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Top 15 Walter Matthau Quotes (2025 Update)

Walter Matthau Quote: “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.”

1. “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.”

— Walter Matthau

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Walter Matthau Quote: “Why don’t you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.”

2. “Why don’t you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “There’s no such thing as ‘too late!’ That’s why they invented death!”

3. “There’s no such thing as ‘too late!’ That’s why they invented death!”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.”

4. “I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “I never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but if she’d lived, I think she would have been all right. She would have been President of the United States.”

5. “I never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but if she’d lived, I think she would have been all right. She would have been President of the United States.”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “I wanted to be a pharmacist. I liked the way our local pharmacist was always dressed in a nice white coat; he looked very calm, you’d give him money, and he’d give you something that you wanted to buy.”

6. “I wanted to be a pharmacist. I liked the way our local pharmacist was always dressed in a nice white coat; he looked very calm, you’d give him money, and he’d give you something that you wanted to buy.”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “I don’t mind my wife having to last word. In fact I’m delighted when she reaches it.”

7. “I don’t mind my wife having to last word. In fact I’m delighted when she reaches it.”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “You see, my father was a Catholic priest, Greek Orthodox, but I think he started out as a Jew, then he became a Catholic priest.”

8. “You see, my father was a Catholic priest, Greek Orthodox, but I think he started out as a Jew, then he became a Catholic priest.”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “We’re writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?”

9. “We’re writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “Get out of show business. Its the best advice I ever got, because Im so stubborn that if someone would tell me that, I would stay in it to the bitter end.”

10. “Get out of show business. Its the best advice I ever got, because Im so stubborn that if someone would tell me that, I would stay in it to the bitter end.”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “To be successful in show business, all you need are 50 good breaks.”

11. “To be successful in show business, all you need are 50 good breaks.”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty.”

12. “The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty.”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “My mother paid eight dollars a month for rent. When she had it. Mostly we were evicted, because she couldnt afford to pay the eight dollars a month.”

13. “My mother paid eight dollars a month for rent. When she had it. Mostly we were evicted, because she couldnt afford to pay the eight dollars a month.”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “It’s very easy to live here. You’re anonymous here. Nobody knows who you are.”

14. “It’s very easy to live here. You’re anonymous here. Nobody knows who you are.”

— Walter Matthau

Walter Matthau Quote: “I always had one ear offstage, listening for the call from the bookie.”

15. “I always had one ear offstage, listening for the call from the bookie.”

— Walter Matthau

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