Top 280 Robin Williams Quotes (2024 Update)
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201. “You’re still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude.”

— Robin Williams

202. “I couldn’t imagine living the way I used to live. Now people come up to me from the drug days and go, ‘Hi, remember me?’ And I’m going, ‘No, did I have sex with you? Did I take a dump in your tool box?’”

— Robin Williams

203. “I was a serious method actor until I visited this site.”

— Robin Williams

204. “I’m a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.”

— Robin Williams

205. “I like my wine like my women – ready to pass out.”

— Robin Williams

206. “And some people say Jesus wasn’t Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father’s business, his mom thought he was God’s gift, he’s Jewish! Give it up!”

— Robin Williams

207. “The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.”

— Robin Williams

208. “I don’t do well with snakes and I can’t dance.”

— Robin Williams

209. “When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I’m in.”

— Robin Williams

210. “Okra is the closest thing to nylon I’ve ever eaten. It’s like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.”

— Robin Williams

211. “Just now when I said, “I have a crush on you,” you didn’t say, “no way loser”. I’d rather have a lobotomy by a leper. That means something.”

— Robin Williams

212. “It’s frightening and exhilarating. It’s like combat. Look at the metaphors: You kill when it works; you die when it doesn’t.”

— Robin Williams

213. “Crying never helped anybody do anything, okay? You have a problem you face it like a man.”

— Robin Williams

214. “How much more can you give? Other than, literally, open-heart surgery onstage? Not much. But the only cure you have right now is the honesty of going, this is who you are. I know who I am.”

— Robin Williams

215. “Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, ‘Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding.’”

— Robin Williams

216. “Women are incredibly intuitive. If anybody on the planet is going to evolve to the next level, that telekinetic thing, women will.”

— Robin Williams

217. “If you want to die, don’t make a mistake and not quite kill yourself because the medical bills in America are hideous.”

— Robin Williams

218. “We have a president for whom English is a second language. He’s like ‘We have to get rid of dictators,’ but he’s pretty much one himself.”

— Robin Williams

219. “You can fool some of the people some of the time and the rest you can jerk off.”

— Robin Williams

220. “It’s always great when you want scientific fact to get a really good science fiction writer to talk to you about it.”

— Robin Williams

221. “I play a lot of computer games. I love computer graphics. I’ve had Pixar in me for a long time.”

— Robin Williams

222. “It never fails – you get in the bath and there’s a rub at the lamp.”

— Robin Williams

223. “It was kind of a decompression – from straight alcohol to mixed drinks to wine to spritzers – and then you’re out.”

— Robin Williams

224. “My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings.”

— Robin Williams

225. “I met Jonah Lomu. I never knew how huge he was. I felt like a peasant in a Godzilla movie. ‘Quickly! Tell the other villagers! We go now!’”

— Robin Williams

226. “On stage you’re free. You can say and do things that if you said and did any place else, you’d be arrested.”

— Robin Williams

227. “What is this demilitarized zone? Whatever it is, I like it! Gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of cappuccino.”

— Robin Williams

228. “My mother’s idea of natural childbirth was giving birth without makeup. She was hyper-positive – the world is a wonderful place, rainbows and unicorns. If you said anything contrary to her, you were basically exiled.”

— Robin Williams

229. “I love being backstage, or doing littler things like Blame Canada.”

— Robin Williams

230. “Politics is so personal, vicious and immediate, how are you going to get anything done? Even the local politics where I live have gotten so ugly.”

— Robin Williams

231. “2020. There’ll be cold fusion. We’ll actually be able to power our cars with our own feces. That’s right. The emissions problem will be a little intense, but just light a match.”

— Robin Williams

232. “Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public.”

— Robin Williams

233. “The idea of having a steady job is appealing.”

— Robin Williams

234. “That’s the formaldehyde. That’s why Granny’s so well-preserved.”

— Robin Williams

235. “I used food to make myself feel better, but I felt worse when I ate.”

— Robin Williams

236. “It’s the same sex all the time.”

— Robin Williams

237. “Acting is different from stand-up. It gives you this ability to enter into another character, to create another person.”

— Robin Williams

238. “Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer – you can do it, just not as well as the others, really.”

— Robin Williams

239. “My favorite is when you go to Afghanistan and you meet the special forces guys, and they look like these heavily armed surfers. These guys are the best. You see guys dressed as full Afghans, but then wearing a Yankees hat.”

— Robin Williams

240. “I feel like I’m a big human snot.”

— Robin Williams

241. “Do you get the feeling with Sarah Palin, in high school, she was voted least likely to write a book and most likely to burn one?”

— Robin Williams

242. “The Chinese had accused the Tibetans of being terrorists, which is weird. A Tibetan terrorist is like an Amish hacker. It just doesn’t fit.”

— Robin Williams

243. “Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.”

— Robin Williams

244. “Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.”

— Robin Williams

245. “His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.”

— Robin Williams

246. “My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes.”

— Robin Williams

247. “My comedy is like emotional hang-gliding.”

— Robin Williams

248. “Shooting in New York is the shiznit, if I may be so bold. It was great. New York is a character. People who live here know that.”

— Robin Williams

249. “Incoming is not the thing you want to hear at Christmas.”

— Robin Williams

250. “Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio’s father was a carpenter too. That’s the old joke.”

— Robin Williams