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Top 300 Roald Dahl Quotes (2024 Update)
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Roald Dahl Quote: “She might even – and this will make you jump – she might even be your lovely school-teacher who is reading these words to you at this very moment.”

251. “She might even – and this will make you jump – she might even be your lovely school-teacher who is reading these words to you at this very moment.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “She sat there majestic in her armchair, filling every inch of it. Not even a mouse could have squeezed in to sit beside her.”

252. “She sat there majestic in her armchair, filling every inch of it. Not even a mouse could have squeezed in to sit beside her.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “She seemed to be coiled in herself, as though with a secret she was jealously guarding.”

253. “She seemed to be coiled in herself, as though with a secret she was jealously guarding.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “The next day she carried her secret weapon to school in her satchel. She was tingling with excitement. She was longing to tell matilda about her plan of battle. In fact, she wanted to tell the whole class. But she finally decided to tell nobody. It was better that way, because then no one, even when put under the most severe torture, would be able to name her as a culprit.”

254. “The next day she carried her secret weapon to school in her satchel. She was tingling with excitement. She was longing to tell matilda about her plan of battle. In fact, she wanted to tell the whole class. But she finally decided to tell nobody. It was better that way, because then no one, even when put under the most severe torture, would be able to name her as a culprit.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “The rooster has a funny little paper hat over its head, like an ice-cream cone upside down, and my dad is pointing to it proudly and saying, ‘Stroke him. Go on, stroke him. Do anything you like to him. He won’t move an inch.’ The rooster starts scratching.”

255. “The rooster has a funny little paper hat over its head, like an ice-cream cone upside down, and my dad is pointing to it proudly and saying, ‘Stroke him. Go on, stroke him. Do anything you like to him. He won’t move an inch.’ The rooster starts scratching.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “But Goldilocks, like many freaks, Does not appreciate antiques.”

256. “But Goldilocks, like many freaks, Does not appreciate antiques.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “The watchers below could see the chocolate swishing around the boy in the pipe, and they could see it building up behind him in a solid mass, pushing against the blockage. The pressure was terrific. Something had to give. Something did give, and that something was Augustus. WHOOF! Up he shot again like a bullet in the barrel of a gun.”

257. “The watchers below could see the chocolate swishing around the boy in the pipe, and they could see it building up behind him in a solid mass, pushing against the blockage. The pressure was terrific. Something had to give. Something did give, and that something was Augustus. WHOOF! Up he shot again like a bullet in the barrel of a gun.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “If it’s by an American it’s certain to be filth. That’s all they write about.”

258. “If it’s by an American it’s certain to be filth. That’s all they write about.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Yesterday,” he said, “we was not believing in giants, was we? Today we is not believing in snozzcumbers. Just because we happen not to have actually seen something with our own two little winkles, we think it is not existing.”

259. “Yesterday,” he said, “we was not believing in giants, was we? Today we is not believing in snozzcumbers. Just because we happen not to have actually seen something with our own two little winkles, we think it is not existing.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “The teeth of the dreadly viper is still sticking into me!’ he yelled. ‘I is feeling the teeth sticking into my anklet!”

260. “The teeth of the dreadly viper is still sticking into me!’ he yelled. ‘I is feeling the teeth sticking into my anklet!”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Every dream in the world is making a different sort of buzzy-hum music.”

261. “Every dream in the world is making a different sort of buzzy-hum music.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Hooray!” said the Chief of the Army. “Let’s blow everyone up! Bang-bang! Bang-bang!”

262. “Hooray!” said the Chief of the Army. “Let’s blow everyone up! Bang-bang! Bang-bang!”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Crocodile tongues!” he cried. “One thousand long slimy crocodile tongues boiled up in the skull of a dead witch for twenty days and nights with the eyeballs of a lizard! Add the fingers of a young monkey, the gizzard of a pig, the beak of a green parrot, the juice of a porcupine, and three spoonfuls of sugar. Stew for another week, and then let the moon do the rest!”

263. “Crocodile tongues!” he cried. “One thousand long slimy crocodile tongues boiled up in the skull of a dead witch for twenty days and nights with the eyeballs of a lizard! Add the fingers of a young monkey, the gizzard of a pig, the beak of a green parrot, the juice of a porcupine, and three spoonfuls of sugar. Stew for another week, and then let the moon do the rest!”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Slowly, wearily, the foxes began to slope the tunnel up.”

264. “Slowly, wearily, the foxes began to slope the tunnel up.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Puffin is over seventy years old.”

265. “Puffin is over seventy years old.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “This morning from a halibut.”

266. “This morning from a halibut.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Matilda said nothing. She simply sat there admiring the wonderful effect of her own handiwork. Mr Wormwood’s fine crop of black hair was now a dirty silver, the colour this time of a tightrope-walker’s tights that had not been washed for the entire circus season.”

267. “Matilda said nothing. She simply sat there admiring the wonderful effect of her own handiwork. Mr Wormwood’s fine crop of black hair was now a dirty silver, the colour this time of a tightrope-walker’s tights that had not been washed for the entire circus season.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “I like enthusiasts of any kind.”

