Top 90 Shefali Tsabary Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Once you accept your children’s basic nature, you can contour your style to meet their temperament. To do so means letting go of your fantasies of yourself as a certain kind of parent and instead evolving into the parent you need to be for the particular child in front of you.”

— Shefali Tsabary

2. “Viewing parenthood as a process of spiritual metamorphosis allows us to create the psychic space to invite the lessons of this journey in. As a parent, to the degree you are able to recognize that your children are in your life to foster a renewed sense of who you are, you will discover their potential to lead you to the discovery of your own true being. In.”

— Shefali Tsabary

3. “Unless at some point in our life we become conscious of the emotional energy we have absorbed from our parents, we will inevitably transfer this imprint to our own children.”

— Shefali Tsabary

4. “Do you see me?” This is the big question your child is asking every day. “Can you recognize me for who I am, different from your dreams and expectations for me, separate from your agenda for me?”

— Shefali Tsabary

5. “It is what it is.” This means we parent our children as our children are, not as we might wish them to be.”

— Shefali Tsabary

6. “Without our realizing, we so often endorse our children for their actions, rather than for just being. Celebrating our children’s being means allowing them to exist without the snares of our expectations. It’s to revel in their existence without them having to do a single thing, prove anything, or accomplish any kind of goal.”

— Shefali Tsabary

7. “When a child has to constantly check with their parents to see if it’s okay to feel a certain way, they have lost touch with their own center of gravity.”

— Shefali Tsabary

8. “Often it’s the adjustment of our expectations, rather than reality itself, that’s the hurdle we have to leap. When.”

— Shefali Tsabary

9. “In other words, while you may believe your most important challenge is to raise your children well, there’s an even more essential task you need to attend to, which is the foundation of effective parenting. This task is to raise yourself into the most awakened and present individual you can be. The reason this is central to good parenting is that children don’t need our ideas and expectations, or our dominance and control, only for us to be attuned to them with our engaged presence.”

— Shefali Tsabary

10. “Our children need to know that the quality of their inner life will manifest in their external circumstances.”

— Shefali Tsabary

11. “This is because authenticity automatically resonates with authenticity.”

— Shefali Tsabary

12. “The more we hone this ability to meet life in a neutral state, without attributing “goodness” or “badness” to what we are encountering, but simply accepting its as-is-ness, the less our need to interpret every dynamic as if it were about us. Our children can then have their tantrums without triggering us, and we can correct their behavior without dumping on them our own residual resentment, guilt, fear, or distrust.”

— Shefali Tsabary

13. “Because as parents we desperately want our children’s behavior to be “fixed” right now, without having to go through the difficult process of having to change ourselves first, it needs to be emphasized that the conscious approach to parenting won’t change a family overnight.”

— Shefali Tsabary

14. “What is my parenting mission, my parenting philosophy? How do I manifest this in my everyday interaction with my child? Have I mapped out a thoughtful, mindful mission, as I would were I running a major organization?”

— Shefali Tsabary

15. “The issue is that we have to start where the child is, not with where we believe the child ought to be.”

— Shefali Tsabary

16. “Not only do we inherit certain egoic scripts and roles from our family of origin, we also inherit an emotional signature.”

— Shefali Tsabary

17. “Life doesn’t happen to us, but happens with us.”

— Shefali Tsabary

18. “You would need to ask yourself, “Do I really know who my child is? Can I create the space within myself to know my child each new day, one day to the next?” To do this would require becoming silent in your children’s presence, freeing yourself of all distractions, and attuning yourself to them in a state of curiosity and delight.”

— Shefali Tsabary

19. “Disconnection doesn’t occur when there’s dissent, but when there’s intolerance of each other’s differences.”

— Shefali Tsabary

20. “So many parents are puzzled when their children seclude themselves in their room and refuse to leave their sanctuary. They wonder, “Why don’t my children want to talk to me when I’m so open and willing to discuss things?” The reason our children turn away from us is that they sense that our desire to talk is all about us – our need to manage our anxiety and exert control.”

— Shefali Tsabary

21. “When we teach our children that their success in life is dependent on their performance, childhood becomes geared toward the future instead of being experienced simply as childhood. Children learn that who they are, as they are, isn’t enough in the adult world.”

— Shefali Tsabary

22. “With the myth that the relationship between parent and child should be unidirectional shattered, the circular potential of this journey comes into view, as we discover that our children contribute to our growth in ways that are perhaps more profound than we can ever contribute to theirs.”

— Shefali Tsabary

23. “To shift to a more effective way of relating to our children, we must be willing to face and resolve issues in ourselves that stem from the way we were parented.”

— Shefali Tsabary

24. “Instead of taking our children’s behavior personally, it’s helpful to understand that our children aren’t thinking of us when they are acting out, only of themselves!”

— Shefali Tsabary

25. “Once we have detached from our expectations of how another person “should” behave and we encounter them as they really are, the acceptance we inevitably demonstrate toward them naturally induces connection. This is because authenticity automatically resonates with authenticity.”

— Shefali Tsabary

26. “Our children didn’t come into the world to be our puppets. They came here to struggle, fumble, thrive, and enjoy – a journey for which they need our encouragement.”

— Shefali Tsabary

27. “Children learn who they are and what they really enjoy if they are allowed to sit with themselves. Inundated with activity and subjected to lesson upon lesson, how can they hope to recognize their authentic voice amid the din of all this “doing?”

