Top 200 Tina Fey Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.”

— Tina Fey

52. “Never tell a crazy person he’s crazy.”

— Tina Fey

53. “It’s not vanity, because if you look weird, it will distract from what your trying to do. If you look as good as you can, people will be able to pay attention to what your actually saying.”

— Tina Fey

54. “When I first set out to ruin SNL, I didn’t think anyone would notice, but i persevered because like you trying to a do a nine- piece jigsaw puzzle, it was a labor of love.”

— Tina Fey

55. “Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying “like” all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.”

— Tina Fey

56. “A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I’m on my game.”

— Tina Fey

57. “Al Gore announced Tuesday that he plans to launch a 24-hour cable news network for young adults. Gore claims he’s been wanting to do this since he invented cable TV in the 1990s.”

— Tina Fey

58. “Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.”

— Tina Fey

59. “It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.”

— Tina Fey

60. “Am I just chasing it because it’s the hardest thing for me to get and I want to prove I can do it?”

— Tina Fey

61. “We writers dream of a future where actors are mostly computer generated and their performances can be adjusted, by us, on a laptop, alone.”

— Tina Fey

62. “Either way, everything will be fine.”

— Tina Fey

63. “I don’t like my feet. I’m not crazy about anybody’s feet. But I have flat feet.”

— Tina Fey

64. “Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantless when your baby walks around pantless.”

— Tina Fey

65. “If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.”

— Tina Fey

66. “Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.”

— Tina Fey

67. “In an interview, Paris Hilton said that of her and her sister, “People love to hate us. But when you know us, you love us. And if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea.””

— Tina Fey

68. “Saudi Arabian police arrested seven teenage boys for leering at women. In accordance with Saudi law, the boys will be whipped and the women will be stoned to death.”

— Tina Fey

69. “Thomas Jefferson – another gorgeous white boy who would not have been interested in me. This was my problem in a nutshell. To get some play in Charlottesville, you had to be either a Martha Jefferson or a Sally Hemings.”

— Tina Fey

70. “I love to play strippers and to imitate them. I love using that idea for comedy, but the idea of actually going there? I feel like we all need to be better than that. That industry needs to die, by all of us being a little bit better than that.”

— Tina Fey

71. “I’m not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.”

— Tina Fey

72. “I think people fetishize glasses in general. You could put glasses on a rotting pumpkin and people would think it was sexy.”

— Tina Fey

73. “Seriously, I’ve just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.”

— Tina Fey

74. “Either way, everything will be fine. But if you have an opinion, please feel free to offer it to me through the gap in the door of a public restroom. Everyone else does.”

— Tina Fey

75. “It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.”

— Tina Fey

76. “My husband doesn’t like to fly. He does fly now because he doesn’t want our daughter to grow up thinking he is a Don Knotts character. But when we were first married, he didn’t fly.”

— Tina Fey

77. “At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday. So instead I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment.”

— Tina Fey

78. “To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.”

— Tina Fey

79. “My parents are very well-behaved. If anything, if my Mom were here right now, she would hug and kiss every one of you hello, and then she would feed you.”

— Tina Fey

80. “I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it’s only because I struggle with math.”

— Tina Fey

81. “There are so many quiet times you spend as a mother that aren’t glorified but are a foundation for your kids. No matter what, there was always a thick safety net under this trapeze.”

— Tina Fey

82. “I still want Oprah to play my best friend. I want to spend time with Oprah.”

— Tina Fey

83. “It’s the same reason I don’t get Hooters. Why do we need to enjoy chicken wings and boobies at the same time? Yes, they are a natural and beautiful part of the human experience. And so are boobies. But why at the same time?”

— Tina Fey

84. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”

— Tina Fey

85. “The topic of working moms is a tap-dance recital in a minefield.”

— Tina Fey

86. “Lesson learned? When people say, “You really, really must” do something, it means you don’t really have to. No one ever says, “You really, really must deliver the baby during labor.” When it’s true, it doesn’t need to be said.”

— Tina Fey

87. “I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.”

— Tina Fey

88. “Then she took out a speculum the size of a milk shake machine. Even Michelle Duggar would have flinched at this thing, but I had never seen one before.”

— Tina Fey

89. “Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we’re like Oprah and Gale. Only we’re not denying anything.”

— Tina Fey

90. “The first time I went to see a Second City show, I was in awe of everything. I just wanted to touch the same stage that Gilda Radner had walked on. It was sacred ground.”

— Tina Fey

91. “Will Ferrell is a dangerous man. If he thinks you’re in his way in show business, he will crack your head open. He’s the Jeff Gillooly of comedy.”

— Tina Fey

92. “Ladies gotta say no to their husbands at the movies. They gotta say: “No, we are watching back-to-back cancer movies. And then this movie about a cat.””

— Tina Fey

93. “I got a fan letter on the back of a prison menu. And I remember thinking, ‘Well, they get pie. It’s not so bad. They get pie on the weekends.’ I want to say blueberry and also a Boston cream pie. Not so bad.”

— Tina Fey

94. “Sometimes if you have a difficult decisin to make, just stall until the answer presents itself.”

— Tina Fey

95. “You know who DOES have a funny bone in her body? Your Mom every night for a dollar!”

— Tina Fey

96. “This made no sense to me, probably because I speak English and have never had a head injury.”

— Tina Fey

97. “A wise friend once told me, ‘Don’t wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what they wear.’”

— Tina Fey

98. “The way down from Old Rag is a forest road. We found a stream in the woods and finally got a drink of water. We scooped it up with our hands and it was the greatest, most satisfying drink of water I ever had in my life.”

— Tina Fey

99. “I don’t really have a nemesis, but I have a series of hundreds of small enemies that fuel me. Everyone I meet I assume is out to get me and that fuels my fire on a daily basis.”

— Tina Fey

100. “So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.”

— Tina Fey