“Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn’t funny. It’s a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it’s not a surprise anymore.”
1. “Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?”
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2. “The road to success is always under construction.”
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4. “I need a six month vacation twice a year.”
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5. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
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12. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.”
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13. “Dear Karma, I have a list of people that you missed.”
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18. “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.”
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19. “I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”
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20. “If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.”
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26. “Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.”
— Parkinson's law
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28. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
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34. “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
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37. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
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38. “Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
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39. “So long, and thanks for all the fish.”
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43. “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
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44. “I’d far rather be happy than right any day.”
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48. “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
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49. “42 is a nice number that you can take home and introduce to your family.”
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