Top 200 Tina Fey Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “Only in comedy, by the way, does an obedient white girl from the suburbs count as diversity.”

— Tina Fey

102. “Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children’s medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.”

— Tina Fey

103. “If everyone had a dad like mine, no one would have sex tapes.”

— Tina Fey

104. “You don’t just decide to destroy a person by making up stuff, and no one at ‘SNL’ is writing to go after someone.”

— Tina Fey

105. “In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.”

— Tina Fey

106. “The rules of improvisation appealed to me not only as a way of creating comedy, but as a worldview. Studying improvisation literally changed my life. It set me on a career path toward Saturday Night Live. It changed the way I look at the world, and it’s where I met my husband. What has your cult done for you lately?”

— Tina Fey

107. “When a man plays a woman in a dress, you’re halfway there. It’s inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it’s not that instant kind of funny.”

— Tina Fey

108. “If a bout of “creepy face” sets in, the trick is to look away from the camera between shots and turn back only when necessary. This also limits how much of your soul the camera can steal.”

— Tina Fey

109. “Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable. For sketch writers, remember they’re called sketches for a reason. They’re not called oil paintings. Some of them are going to stink. You have to let them stink.”

— Tina Fey

110. “I really like John McCain. He’s an awesome dude and was a lot of fun when he hosted “SNL.” I’d love to see a McCain-Giuliani “rage” ticket.”

— Tina Fey

111. “I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing.”

— Tina Fey

112. “At the upcoming Grammy Awards, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will perform together as the first time, as man and wife. Hopefully music.”

— Tina Fey

113. “Mary Tyler Moore was a working woman whose story lines were not always about dating and men. They were about work friendships and relationships, which is what I feel my adult life has mostly been about.”

— Tina Fey

114. “To me YES, AND means don’t be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you’re adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.”

— Tina Fey

115. “I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did – Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.”

— Tina Fey

116. “Whenever you see me, I’m on antique quaaludes.”

— Tina Fey

117. “This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in 10,000 pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over 14,000 dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.”

— Tina Fey

118. “I find, the fancier the fashion magazine is, the worse the Photoshop. It’s as if they are already so disgusted that a human has to be in the clothes, they can’t stop erasing human features.”

— Tina Fey

119. “When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and I thought: “Hey, this isn’t the dress rehearsal, this is life and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to have!””

— Tina Fey

120. “In Afghanistan this week, outnumbered Northern Alliance rebels on horseback defeated Taliban forces armed with tanks. Experts say the victory is just like the story of David and Goliath and David’s friend, the Stealth Bomber.”

— Tina Fey

121. “The thing that always fascinated me about improv is that it’s basically a happy accident that you think you’re initiating.”

— Tina Fey

122. “It’s no more dangerous to society than a radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds.”

— Tina Fey

123. “When I started on ‘Saturday Night Live,’ I had the choice of wearing contact lenses, which I had never worn before, or glasses, in order to be able to read the cue cards.”

— Tina Fey

124. “If you’re an actor and you don’t get cast in stuff a lot, then put together a show or hold play-reading nights at your apartment. Make your own opportunities.”

— Tina Fey

125. “My problem with the traditional acting method was that I never understood what you were supposed to be thinking about when you’re onstage.”

— Tina Fey

126. “The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling.”

— Tina Fey

127. “There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.”

— Tina Fey

128. “A new study suggests that middle-aged adults who go on periodic drinking binges may face a heightened risk of dementia later on in life. The study is entitled, ‘National Strategy for Victory in Iraq.’”

— Tina Fey

129. “I had my hair in a ponytail and looked my trademark exhausted.”

— Tina Fey

130. “This worked out perfectly for me in college, because what nineteen-year-old Virginia boy doesn’t want a wide-hipped, sarcastic Greek girl with short hair that’s permed on top? What’s that you say? None of them want that? You are correct.”

— Tina Fey

131. “Not only is my wardrobe totally average, my body’s totally average. I love all the candy-fantasy fulfillment of Sex and the City.”

— Tina Fey

132. “Most of my work is done before we start shooting, preparation work, so my normal day begins when I start writing, it might even be the night before.”

— Tina Fey

133. “It was reported that the New York Knicks have won all 12 of the home games attended by magician David Blaine. A spokesman for the Knicks said, ‘if this is what it takes to win, it’s not worth it.’”

— Tina Fey

134. “This January, Kevin Costner will be honored by the Palm Springs International Film Festival for his contribution to film. This gives Costner just two months to make a contribution to film.”

— Tina Fey

135. “I have two daughters, and we live here in Manhattan, and having gone through the Manhattan kindergarten application process, nothing will ever rival the stress of that.”

— Tina Fey

136. “I really love cursing a lot. But as I get older, I realize it’s a little unseemly for women of a certain age.”

— Tina Fey

137. “I don’t enjoy any kind of danger or volatility. I don’t have that kind of ‘I love the bad guys’ thing. No, no thank you. I like nice people.”

— Tina Fey

138. “Perhaps you’re a parent and you bought this book to learn how to raise an achievement-oriented, drug-free adult virgin... The essential ingredients, I can tell you up front, are a strong father figure, bad skin, and a child-sized colonial-lady outfit.”

— Tina Fey

139. “One of the great things about doing animated movies is that you don’t have to dress up or put on make-up.”

— Tina Fey

140. “Do I think Photoshop is being used excessively? Yes. I saw Madonna’s Louis Vuitton ad and honestly, at first glance, I thought it was Gwen Stefani’s baby.”

— Tina Fey

141. “I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Really looking at yourself and going, ‘Yeah, I’m not cool enough for the West Village.’”

— Tina Fey

142. “Instead of trying to fit an impossible ideal, I took a personal inventory of all my healthy body parts for which I am grateful: Straight Greek eyebrows. They start at the hairline at my temple and, left unchecked, will grow straight across my face and onto yours.”

— Tina Fey

143. “Growing up as a girl is always traumatizing, especially when you have the deadly combination of greasy skin and getting your boobs at ten. But I think it’s good to grow up that way. It builds character.”

— Tina Fey

144. “I never get to go to movies, because I’m a mom.”

— Tina Fey

145. “You transition as a mother from literally just pulling a booger out of that person’s nose whenever you see one until at some point they assert: “No, I’m a person. You can’t fix my underpants on the subway.””

— Tina Fey

146. “No other formula gives your baby a better start in life except that stuff that comes out of you for free.”

— Tina Fey

147. “I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.”

— Tina Fey

148. “I went to the University of Virginia and I came from, I grew up in suburban Philadelphia.”

— Tina Fey

149. “I have to say, I’m really not that attractive. Until I met my husband, I could not get a date.”

— Tina Fey

150. “I had a gentleman in college tell me, during a date, that I could be really pretty if I lost some weight. On a date!”

— Tina Fey