Top 300 Alice Oseman Quotes (2024 Update)
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251. “On the one hand I’m thinking yeah this work is important, like, it’s really important that I get the grades and get accepted, but on the other hand my brain is just like, I don’t know, I just don’t care, it’ll all be alright in the end or something, like, so it’s getting to the point where I just don’t do any work that I don’t have to, I only do the things that I have to do, but I just don’t care? I don’t know, this doesn’t make any sense...”

— Alice Oseman

252. “So congrats on your incredibly difficult that gay people actually do have feelings, and have a nice life.”

— Alice Oseman

253. “If I could spend every night of my life eating snacks and watching something silly in a giant bed with one of my best friends, I’d be happy.”

— Alice Oseman

254. “But we’re gods, Jimmy. What’s better than that?”

— Alice Oseman

255. “I just sit here, doing nothing, assuming that someone else is going to make things better.”

— Alice Oseman

256. “I didn’t talk to him enough. I didn’t do enough.”

— Alice Oseman

257. “She had taken his private space – his home – and destroyed it. She took everything he loved and ruined it.”

— Alice Oseman

258. “When people know you’re mentally ill, most people either want to ignore it completely or they treat you like you’re strange, scary, or fascinating. Very few people are actually good at the middle ground. The middle ground isn’t hard. It’s just being there. Being helpful, if help is needed. Being understanding, even if they don’t understand everything.”

— Alice Oseman

259. “People can be going through stuff... and you just have no idea.”

— Alice Oseman

260. “It wasn’t fancy, or anything. But I could really imagine myself living here. I could imagine all of us here, starting a new academic year, coming home and slumping on the sofa next to each other, chatting in the kitchen in the mornings over bowls of cereal, crowding into the biggest bedroom for movie nights, falling asleep in each other’s beds when we were too tired to move. I could imagine all of it. A future. A small future, and not a forever future, but a future, nonetheless.”

— Alice Oseman

261. “I keep thinking as I’m spinning how everything looks so sad, but if this day were to go down in history, everyone would talk about what a beautiful day it was.”

— Alice Oseman

262. “Why are straight people like this?”

— Alice Oseman

263. “That, or they just don’t care. I can relate to that.”

— Alice Oseman

264. “Mum came and held me while I cried. I wanted to punch myself. I wanted to punch myself until my skull cracked.”

— Alice Oseman

265. “Not an unintelligent idiot, but a sort of naive idiot who manages to fall into a difficult situation and then can’t get out of it because she’s too awkward.”

— Alice Oseman

266. “Well, believing in God doesn’t stop you crying every now and then.”

— Alice Oseman

267. “We were just two roommates dealing with things that were too difficult to talk about.”

— Alice Oseman

268. “Johnny’s entry was free as it was before 11pm, which was good news for me, because I hate spending money on things I don’t actually want to do.”

— Alice Oseman

269. “Oh. You’re being gay. Good job. Carry on.”

— Alice Oseman

270. “Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you can’t be a bigot.”

— Alice Oseman

271. “Firstly, I resent the fangirl idea that Draco Malfoy is some kind of beautifully tortured soul who is searching for redemption and understanding. He’s essentially a massive racist. Secondly, the idea that bullying means that you fancy someone is basically the foundation of domestic abuse.”

— Alice Oseman

272. “I wanted you to be the first to know that me and Elle are getting back together.”

— Alice Oseman

273. “They were all lovely people, but they made me nervous. They weren’t mean to me or anything, they just saw me in a very particular way- School Frances, head girl, boring, nerdy, study machine.”

— Alice Oseman

274. “I think the truth is that everyone in the entire world is confused and nobody understands much of anything at all.”

— Alice Oseman

275. “But while it’s good that Dad’s checking in, he’s also drawing everyone’s attention to Charlie, which is pretty much the last thing Charlie wants.”

— Alice Oseman

276. “I had been so desperate for my idea of true love that I couldn’t even see it when it was right in front of my face.”

— Alice Oseman

277. “When I get back into bed, every single thing that you could possibly think about in one day decides to come to me all at once, and suddenly there’s a small lightning storm inside my head.”

— Alice Oseman

278. “Excuse me, it’s your place as a friend to tell them when they’re almost dating a guy who can’t even use the word “gay” without spontaneously combusting.”

— Alice Oseman

279. “Maybe I feel angry. No. I don’t feel anything.”

— Alice Oseman

280. “Not that that matters. I don’t matter. He matters.”

— Alice Oseman

281. “It felt like I was actually putting myself out there, trying something new, and it would hopefully result in a year of fun rehearsals, meeting new people, and enjoying my university experience.”

— Alice Oseman

282. “I knew I had so far to go before I could even begin to like who I was, but at least I had Rooney sitting next to me, laughing instead of crying.”

— Alice Oseman

283. “That doesn’t mean our relationship isn’t strong. If anything... I think we’re stronger now.”

— Alice Oseman

284. “She knows now. She knows that the smiles, the romance, the sparkly boy band dream – it’s all just fantasy. fantasy and lies.”

— Alice Oseman

285. “I noted to myself that I should probably start collecting cats, seeing as they are very likely to be my sole companions in ten years’ time.”

— Alice Oseman

286. “Everyone knows psychology A Level came straight out of hell.”

— Alice Oseman

287. “We don’t see our cousins more than a few times a year, but it had become clear to me over recent years that they are very much unlike Charlie and me. Mainly because they seen determined to be friendly and fun all the time.”

— Alice Oseman

288. “You would give your life for these boys. You cling to them like you’re reaching out to a god. They practically keep you alive. But beneath that, and if you took all that away, you fundimentally do not value yourself. All your love is given away. You leave nothing for yourself.”

— Alice Oseman

289. “I’ve had a bad day, sure. But I shouldn’t have taken that out on Tori. I should have stuck with her for at least a little longer.”

— Alice Oseman

290. “I fight down the urge to hysterically laugh.”

— Alice Oseman

291. “Mum regularly pointed out boys she thought I would find attractive, as if I could just go up to someone and ask them out. I never thought any of her choices were attractive anyway. But she was hopeful. Mostly out of curiosity, I think. She wanted to know what sort of person I would choose, like when you’re watching a movie and waiting for the love interest to appear.”

— Alice Oseman

292. “I don’t know, I just don’t care, it’ll all be all right in the end or something, like, so it’s getting to the point where I just don’t do any work if I don’t have to, I only do the things I have to do, but I just don’t care? I don’t know, this doesn’t make any sense...”

— Alice Oseman

293. “Hello. I hope somebody is listening.”

— Alice Oseman

294. “I bite my lip, holding back the sarcasm.”

— Alice Oseman

295. “I sort of want to be dead.”

— Alice Oseman

296. “I mean, I’m not ashamed, I’m just... it was just... I j-just need some time to figure this out. I just need a bit more time.”

— Alice Oseman

297. “You always have interesting things to say,” he says. “You just don’t say them.”

— Alice Oseman

298. “Seriously, who falls asleep that quickly? Imagine being able to sleep without listening to a true crime podcast episode or immersing yourself in your imaginary dreamworld for at least an hour.”

— Alice Oseman

299. “Either way, we are going to bring beautiful things into the universe.”

— Alice Oseman

300. “I think he chose this outfit purposefully to annoy Mum.”

— Alice Oseman