268. “I like enthusiasts of any kind.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “The Greeks have a trick of disguising a poor quality wine by adding pine resin to it, the idea being that the taste of the resin is not quite so appalling as the taste of the wine. We drank retsina because that was all there was.”

269. “The Greeks have a trick of disguising a poor quality wine by adding pine resin to it, the idea being that the taste of the resin is not quite so appalling as the taste of the wine. We drank retsina because that was all there was.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “I cannot be helping it if I sometimes is saying things a little squiggly. I.”

270. “I cannot be helping it if I sometimes is saying things a little squiggly. I.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “You mean to tell me,’ I said, ‘that every time I pleasure a young lady, I shoot into her two thousand million spermatozoa?’ ‘Absolutely.’ ‘All squiggling and squirming and thrashing about?’ ‘Of course.’ ‘No wonder it gives her a charge,’ I said. A.”

271. “You mean to tell me,’ I said, ‘that every time I pleasure a young lady, I shoot into her two thousand million spermatozoa?’ ‘Absolutely.’ ‘All squiggling and squirming and thrashing about?’ ‘Of course.’ ‘No wonder it gives her a charge,’ I said. A.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “My grandmother was the only grandmother I ever met who smoked cigars.”

272. “My grandmother was the only grandmother I ever met who smoked cigars.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Men were foolish and were made only so that they should die, while mountains and rivers went on for ever and did not notice the passing of time.”

273. “Men were foolish and were made only so that they should die, while mountains and rivers went on for ever and did not notice the passing of time.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “It seemed to be suspended by some invisible thread, like a toy bird hanging from the ceiling.”

274. “It seemed to be suspended by some invisible thread, like a toy bird hanging from the ceiling.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “It’s worse than that, William! It’s diabolical! Do you know what this means? It means that decent folk like you and me can’t even go out and have a little fun at night without risking a broken leg or arm. We might even break our necks!”

275. “It’s worse than that, William! It’s diabolical! Do you know what this means? It means that decent folk like you and me can’t even go out and have a little fun at night without risking a broken leg or arm. We might even break our necks!”

Roald Dahl Quote: “But it’ll cost the earth!”

276. “But it’ll cost the earth!”

Roald Dahl Quote: “There’s three of them in nightshirts! Two old women and one.”

277. “There’s three of them in nightshirts! Two old women and one.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “My dear boy,’ Mr Wonka answered, ‘if we don’t come down at a terrific speed, we’ll never burst our way back in through the roof of the factory. It’s not easy to punch a hole in a roof as strong as that.’ ‘But there’s a hole in it already,’ said Charlie. ‘We made it when we came out.’ ‘Then we shall make another,’ said Mr Wonka. ‘Two holes are better than one. Any mouse will tell you that.”

278. “My dear boy,’ Mr Wonka answered, ‘if we don’t come down at a terrific speed, we’ll never burst our way back in through the roof of the factory. It’s not easy to punch a hole in a roof as strong as that.’ ‘But there’s a hole in it already,’ said Charlie. ‘We made it when we came out.’ ‘Then we shall make another,’ said Mr Wonka. ‘Two holes are better than one. Any mouse will tell you that.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Is it ever occurring to you that a human bean who is fifty is spending about twenty years sleeping fast?”

279. “Is it ever occurring to you that a human bean who is fifty is spending about twenty years sleeping fast?”

Roald Dahl Quote: “The President sucked in his breath sharply. He also sucked in a big fly that happened to be passing at the time. He choked.”

280. “The President sucked in his breath sharply. He also sucked in a big fly that happened to be passing at the time. He choked.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “And on the pillow of the bed lay the head.”

281. “And on the pillow of the bed lay the head.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Charlie stood at the open door of the Elevator and stared into the swirling vapors. This, he thought, is what hell must be like. Hell without heat. There was something unholy about it all, something unbelievably diabolical. It was all so deathly quiet, so desolate and empty.”

282. “Charlie stood at the open door of the Elevator and stared into the swirling vapors. This, he thought, is what hell must be like. Hell without heat. There was something unholy about it all, something unbelievably diabolical. It was all so deathly quiet, so desolate and empty.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Ughhhhhhhh!’ he said. ‘Arghhhhhhhh! Ouchhhhhhhh!”

283. “Ughhhhhhhh!’ he said. ‘Arghhhhhhhh! Ouchhhhhhhh!”

Roald Dahl Quote: “This is test number one hundred and thirty-two!’ I said, chalking it up on the board. “I handed him the pill. He looked at it nervously. I couldn’t blame him for being a bit jittery after what had happened to the other one hundred and thirty-one volunteers.”

284. “This is test number one hundred and thirty-two!’ I said, chalking it up on the board. “I handed him the pill. He looked at it nervously. I couldn’t blame him for being a bit jittery after what had happened to the other one hundred and thirty-one volunteers.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “It was pleasant to take a hot drink up to her room and have it beside her as she sat in her silent room reading in the empty house in the afternoons. The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. She went on olden-day sailing ships with Joseph Conrad. She went to Africa with Ernest Hemingway and to India with Rudyard Kipling. She travelled all over the world while sitting in her little room in an English village.”

