Top 300 Alice Oseman Quotes (2026 Update)
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251. “But we’re gods, Jimmy. What’s better than that?”

— Alice Oseman

252. “He was bawling his eyes out and hugging everyone, including some scared-looking Year 7s who just wanted to catch their bus.”

— Alice Oseman

253. “I want to cry. I want to do anything to stop him from leaving.”

— Alice Oseman

254. “I don’t particularly feel like wasting a year of my life turning up to rehearsals just to stand still and wave my arms around occasionally.”

— Alice Oseman

255. “I stayed silent because I had nothing to contribute, which was nothing unusual for me around my school friends, but it felt weird, because I’d forgotten that this was how I normally behaved.”

— Alice Oseman

256. “Evelyn,” says Becky. “Firstly, I resent the fangirl idea that Draco Malfoy is some kind of beautifully tortured soul who is searching for redemption and understanding.”

— Alice Oseman

257. “I noted to myself that I should probably start collecting cats, seeing as they are very likely to be my sole companions in ten years’ time.”

— Alice Oseman

258. “When I get back into bed, every single thing that you could possibly think about in one day decides to come to me all at once, and suddenly there’s a small lightning storm inside my head.”

— Alice Oseman

259. “On the one hand I’m thinking yeah this work is important, like, it’s really important that I get the grades and get accepted, but on the other hand my brain is just like, I don’t know, I just don’t care, it’ll all be alright in the end or something, like, so it’s getting to the point where I just don’t do any work that I don’t have to, I only do the things that I have to do, but I just don’t care? I don’t know, this doesn’t make any sense...”

— Alice Oseman

260. “And the three of us laugh. And I imagine this must be what it’s like to have real friends.”

— Alice Oseman

261. “Well, believing in God doesn’t stop you crying every now and then.”

— Alice Oseman

262. “Until then, we would keep the beds together.”

— Alice Oseman

263. “She looked like a majestic elf and I looked like a gremlin.”

— Alice Oseman

264. “I knew I had so far to go before I could even begin to like who I was, but at least I had Rooney sitting next to me, laughing instead of crying.”

— Alice Oseman

265. “I didn’t know what my hobbies were anymore, except yearning for romance and reading fanfiction.”

— Alice Oseman

266. “How was he eighteen? How could anyone I knew possibly be eighteen years old?”

— Alice Oseman

267. “So congrats on your incredibly difficult that gay people actually do have feelings, and have a nice life.”

— Alice Oseman

268. “Nobody seems to be saying anything about it, which makes me wonder whether my family are behind it, and they’ve all been possessed by some ghosts or evil dinosaurs or something.”

— Alice Oseman

269. “Why are there no happy people?” someone else asks, maybe me.”

— Alice Oseman

270. “Johnny’s entry was free as it was before 11pm, which was good news for me, because I hate spending money on things I don’t actually want to do.”

— Alice Oseman

271. “Seriously, who falls asleep that quickly? Imagine being able to sleep without listening to a true crime podcast episode or immersing yourself in your imaginary dreamworld for at least an hour.”

— Alice Oseman

272. “I’ve had a bad day, sure. But I shouldn’t have taken that out on Tori. I should have stuck with her for at least a little longer.”

— Alice Oseman

273. “I didn’t talk to him enough. I didn’t do enough.”

— Alice Oseman

274. “I had been so desperate for my idea of true love that I couldn’t even see it when it was right in front of my face.”

— Alice Oseman

275. “Maybe I feel angry. No. I don’t feel anything.”

— Alice Oseman

276. “Firstly, I resent the fangirl idea that Draco Malfoy is some kind of beautifully tortured soul who is searching for redemption and understanding. He’s essentially a massive racist. Secondly, the idea that bullying means that you fancy someone is basically the foundation of domestic abuse.”

— Alice Oseman

277. “I wanted you to be the first to know that me and Elle are getting back together.”

— Alice Oseman

278. “I think he chose this outfit purposefully to annoy Mum.”

— Alice Oseman

279. “That, or they just don’t care. I can relate to that.”

— Alice Oseman

280. “Mum regularly pointed out boys she thought I would find attractive, as if I could just go up to someone and ask them out. I never thought any of her choices were attractive anyway. But she was hopeful. Mostly out of curiosity, I think. She wanted to know what sort of person I would choose, like when you’re watching a movie and waiting for the love interest to appear.”

— Alice Oseman

281. “I sort of want to be dead.”

— Alice Oseman

282. “It wasn’t fancy, or anything. But I could really imagine myself living here. I could imagine all of us here, starting a new academic year, coming home and slumping on the sofa next to each other, chatting in the kitchen in the mornings over bowls of cereal, crowding into the biggest bedroom for movie nights, falling asleep in each other’s beds when we were too tired to move. I could imagine all of it. A future. A small future, and not a forever future, but a future, nonetheless.”

— Alice Oseman

283. “It felt like I was actually putting myself out there, trying something new, and it would hopefully result in a year of fun rehearsals, meeting new people, and enjoying my university experience.”

— Alice Oseman

284. “That doesn’t mean our relationship isn’t strong. If anything... I think we’re stronger now.”

— Alice Oseman

285. “There was no way she was going to even attempt to listen to me. They never do, do they. They never even try to listen to you.”

— Alice Oseman

286. “We were just two roommates dealing with things that were too difficult to talk about.”

— Alice Oseman

287. “Oh. You’re being gay. Good job. Carry on.”

— Alice Oseman

288. “You always have interesting things to say,” he says. “You just don’t say them.”

— Alice Oseman

289. “We don’t see our cousins more than a few times a year, but it had become clear to me over recent years that they are very much unlike Charlie and me. Mainly because they seen determined to be friendly and fun all the time.”

— Alice Oseman

290. “She had taken his private space – his home – and destroyed it. She took everything he loved and ruined it.”

— Alice Oseman

291. “When people know you’re mentally ill, most people either want to ignore it completely or they treat you like you’re strange, scary, or fascinating. Very few people are actually good at the middle ground. The middle ground isn’t hard. It’s just being there. Being helpful, if help is needed. Being understanding, even if they don’t understand everything.”

— Alice Oseman

292. “Excuse me, it’s your place as a friend to tell them when they’re almost dating a guy who can’t even use the word “gay” without spontaneously combusting.”

— Alice Oseman

293. “But while it’s good that Dad’s checking in, he’s also drawing everyone’s attention to Charlie, which is pretty much the last thing Charlie wants.”

— Alice Oseman

294. “Either way, we are going to bring beautiful things into the universe.”

— Alice Oseman

295. “Mum came and held me while I cried. I wanted to punch myself. I wanted to punch myself until my skull cracked.”

— Alice Oseman

296. “Hello. I hope somebody is listening.”

— Alice Oseman

297. “I bite my lip, holding back the sarcasm.”

— Alice Oseman

298. “She knows now. She knows that the smiles, the romance, the sparkly boy band dream – it’s all just fantasy. fantasy and lies.”

— Alice Oseman

299. “Not that that matters. I don’t matter. He matters.”

— Alice Oseman

300. “They were all lovely people, but they made me nervous. They weren’t mean to me or anything, they just saw me in a very particular way- School Frances, head girl, boring, nerdy, study machine.”

— Alice Oseman