Top 300 Alice Oseman Quotes (2025 Update)
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251. “He’ being unfair, but I don’t have any right to be annoyed at him.”

— Alice Oseman

252. “I didn’t know what my hobbies were anymore, except yearning for romance and reading fanfiction.”

— Alice Oseman

253. “Even if things are harder when people know about us, we’ll be okay, because we’ve got each other.”

— Alice Oseman

254. “Friends are important. People who are alone are usually the antagonists.”

— Alice Oseman

255. “My running theory was that my shyness and introversion were linked to my whole ‘never fancying anyone’ situation – maybe I just didn’t talk to enough people, or maybe people just stressed me out in general, and that was why I’d never wanted to kiss anyone. If I just improved my confidence, tried to be a bit more open and sociable, I’d be able to do and feel those things, like most people.”

— Alice Oseman

256. “It wasn’t fancy, or anything. But I could really imagine myself living here. I could imagine all of us here, starting a new academic year, coming home and slumping on the sofa next to each other, chatting in the kitchen in the mornings over bowls of cereal, crowding into the biggest bedroom for movie nights, falling asleep in each other’s beds when we were too tired to move. I could imagine all of it. A future. A small future, and not a forever future, but a future, nonetheless.”

— Alice Oseman

257. “I keep thinking as I’m spinning how everything looks so sad, but if this day were to go down in history, everyone would talk about what a beautiful day it was.”

— Alice Oseman

258. “Why are straight people like this?”

— Alice Oseman

259. “Mum came and held me while I cried. I wanted to punch myself. I wanted to punch myself until my skull cracked.”

— Alice Oseman

260. “Not an unintelligent idiot, but a sort of naive idiot who manages to fall into a difficult situation and then can’t get out of it because she’s too awkward.”

— Alice Oseman

261. “That, or they just don’t care. I can relate to that.”

— Alice Oseman

262. “We were just two roommates dealing with things that were too difficult to talk about.”

— Alice Oseman

263. “Johnny’s entry was free as it was before 11pm, which was good news for me, because I hate spending money on things I don’t actually want to do.”

— Alice Oseman

264. “Oh. You’re being gay. Good job. Carry on.”

— Alice Oseman

265. “Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you can’t be a bigot.”

— Alice Oseman

266. “Firstly, I resent the fangirl idea that Draco Malfoy is some kind of beautifully tortured soul who is searching for redemption and understanding. He’s essentially a massive racist. Secondly, the idea that bullying means that you fancy someone is basically the foundation of domestic abuse.”

— Alice Oseman

267. “I wanted you to be the first to know that me and Elle are getting back together.”

— Alice Oseman

268. “They were all lovely people, but they made me nervous. They weren’t mean to me or anything, they just saw me in a very particular way- School Frances, head girl, boring, nerdy, study machine.”

— Alice Oseman

269. “I think the truth is that everyone in the entire world is confused and nobody understands much of anything at all.”

— Alice Oseman

270. “I had been so desperate for my idea of true love that I couldn’t even see it when it was right in front of my face.”

— Alice Oseman

271. “When I get back into bed, every single thing that you could possibly think about in one day decides to come to me all at once, and suddenly there’s a small lightning storm inside my head.”

— Alice Oseman

272. “Excuse me, it’s your place as a friend to tell them when they’re almost dating a guy who can’t even use the word “gay” without spontaneously combusting.”

— Alice Oseman

273. “Maybe I feel angry. No. I don’t feel anything.”

— Alice Oseman

274. “But while it’s good that Dad’s checking in, he’s also drawing everyone’s attention to Charlie, which is pretty much the last thing Charlie wants.”

— Alice Oseman

275. “It felt like I was actually putting myself out there, trying something new, and it would hopefully result in a year of fun rehearsals, meeting new people, and enjoying my university experience.”

— Alice Oseman

276. “I knew I had so far to go before I could even begin to like who I was, but at least I had Rooney sitting next to me, laughing instead of crying.”

— Alice Oseman

277. “That doesn’t mean our relationship isn’t strong. If anything... I think we’re stronger now.”

— Alice Oseman

278. “She knows now. She knows that the smiles, the romance, the sparkly boy band dream – it’s all just fantasy. fantasy and lies.”

— Alice Oseman

279. “Not that that matters. I don’t matter. He matters.”

— Alice Oseman

280. “Everyone knows psychology A Level came straight out of hell.”

— Alice Oseman

281. “We don’t see our cousins more than a few times a year, but it had become clear to me over recent years that they are very much unlike Charlie and me. Mainly because they seen determined to be friendly and fun all the time.”

— Alice Oseman

282. “I’ve had a bad day, sure. But I shouldn’t have taken that out on Tori. I should have stuck with her for at least a little longer.”

— Alice Oseman

283. “I noted to myself that I should probably start collecting cats, seeing as they are very likely to be my sole companions in ten years’ time.”

— Alice Oseman

284. “Mum regularly pointed out boys she thought I would find attractive, as if I could just go up to someone and ask them out. I never thought any of her choices were attractive anyway. But she was hopeful. Mostly out of curiosity, I think. She wanted to know what sort of person I would choose, like when you’re watching a movie and waiting for the love interest to appear.”

— Alice Oseman

285. “I don’t know, I just don’t care, it’ll all be all right in the end or something, like, so it’s getting to the point where I just don’t do any work if I don’t have to, I only do the things I have to do, but I just don’t care? I don’t know, this doesn’t make any sense...”

— Alice Oseman

286. “Hello. I hope somebody is listening.”

— Alice Oseman

287. “I bite my lip, holding back the sarcasm.”

— Alice Oseman

288. “I sort of want to be dead.”

— Alice Oseman

289. “I fight down the urge to hysterically laugh.”

— Alice Oseman

290. “I mean, I’m not ashamed, I’m just... it was just... I j-just need some time to figure this out. I just need a bit more time.”

— Alice Oseman

291. “You always have interesting things to say,” he says. “You just don’t say them.”

— Alice Oseman

292. “Seriously, who falls asleep that quickly? Imagine being able to sleep without listening to a true crime podcast episode or immersing yourself in your imaginary dreamworld for at least an hour.”

— Alice Oseman

293. “Either way, we are going to bring beautiful things into the universe.”

— Alice Oseman

294. “I think he chose this outfit purposefully to annoy Mum.”

— Alice Oseman

295. “Nobody seems to be saying anything about it, which makes me wonder whether my family are behind it, and they’ve all been possessed by some ghosts or evil dinosaurs or something.”

— Alice Oseman

296. “There was no way she was going to even attempt to listen to me. They never do, do they. They never even try to listen to you.”

— Alice Oseman

297. “Why are there no happy people?” someone else asks, maybe me.”

— Alice Oseman

298. “I thought things might change; that we might start being more open about feelings and stuff.”

— Alice Oseman

299. “If I could spend every night of my life eating snacks and watching something silly in a giant bed with one of my best friends, I’d be happy.”

— Alice Oseman

300. “But we’re gods, Jimmy. What’s better than that?”

— Alice Oseman