Top 300 Alice Oseman Quotes (2025 Update)
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101. “School literally doesn’t care about you unless you’re good at writing stuff down or you’re good at memorising or you can solve bloody maths equations. What about the other important things in life?”

— Alice Oseman

102. “I’m tired, though. I’m so tired of defending myself.”

— Alice Oseman

103. “People move on quicker than I can comprehend. People forget you within days, they take new pictures to put on Facebook and they don’t read your messages. They keep on moving forward and shove you to the side because you make more mistakes than you should.”

— Alice Oseman

104. “His hair is dark blond and his eyes are brown and he is two inches taller than me, if you care about that sort of thing. I think he’s pretty hot, but that might just be my opinion.”

— Alice Oseman

105. “I can take a little beating now and then. I’m a tough one. I’m a star. I’m steel-chested and diamond-eyed. Cyborgs live and then they break, but I’ll never break. Even when my bone dust drifts over the City walls, I’ll be living and I’ll be flying, and I will wave and laugh.”

— Alice Oseman

106. “Their music was good and fun, yes, but they looked kind. They were attractive, but not in a scary, very masculine way that many young girls find intimidating. They had floppy hair and skinny frames, you know, that sort of thing. Which is very fashionable now, but wasn’t really back then. They gave these girls something very safe to love. Something that would never bite them back. In the sixties, everything would bite you back if you were a girl.”

— Alice Oseman

107. “What does total androgyny look like, when gender isn’t even anything to do with appearance and voice?”

— Alice Oseman

108. “Exactly. Two idiots in love. Couple goals.”

— Alice Oseman

109. “It’s important to make lots of discoveries every day.” He stands back up. “That’s what makes one day different from the next.”

— Alice Oseman

110. “It must be useful to be smart,” she said and then laughed weakly. She glanced down and suddenly looked very sad. “I’m like, constantly scared I’m going to be a homeless or something. I wish our whole lives didn’t have to depend on our grades.”

— Alice Oseman

111. “As I open the door, he murmurs: “Nothing’s going to change until you decide you want it to change.”

— Alice Oseman

112. “Old and rusty, aching and sleepy. Wandering through the city, lost, circling, alone. No gears left in my heart, no code whirring in my brain. Just kinetic energy, being pushed gently onward by other forces – sound, light, dust waves, the quakes. I’m as lost as ever, friends. Can you tell?”

— Alice Oseman

113. “Sometimes you can’t say the things you’re thinking. Sometimes it’s too hard.”

— Alice Oseman

114. “And when he gets to heaven,′ he sings... ’to Saint Peter he will tell: One more soldier reporting, sir. I’ve served my time in hell.”

— Alice Oseman

115. “I don’t think age has much to do with adulthood.”

— Alice Oseman

116. “My reasoning was that since there was no easy way to bring this up, I might as well just blurt it out. This is how I get through most of my life.”

— Alice Oseman

117. “Don’t say that. You’re a sexy beast. You could easily have had a boyfriend.”

— Alice Oseman

118. “There is a line that you cross when making relationships with people. Crossing this line occurs when you transfer from knowing someone to knowing about someone.”

— Alice Oseman

119. “Does anyone have any tips for avoiding sinking into the concrete?”

— Alice Oseman

120. “It was something adults said all the time. “You’ll change your mind when you’re older. You never know what might happen. You’ll feel differently one day.” As if we teenagers knew so little about ourselves that we could wake up one day a completely different person. As if the person we are right now doesn’t matter at all.”

— Alice Oseman

121. “I always do this thing where I accidentally say self-deprecating stuff that makes other people feel really awkward, especially when it’s true.”

— Alice Oseman

122. “Bedrooms are windows to the soul.”

— Alice Oseman

123. “The large majority of teenagers who attend Higgs are soulless, conformist idiots. I have successfully integrated myself into a small group of girls who I consider to be “good people,” but sometimes I still feel that I might be the only person with a consciousness, like a video game protagonist, and everyone else are computer-generated extras who have only a select few actions, such as “initiate meaningless conversation” and “hug.”

