Top 60 Wilson Mizner Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Be nice to people on your way up because you’ll meet them on your way down.”

— Wilson Mizner

Featured in: Quotes About People, Witty Quotes, Reputation Quotes

2. “The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.”

— Wilson Mizner

3. “The first hundred years are the hardest.”

— Wilson Mizner

4. “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.”

— Wilson Mizner

5. “Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.”

— Wilson Mizner

6. “I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.”

— Wilson Mizner

7. “If you count all your assets you always show a profit.”

— Wilson Mizner

8. “A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.”

— Wilson Mizner

9. “A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.”

— Wilson Mizner

10. “You’re a mouse studying to be a rat.”

— Wilson Mizner

11. “The most efficient water power in the world – women’s tears.”

— Wilson Mizner

12. “Don’t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.”

— Wilson Mizner

13. “Some of the greatest love affairs I’ve known have involved one actor-unassisted.”

— Wilson Mizner

14. “Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.”

— Wilson Mizner

15. “Easy street is a blind alley.”

— Wilson Mizner

16. “To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.”

— Wilson Mizner

17. “The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn’t been asleep.”

— Wilson Mizner

18. “The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.”

— Wilson Mizner

19. “Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.”

— Wilson Mizner

20. “I never saw a mob rush across town to do a good deed.”

— Wilson Mizner

21. “There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.”

— Wilson Mizner

22. “I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.”

— Wilson Mizner

23. “Florida was invented for Addison Mizner’s little brother.”

— Wilson Mizner

24. “I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, ‘Have you read – .’”

— Wilson Mizner

25. “God help those who do not help themselves.”

— Wilson Mizner

26. “I’ve had ample contact with lawyers, and I’m convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.”

— Wilson Mizner

27. “Anybody who can write home for money can write for magazines.”

— Wilson Mizner

28. “What feeling is so nice as a child’s hand in yours? So small, so soft and warm, like a kitten huddling in the shelter of your clasp.”

— Wilson Mizner

29. “He’s the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.”

— Wilson Mizner

30. “I’ve known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.”

— Wilson Mizner

31. “I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.”

— Wilson Mizner

32. “He’s a trellis for varicose veins.”

— Wilson Mizner

33. “The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.”

— Wilson Mizner

34. “Failure has gone to his head.”

— Wilson Mizner

35. “Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.”

— Wilson Mizner

36. “In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.”

— Wilson Mizner

37. “Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.”

— Wilson Mizner

38. “The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.”

— Wilson Mizner

39. “Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.”

— Wilson Mizner

40. “It’s getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.”

— Wilson Mizner

41. “There’s nothing so comfortable as a small bankroll. A big one is always in danger.”

— Wilson Mizner

42. “I’d rather know a square guy than own a square mile.”

— Wilson Mizner

43. “To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.”

— Wilson Mizner

44. “The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you’re in.”

— Wilson Mizner

45. “The day which we fear as our last is but the bday of eternity. – By SenecaThe first hundred years are the hardest.”

— Wilson Mizner

46. “Count 10 over him – he’ll get up.”

— Wilson Mizner

47. “The worst-tempered people I’ve ever met were people who knew they were wrong.”

— Wilson Mizner

48. “A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.”

— Wilson Mizner

49. “It is criminal negligence to leave suckers lying around to tempt honest men.”

— Wilson Mizner

50. “I’ve spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.”

— Wilson Mizner