— Shefali Tsabary

28. “If you want to enter into a state of pure connection with your child, you can achieve this by setting aside any sense of superiority. By not hiding behind an egoic image, you will be able to engage your.”

— Shefali Tsabary

29. “Whether you have an infant or a teen, your children need to feel that just because they exist, they delight you. They need to know they don’t have to do anything to earn your undivided attention. They deserve to feel as if just by being born, they have earned the right to be adored. Children.”

— Shefali Tsabary

30. “This task is to raise yourself into the most awakened and present individual you can be. The reason this is central to good parenting is that children don’t need our ideas and expectations, or our dominance and control, only for us to be attuned to them with our engaged presence. H.”

— Shefali Tsabary

31. “Life happens, pure and simple. No matter how we try to manage it, it has a force beyond logic or coherence. When we swim in the ocean, we allow the water to move our body. We don’t protest, “How dare this wave be so high? It should be low.” We accept that we have no dominion over the ocean.”

— Shefali Tsabary

32. “As a parent, to the degree you are able to recognize that your children are in your life to foster a renewed sense of who you are, you will discover their potential to lead you to the discovery of your own true being.”

— Shefali Tsabary

33. “Because children are essentially good, when we see a child hit, it ought to evoke in us an empathic response such as, “What pain they must be in to feel the need to hit.”

— Shefali Tsabary

34. “We cannot control our children. We can only create the conditions for them to rise. What this means is that we need to stop expending our energy on trying to control who they are and how they turn out in the future. The real challenge is to keep our eyes on the parameters that are truly under our control – ourselves, and the way the home functions.”

— Shefali Tsabary

35. “To move away from all illusion that our children are maliciously intent on triggering us is an important step on the path of awakening. When we dare to let go of the mainstream idea that they push our buttons on purpose, we awaken to the true extent of our own immaturity. Without having them to blame on any level, we are now forced to confront our inner lack and discover the reasons why it exists.”

— Shefali Tsabary

36. “When our children are just being themselves, they are unconcerned about the things we parents so often obsess over. How things look to other people, achievement, getting ahead – none of these issues that preoccupy adults are a child’s agenda. Instead of engaging the world in an anxious mental state, children tend to plunge head first into the experience of life, willing to risk all. The.”

— Shefali Tsabary

37. “There’s no question in my mind but that the disciplinary approach societies the world over have followed from time immemorial is a significant reason our world is such an unsafe and largely insane planet.”

— Shefali Tsabary

38. “When reality doesn’t go according to our expectations, instead of reacting, we tell ourselves, “Surrender, let go, detach, examine the expectation.” Our thoughts and emotions are a reflection of our inner state and require observation, not reaction. We forge a connection with our inner being on a moment-by-moment basis. Unafraid to sit in our solitude, we invoke inner stillness. This enables us to pause before we interpret something and react to our interpretation.”

— Shefali Tsabary

39. “I pledge to: No longer look for an experience to be other than what it is. Not need an experience to make me happy but instead to make me grow. Not look to what I didn’t receive but instead to introspect on what I chose to give. Stop interpreting experiences based on outcome but instead interpret them based on process. Resist judging life or myself for not being perfect and instead to embrace the wholeness of the imperfections.”

— Shefali Tsabary

40. “Only when we are responsive to the moment instead of driven by our agenda can we meet our children where they need to be met. When we connect effectively, there’s no drama. We deal with issues for what they are. This maintains the connection that’s the foundation of a child’s healthy development.”

— Shefali Tsabary

41. “All we need to do is model. When our children realize we are perfectly okay with our okayness, it encourages a feeling of competence within them. By delighting in our follies, we teach our children not to take themselves too seriously. By being willing to make a fool of ourselves as we try new things, we teach them to explore life with little care for how they “look” or perform. I.”

— Shefali Tsabary

42. “To give your children the total acceptance they deserve will expose you to the diamond of the spiritual tradition: the chance to lose your ego.”

— Shefali Tsabary

43. “Life isn’t inherently good or bad, but like the waves of the ocean just is. The only way to live life is to enter into its as-is-ness. If we are able to sit with the as-is-ness, then our anxiety will wash over us. It’s when we react that we turn it into a tsunami.”

— Shefali Tsabary

44. “We don’t live a life, we live a pattern.”

— Shefali Tsabary

45. “Our unworthiness is often heavily disguised. So much so that we often mistake it for virtuosity. This is how clever culture is. It cloaks its messages of unworthiness as virtue. For women, it’s always connected to how self-sacrificing we are, and how well we keep others happy. If we are unable to keep them happy then we feel like failures, and therefore are unworthy.”

— Shefali Tsabary

46. “When we allow toxicity to exist for the sake of peace, we are actually perpetuating war. There is no real peace where there is no authenticity. Lasting peace only emerges from an honest acceptance of oneself and one’s life experiences.”

— Shefali Tsabary

47. “The problem is that in our great desire to see our children do well, we interact with them through the lens of fear that they might fail – a fear that our children absorb.”

— Shefali Tsabary

48. “Authentic giving originates from a well that overflows.”

— Shefali Tsabary

49. “Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs. Instead.”

— Shefali Tsabary

50. “To be in a state of consciousness means we approach reality with the realization that life just is. We make a conscious choice to flow with the current, without any desire to control it or need for it to be any different from what it is. We chant the mantra, “It is what it is.”

— Shefali Tsabary