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Hilarious Quotes

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Hilarious Quotes: “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” — Miles Kington

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

— Miles Kington



Hilarious Quotes: “Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe.” — Albert Einstein

Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe.

— Albert Einstein


Hilarious Quotes: “Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.” — Tina Fey

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.

— Tina Fey


Hilarious Quotes: “When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.” — Jane Wagner

When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.

— Jane Wagner


Hilarious Quotes: “Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov

Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

— Isaac Asimov


Hilarious Quotes: “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” — Steven Wright

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

— Steven Wright


Hilarious Quotes: “There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.” — Will Rogers

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

— Will Rogers


Hilarious Quotes: “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

— Bob Hope


Hilarious Quotes: “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Timothy Leary

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

— Timothy Leary


Hilarious Quotes: “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” — Mark Twain

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

— Mark Twain



Hilarious Quotes: “If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.” — Muhammad Ali

If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.

— Muhammad Ali


Hilarious Quotes: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” — Oscar Wilde

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

— Oscar Wilde


Hilarious Quotes: “On the other hand, you have different fingers.” — Steven Wright

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

— Steven Wright


Hilarious Quotes: “The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.” — Erma Bombeck

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

— Erma Bombeck


Hilarious Quotes: “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

— Steven Wright


Hilarious Quotes: “I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments.” — Jim Morrison

I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments.

— Jim Morrison


Hilarious Quotes: “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

— Charles Lamb


Hilarious Quotes: “The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.” — Will Rogers

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

— Will Rogers


Hilarious Quotes: “I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.” — Lord Byron

I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.

— Lord Byron


Hilarious Quotes: “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” — Gloria Steinem

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

— Gloria Steinem


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