285. “It was pleasant to take a hot drink up to her room and have it beside her as she sat in her silent room reading in the empty house in the afternoons. The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. She went on olden-day sailing ships with Joseph Conrad. She went to Africa with Ernest Hemingway and to India with Rudyard Kipling. She travelled all over the world while sitting in her little room in an English village.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “He resembled, to an extraordinary degree, an asparagus.”

286. “He resembled, to an extraordinary degree, an asparagus.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “The act of copulation is like that of picking the nose. It’s all right to be doing it yourself but it is a singularly unattractive spectacle for the onlooker.”

287. “The act of copulation is like that of picking the nose. It’s all right to be doing it yourself but it is a singularly unattractive spectacle for the onlooker.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “What if they come after us?’ said Mr Bucket, speaking for the first time.”

288. “What if they come after us?’ said Mr Bucket, speaking for the first time.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “What sort of a book would you like to read next?” she asked.”

289. “What sort of a book would you like to read next?” she asked.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “What if they come after us?” said Mr. Bucket, speaking for the first time. “What if they capture us?” said Mrs. Bucket. “What if they shoot us?” said Grandma Georgina. “What if my beard were made of green spinach?” cried Mr. Wonka. “Bunkum and tummyrot! You’ll never get anywhere if you go about what-iffing like that. Would Columbus have discovered America if he’d said ‘What if I sink on the way over? What if I meet pirates? What if I never come back?’ He wouldn’t even have started!”

290. “What if they come after us?” said Mr. Bucket, speaking for the first time. “What if they capture us?” said Mrs. Bucket. “What if they shoot us?” said Grandma Georgina. “What if my beard were made of green spinach?” cried Mr. Wonka. “Bunkum and tummyrot! You’ll never get anywhere if you go about what-iffing like that. Would Columbus have discovered America if he’d said ‘What if I sink on the way over? What if I meet pirates? What if I never come back?’ He wouldn’t even have started!”

Roald Dahl Quote: “I usually carried with me six loaded plates, which allowed me only six exposures, so that clicking the shutter even once was a serious business that had to be carefully thought out beforehand.”

291. “I usually carried with me six loaded plates, which allowed me only six exposures, so that clicking the shutter even once was a serious business that had to be carefully thought out beforehand.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “What’s happened?” screamed Mrs. Twit. They stood in the middle of the room, looking up. All the furniture, the big table, the chairs, the sofa, the lamps, the little side tables, the cabinet with bottles of beer in it, the ornaments, the electric heater, the carpet, everything was stuck upside down to the ceiling. The pictures were upside down on the walls. And the floor they were standing on was absolutely bare. What’s more, it had been painted white to look like the ceiling.”

292. “What’s happened?” screamed Mrs. Twit. They stood in the middle of the room, looking up. All the furniture, the big table, the chairs, the sofa, the lamps, the little side tables, the cabinet with bottles of beer in it, the ornaments, the electric heater, the carpet, everything was stuck upside down to the ceiling. The pictures were upside down on the walls. And the floor they were standing on was absolutely bare. What’s more, it had been painted white to look like the ceiling.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “When you’re writing a book with people in it as opposed to animals, it is no good having people who are ordinary, because they are not going to interested your readers at all.”

293. “When you’re writing a book with people in it as opposed to animals, it is no good having people who are ordinary, because they are not going to interested your readers at all.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “Tell me immediately who those people are in that glass capsule!’ ‘Ah-ha,’ said the Chief Spy, twirling his false moustache.”

294. “Tell me immediately who those people are in that glass capsule!’ ‘Ah-ha,’ said the Chief Spy, twirling his false moustache.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “I signaled the bus-driver and he stopped the bus for me right outside the cottage, and I flew down the steps of the bus straight into the arms of the waiting mother.”

295. “I signaled the bus-driver and he stopped the bus for me right outside the cottage, and I flew down the steps of the bus straight into the arms of the waiting mother.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “I don’t want a grown-up person at all. A grown-up won’t listen to me; he won’t learn.”

296. “I don’t want a grown-up person at all. A grown-up won’t listen to me; he won’t learn.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “She resented being told constantly that she was stupid, when she knew she wasn’t.”

297. “She resented being told constantly that she was stupid, when she knew she wasn’t.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “They also talked about themselves, each one saying how beautiful she thought she was. Aunt Sponge had a long-handled mirror on her lap, and she kept picking it up and gazing at her own hideous face.”

298. “They also talked about themselves, each one saying how beautiful she thought she was. Aunt Sponge had a long-handled mirror on her lap, and she kept picking it up and gazing at her own hideous face.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “I’m afraid men are not always quite as clever as they think they are.”

299. “I’m afraid men are not always quite as clever as they think they are.”

Roald Dahl Quote: “I always thought that a veruca was a sort of wart that you got on the sole of your foot!”

300. “I always thought that a veruca was a sort of wart that you got on the sole of your foot!”

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