— Alice Oseman

124. “So,” he says, slyly raising his eyebrows with typical Michael suavity. “You hate yourself. I hate myself. Common interests. We should get together.”

— Alice Oseman

125. “This is England, not Antarctica. Deal with it.”

— Alice Oseman

126. “Emotions are humanity’s fatal disease. And we’re all dying.”

— Alice Oseman

127. “I didn’t really want to go. Firstly, everyone was just gonna get drunk, which I could do perfectly well by myself in my den while watching YouTube videos instead of having to worry about catching the last train home or avoiding sexual assault.”

— Alice Oseman

128. “I wake up because the sun is in my eyes – I forgot to close my curtains last night. I forgot to do a lot of things last night. Like be a decent human being.”

— Alice Oseman

129. “I wasn’t sure how anyone could mistake an Indian girl for a British-Ethiopian girl, but there it is. Gotta love white people.”

— Alice Oseman

130. “I wish I knew what he was reading. I know I don’t like books, but you can always tell what someone is thinking by what they’re reading.”

— Alice Oseman

131. “YOU’RE AN IDIOT,” said Mum, when I relayed to her the entire situation on Wednesday. “Not an unintelligent idiot, but a sort of naive idiot who manages to fall into a difficult situation and then can’t get out of it because she’s too awkward.”

— Alice Oseman

132. “It took quite a lot of effort not to say sorry for saying sorry.”

— Alice Oseman

133. “I didn’t want to be in a bad mood in my history exam. Writing about the division of Germany for two hours was sad enough.”

— Alice Oseman

134. “I know. But this is my point. this whole deal with you and Nick being out to people... I think you need to stop worrying about anyone else feelings. – Aled Last.”

— Alice Oseman

135. “I just like individual songs. I find one song that I really love, and then I listen to it about twenty billion times until I hate it and have ruined it for myself.”

— Alice Oseman

136. “I love this. I love us. I love our weird, boring life.”

— Alice Oseman

137. “You’re gonna be OK. There’s nothing you have to do except be.”

— Alice Oseman

138. “Every time I thought I’d worked out what I really enjoyed, I started to second-guess myself. Maybe I just didn’t enjoy anything anymore.”

— Alice Oseman

139. “All friendships are selfish. Maybe if we were all selfless, we would leave each other alone.”

— Alice Oseman

140. “Being a male fan of obscure old bands is, for some reason, more acceptable than being a female fan of a twenty-first-century boy band.”

— Alice Oseman

141. “I don’t think I need to try everything to know I don’t like it.”

— Alice Oseman

142. “It’s funny because it’s true.”

— Alice Oseman

143. “You can’t always rely just on yourself, even though it can seem like an easier way to live.”

— Alice Oseman

144. “I think it’s better to just read and not study books.”

— Alice Oseman

145. “It’s so easy to assume you know everything about a person.”

— Alice Oseman

146. “I almost always did work when I got home, because whenever I wasn’t doing schoolwork I felt like I was wasting my time.”

— Alice Oseman

147. “Isn’t that an excellent name for a cat? Steve.”

— Alice Oseman

148. “It felt so real. It didn’t feel like I was trying to be someone I’m not, like I was putting on an act. I cared about him. And he cared about me. That was all it was.”

— Alice Oseman

149. “I’m at uni for three months and suddenly I’m not straight any more.”

— Alice Oseman

150. “I wonder sometimes whether you’ve exploded already, like a star, and what I’m seeing you is three million years into the past, and you’re not here anyore. How can we be together here, now, when you are so far away. When you are so far ago? I’m shouting so loudly, but you never turn around to see me. Perhaps it is I who have already exploded. Either way, we are going to bring beautiful things into the universe.”

— Alice Oseman