jane, if you’d been able to read these books, would you have felt more prepared, or would you have worked yourself into an information-overload-fueled frenzy, convinced that you could arrange the whole wedding yourself, and eventually killed one of your loved ones in a glue-gun-related mishap?” she asked, her lips quirked. “Probably that second one,” I admitted.”
Molly Harper Quote: “I look like Barbara Bush in drag.” Aunt Jettie.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Danny was a matador. Other cast members included a chubby Italian chef, a mime, and, for some reason, a mummy. I found that offensive on behalf of living Egyptian people, but I also knew that Parker McHune’s mother couldn’t sew, so wrapping her son in Ace bandages was the best she could do.”
Molly Harper Quote: “Let’s just wait and see if I like the girls they marry,” she said. “So, that means your dress is new, and the necklace is old and blue. What can you borrow?” “A time machine.”
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