Top 120 Roseanne Barr Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “Hollywood is the only place on earth that has more vampires, more undead, more resurrections than a month of Easter Sundays.”

— Roseanne Barr

52. “As long as your abuser has you scared, you will stay in the cycle of abuse. Thinking of solutions helps you to escape.”

— Roseanne Barr

53. “Impeach the President and the Vice President, they are traitors to America, and so are all of their supporters. Impeach! Anyone in congress who refuses to save our union from these traitors by doing nothing needs to be recalled.”

— Roseanne Barr

54. “Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians.”

— Roseanne Barr

55. “I didn’t know that being in a relationship meant you had to be nice. I thought it meant you had to hack away at the other person until they were beaten down and then were too afraid to leave.”

— Roseanne Barr

56. “I remember performing on a punk stage with no mic in the middle of a mosh pit. My act was called “How to Be a Domestic Goddess.””

— Roseanne Barr

57. “My dad taught me swears when I was a toddler, and I saw, at a really early age, that if I shocked people, I would get approval, and it made my arms itch with glee. I got addicted to it. It became this source of power in a totally powerless life.”

— Roseanne Barr

58. “I’ve never done anything for money, and that is why I got money. When you do stuff for money, you never get money.”

— Roseanne Barr

59. “Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house.”

— Roseanne Barr

60. “Comedy is the only hope for humanity.”

— Roseanne Barr

61. “Once you get away from wanting to get paid, you can actually say some true things.”

— Roseanne Barr

62. “Illiteracy is a huge problem in America. One in three adults in our country is illiterate.”

— Roseanne Barr

63. “Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging emotional nature...”

— Roseanne Barr

64. “You know what, when I was thin, I thought there was a fat girl trying to get out of me.”

— Roseanne Barr

65. “I simply care nothing for any of your religions, as all three are fundamentally flawed, unlike the Church of Common Sense, right from the start! They call God he instead of she and all three would like to burn me at the stake for saying that!”

— Roseanne Barr

66. “I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.”

— Roseanne Barr

67. “A lot of people who are actors and artists who work in Hollywood come from a background of abuse, and you can make abused people very fearful and they’ll do what they’re told. Hollywood definitely has a point of view that it sells.”

— Roseanne Barr

68. “I want to be the girl in Indiana Jones. I would love to do an adventure movie where I was saving the world. It might be cool if I used a lot of kitchen tools to fight off the enemy.”

— Roseanne Barr

69. “The basic thing is, people want to get paid, so they’ll say the things that get them paid, in entertainment or politics.”

— Roseanne Barr

70. “I can’t have cats around me because they try to steal my energy.”

— Roseanne Barr

71. “No government in the Middle East is innocent. Wars make the stock market go up, so no one in America is innocent either, nor anyone anywhere where capitalism reigns.”

— Roseanne Barr

72. “Everything that’s written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don’t think there’s anything I can do to stop it.”

— Roseanne Barr

73. “TV is a language all its own, a land of one dimensional stereotypes that destroys culture, not adds to it. TV is anti-art, a reflection of consumerism that serves the power structure. TV is about demographics.”

— Roseanne Barr

74. “I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out.”

— Roseanne Barr

75. “US needs to fix up it’s election system so that votes are fairly counted, and the Electoral College is removed.”

— Roseanne Barr

76. “It’s the Night of the Living Dead. It’s scary out here.”

— Roseanne Barr

77. “My husband and I didn’t sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.”

— Roseanne Barr

78. “Eating cookies that you bake with your grandmother is one of the greatest social steps one must experience in order to grow up into a decent world citizen, in my opinion.”

— Roseanne Barr

79. “Pot enables you to think clearly without any fear or any limits. It’s a mind-expander, which is part of why it’s illegal and why drugs like Vicodin are legal.”

— Roseanne Barr

80. “Somewhere within the concept of justice, the worst of the guilty must always be removed. I cannot divorce this, not completely. The people must have justice and so I want to reinstate and enshrine the blessed and holy guillotine!”

— Roseanne Barr

81. “Suddenly, people had three phone numbers but never answered their phones.”

— Roseanne Barr

82. “Any Hamas or Zionist type who tries to interfere with the labor unions and grab the money will be marched to the guillotines and subsequently beheaded. And isn’t that easier and more productive than some endless, bloody conflict? So sayeth the gospel of common sense. Happy Mother’s Day.”

— Roseanne Barr

83. “The only options open for girls then were of course mother, secretary or teacher. At least that’s what we all thought and were preparing ourselves for. Now, I must say how lucky we are, as women, to live in an age where ‘Dental Hygienist’ has been added to the list.”

— Roseanne Barr

84. “I’m funnier now because I’m braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before.”

— Roseanne Barr

85. “I’m a farmer now, and it’s fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There’s something about earning your dinner that’s cool.”

— Roseanne Barr

86. “I have great parents, and they both taught me great things, but my formative years were boundaryless.”

— Roseanne Barr

87. “You can really learn from Donahue. I didn’t know you could be a woman in a man’s body. You go out and you can’t parallel park.”

— Roseanne Barr

88. “Truth is available to the ears that can hear it.”

— Roseanne Barr

89. “I think I’m hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar – isn’t that weird?”

— Roseanne Barr

90. “There’s nothing like a hardship song to set my toes a-tappin.”

— Roseanne Barr

91. “Most of the books call Her a He, but I am able to ascertain what is meant, despite that semantic error...”

— Roseanne Barr

92. “ACORN is organizing to make sure the job of rebuilding New Orleans is done by the people of New Orleans and truly benefits the communities who have been hurt the most.”

— Roseanne Barr

93. “Without democracy in our homes, we will never have it in the world.”

— Roseanne Barr

94. “Imitation is the sincerest form of show business.”

— Roseanne Barr

95. “I try to do women’s-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, ‘This is what I think; there’s the truth.’ I try to think of stuff that’s real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.”

— Roseanne Barr

96. “I loved work and I loved pouring myself into the work, you know. It was the real life that I had trouble with.”

— Roseanne Barr

97. “My family were hitters. If you made them laugh, they didn’t hit you. My dad wouldn’t hit me if I got him with humor right between the eyes.”

— Roseanne Barr

98. “We never get sick of each other. That’s how sick we are.”

— Roseanne Barr

99. “My husband is almost as heavy as I am. We were married in adjoining churches.”

— Roseanne Barr

100. “And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny.”

— Roseanne Barr