Top 200 Garrison Keillor Quotes (2024 Update)

1. “Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.”

— Garrison Keillor

Featured in: Happy Quotes, Caring Quotes, Graduation Quotes, Communication Quotes, Goodbye Quotes

2. “Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.”

— Garrison Keillor

Featured in: Funny Quotes, Storytelling Quotes, Funny Wednesday Quotes, Funny Monday Quotes

3. “A book is a gift you can open again and again.”

— Garrison Keillor

Featured in: Cute Quotes

4. “Give up your good ‘Christian’ life and follow Jesus.”

— Garrison Keillor

Featured in: Christian Quotes

5. “Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”

— Garrison Keillor

6. “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”

— Garrison Keillor

Featured in: Christmas Quotes

7. “Pumpkin pie is a living symbol of mediocrity. The best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn’t all that much different from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate.”

— Garrison Keillor

8. “March is the month God created to show people who don’t drink what a hangover is like.”

— Garrison Keillor

9. “Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.”

— Garrison Keillor

10. “When in doubt, look intelligent.”

— Garrison Keillor

11. “Sing your song; don’t let the bastards get you down.”

— Garrison Keillor

12. “Powdermilk biscuits: Heavens, theyre tasty and expeditious! Theyre made from whole wheat, to give shy persons the strength to get up and do what needs to be done.”

— Garrison Keillor

13. “You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.”

— Garrison Keillor

Featured in: Quotes About Stories

14. “They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.”

— Garrison Keillor

15. “When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.”

— Garrison Keillor

Featured in: Country Quotes

16. “Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.”

— Garrison Keillor

17. “Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.”

— Garrison Keillor

18. “Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it!”

— Garrison Keillor

19. “It’s a shallow life that doesn’t give a person a few scars.”

— Garrison Keillor

20. “Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.”

— Garrison Keillor

21. “Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.”

— Garrison Keillor

22. “Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.”

— Garrison Keillor

23. “Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.”

— Garrison Keillor

24. “A man can’t eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.”

— Garrison Keillor

25. “Winter: It’s not just a season, it’s who we are.”

— Garrison Keillor

Featured in: Winter Quotes

26. “Scripture doesn’t promise that God will remove temptation, only that you’ll be given strength to withstand it.”

— Garrison Keillor

27. “You’ve got work to do. Don’t put this off. And don’t take the long view, here. You know? Life is today and tomorrow and- and if you’re lucky, next week.”

— Garrison Keillor

28. “As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.”

— Garrison Keillor

Featured in: Romance Quotes

29. “Take care of your friends. Because there will come a time when you’ll be no good to anyone, and the only reason for people to talk to you will be sheer habit.”

— Garrison Keillor

30. “Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won’t feel so thankful then.”

— Garrison Keillor

31. “Life is continuous. Life never stops. We come to the really great questions and before we can answer them, life has moved on to something else.”

— Garrison Keillor

32. “Your life is a work of art, and in the end, the underlying theme of great art is bravery and hope and love.”

— Garrison Keillor

33. “One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don’t read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining.”

— Garrison Keillor

34. “It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn’t hear the barbarians coming.”

— Garrison Keillor

35. “I want to resume the life of a shy person.”

— Garrison Keillor

36. “Dogs don’t lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now let me, by night or day, Be just as full of truth as they.”

— Garrison Keillor

37. “Honesty is a rare commodity in a palace, and that is why so many fairy-tale marriages end up on the rocks.”

— Garrison Keillor

38. “If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster.”

— Garrison Keillor

Featured in: Fun Quotes

39. “Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.”

— Garrison Keillor

40. “A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people.”

— Garrison Keillor

41. “I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.”

— Garrison Keillor

42. “Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.”

— Garrison Keillor

43. “The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.”

— Garrison Keillor

44. “Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.”

— Garrison Keillor

45. “When you wage war on the public schools, you’re attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You’re not a conservative, you’re a vandal.”

— Garrison Keillor

46. “Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we’ve gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.”

— Garrison Keillor

47. “Every show is your last show. That’s my philosophy.”

— Garrison Keillor

48. “A good friend is a person who thinks you’re one of the good eggs, even if he knows you’re a little cracked.”

— Garrison Keillor

49. “My ability to keep cool in a crisis is based entirely on not knowing all the facts.”

— Garrison Keillor

50. “Childhood is the small town everyone came from.”

— Garrison Keillor