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Top 200 Witty Quotes (2024 Update)

Witty Quotes: “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” — Mae West
Witty Quotes: “Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.” — Bill Gates
Witty Quotes: “I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “I am not young enough to know everything.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” — Terry Pratchett
Witty Quotes: “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” — Jane Austen
Witty Quotes: “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.” — Anonymous
Witty Quotes: “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “So much universe, and so little time.” — Terry Pratchett
Witty Quotes: “The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.” — William Shakespeare
Witty Quotes: “Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.” — Dale Carnegie
Witty Quotes: “Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don't quit when you're tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired.” — Robert Strauss
Witty Quotes: “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx
Witty Quotes: “There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.” — French Proverb
Witty Quotes: “If time travel is possible, where are the tourists from the future?” — Stephen Hawking
Witty Quotes: “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” — Marilyn Monroe
Witty Quotes: “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” — Charles Bukowski
Witty Quotes: “I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.” — Warren Buffett
Witty Quotes: “It’s weird not to be weird.” — John Lennon
Witty Quotes: “Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.” — Christopher Morley
Witty Quotes: “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “Democracy is all about not electing the wrong man-eating lizard.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa
Witty Quotes: “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “If book knowledge made great investors, then the librarians would all be rich.” — Warren Buffett
Witty Quotes: “I am too fond of reading books to care to write them.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “It's not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing it.” — Terry Pratchett
Witty Quotes: “The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Witty Quotes: “In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” — Douglas Adams
Witty Quotes: “When in doubt, choose to live.” — Terry Pratchett
Witty Quotes: “It’s not what you say, but how you say it!” — Mae West
Witty Quotes: “So, please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install, a lovely bookcase on the wall.” — Roald Dahl
Witty Quotes: “Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” — Winston Groom
Witty Quotes: “Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “And what would humans be without love? RARE, said Death.” — Terry Pratchett
Witty Quotes: “Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “It’s not your job to like me – it’s mine.” — Byron Katie
Witty Quotes: “Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.” — Oscar Wilde
Witty Quotes: “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” — Mark Twain
Witty Quotes: “Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.” — Oscar Wilde
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