Top 120 Roseanne Barr Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “The only options open for girls then were of course mother, secretary or teacher. At least that’s what we all thought and were preparing ourselves for. Now, I must say how lucky we are, as women, to live in an age where ‘Dental Hygienist’ has been added to the list.”

— Roseanne Barr

102. “Meditation state is a place of deep relaxation where you can pinpoint the things you do and to set a paradigm switch from effect to cause. So how to be a cause in your own life.”

— Roseanne Barr

103. “I have great parents, and they both taught me great things, but my formative years were boundaryless.”

— Roseanne Barr

104. “Honestly, a lot of the human etiquette I learned in life I learned from, like, thank-you notes and dating Jimmy Kimmel.”

— Roseanne Barr

105. “I avoided reality for most of my life. But once you deal with it, it’s kind of cool.”

— Roseanne Barr

106. “In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.”

— Roseanne Barr

107. “I don’t really want to hang out with politicians. I’d rather go straight to hell, and not collect $200.”

— Roseanne Barr

108. “A lot of people in television who’ve had successful shows claim the ‘Roseanne’ show as their starting place, and I’m really proud of that.”

— Roseanne Barr

109. “I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That’s what we’re supposed to do. But I not only ask the questions, I offer solutions.”

— Roseanne Barr

110. “In the new world every position of power evacuated by an arrested and beheaded pedophile or bankster will be filled with a grandmother who has pledged to create heaven on earth for all children, animal and humans with the stolen money we have recovered.”

— Roseanne Barr

111. “Being nuts is its own reward.”

— Roseanne Barr

112. “When I was little, that was one thing that I was told in a vision: I was going to have my own show when I grew up. And it’s going to be funny.”

— Roseanne Barr

113. “My kids were completely out of control, while I was working fifteen hours a day plus weekends. I screamed a lot, something I’m not particularly proud of, but it was that or firearms.”

— Roseanne Barr

114. “I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny.”

— Roseanne Barr

115. “I never consciously set out to talk about taboos or anything like that.”

— Roseanne Barr

116. “My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.”

— Roseanne Barr

117. “I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.”

— Roseanne Barr

118. “I’m just into spirituality. I believe that in a previous life I used to be Shirley MacLaine.”

— Roseanne Barr

119. “It’s not really the job of a public servant to inspire, but to get the job that the people demand done. The Democrats think that if they have hope and are inspired, things will get better, but they actually won’t.”

— Roseanne Barr

120. “Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil.”

— Roseanne Barr

121. “Given enough time, and no other options, I can adjust to just about anything.”

— Roseanne Barr

122. “There isn’t any New Man. The New Man is the old man, only he whines more.”

— Roseanne Barr

123. “You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there.”

— Roseanne Barr

124. “Adults in a free country should be able to smoke a joint if they want to.”

— Roseanne Barr

125. “Eat as much as you’d like. My philosophy has always been that all women desire to be as fat as myself but just have a great fear of doing so. Because they think they won’t get any men, but you will. You’ll get more men, and better men.”

— Roseanne Barr

126. “I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.”

— Roseanne Barr

127. “Everything on this earth right now is about labor and slavery. War is the only American export left that anyone wants to buy.”

— Roseanne Barr

128. “I’m so much more famous than I am financially successful.”

— Roseanne Barr

129. “I’m a heterosexual. I don’t know why I’m like this. I was just born this way.”

— Roseanne Barr

130. “Being hated and hunted and blamed for your own suffering makes people kind of testy, nervous, and on edge, and often fundamentalist and extreme. Bombs get thrown only when people cannot honestly talk together.”

— Roseanne Barr

131. “I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them.”

— Roseanne Barr

132. “Both the Democratic and Republican parties are bought and paid for by corporate America and cater to the needs of the highest bidder as opposed to the people they claim to represent. I cannot be bought.”

— Roseanne Barr