“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. ”
— Bill Cosby
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.”
“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.”
“If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be appreciated, shut up.”
“The past is a ghost, the future a dream and all we ever have is now.”
“People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.”
“Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.”
“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”
“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.”
“Don’t let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.”
“Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.”
“Betrayal, abandonment, deceit and manipulation.”
“The secret of success is to be like a duck, Smooth and unruffled on top, But paddling furiously underneath.”
“Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.”
“Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.”
“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”
“The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.”
“Your parents put a curse on you – Someday your kids are going to act just like you.”
“Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.”
“A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.”
“You can’t be everything to everyone.”
“Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.”
“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
“Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.”
“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.”
“When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?”
“I can’t even talk the way these people talk. ‘Why you ain’t?’ ‘Where you is?’ Everybody knows it’s important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can’t be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth.”
“If you can find humour in anything, you can survive it.”
“Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.”
“Old is always fifteen years from now.”
“Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of you.”
“How long can you tread water?”
“People say “God will find a way.” God can’t find a way if you’re in the way.”
“Every success story has a parent who says, ‘over my dead body.’ Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you’re acting the fool, ‘you know I worry about you sometimes.’”
“A child who is disciplined will be more obedient and also more organized as a student.”
“I have to follow my thoughts and mine for the gold. I have to dig it out.”
“Grandparents are God’s gifts to children.”
“If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won’t get them. If you take them just for emergency, that’s all they’re gonna get.”
“Anyone can dabble, but once you’ve made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it’s very hard for people to stop you.”
“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.”
“A pelican that is wet walks with a gated limp, but a dry fish swims alone.”
“Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.”
“A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.”
“Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, “Let’s get high and have fun.” So they’re high; now they’re paranoid. “Am I falling out of this chair?””
“The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.”
“Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.”
“In your 50s, time becomes precious and must not be wasted. Every minute is an excellent opportunity for a good nap. Happy 50th birthday!”
“Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in.”
“Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.”
“Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.”
“I was a physical education major with a child psychology minor at Temple, which means if you ask me a question about a child’s behavior, I will advise you to tell the child to take a lap.”
“You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.”
“The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.”
“Mediocre people are the most dangerous people in the world.”
“All parents experience the same problems.”
“Fatherhood is asking your son to make up a name rather than tell anybody who he is.”
“Any husband who says, “My wife and I are completely equal partners,” is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.”
“The weatherman is always right. It’s just his timing that’s off.”
“There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.”
“You also notice that the right side of your face feels like it’s sliding off of your skull. And your bottom lip is in your lap!”
“Nothing I’ve ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.”
“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
“My father walked to school 4 o’clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and he was thankful.”
“If I use the word romance, whether it’s my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there.”
“Zip zop wop boopity bop.”
“After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was “Don’t.””
“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.”
“I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don’t cry over the one person who doesn’t.”
“I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.”
“It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.”
“The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.”
“It isn’t a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that’s beautiful.”
“Gray hair is God’s graffiti.”
“I don’t have a clue about the way to achievement, however the way to disappointment is attempting to please everyone.”
“Calculus is one course you can come with to your parents and say, I am dropping it. And they’ll understand.”
“Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones who eat broccoli.”
“The serve was invented so that the net could play.”
“I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!”
“Did you ever see the customers in health – food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half – dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They’re dying, of course, but they look terrific.”
“Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world.”
“If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.”
“As a comedian, I can walk out in front of 5000 people and not worry about a thing. Not a thing, believe me. But to stand up a face a camera and crew of maybe 15 guys and get up tight about it – to me that’s weird.”
“Family is conflict and it’s something that we all relate to.”
“I don’t think you can bring the races together by joking about the differences between them. I’d rather talk about the similarities, about what’s universal in their experiences.”
“In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.”
“My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.”
“Don’t talk yourself into not being you.”
“All Children Have Brain Damage!”
“I’m not sure if my parents had me because they loved me, or because they wanted someone to watch their other children.”
“Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!”
“Kids need to remember that when you put something on Twitter, it’s not like whispering to your friend, you’ve put it on a billboard that the whole world, including your own kids someday, can see.”
“All around the United States of America – in the cities and the counties – our public education is suffering and has been suffering. Cuts, cuts, cuts.”
“Brown versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person’s problem.”
“The summit, which is set up to educate people about managing their money and protecting their income, leads to empowerment of self, for which this summit needs to be applauded.”
“If you have no faith, you’ve lost your battle.”
“Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.”
“Social networking helps reach people easier and quicker.”
“If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it.”
“Intellectuals are people who go to study things other people do naturally.”
“I’ve got a Ferrari. VROOM! I do 104 from the garage to the front door.”
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