Top 150 Bill Hicks Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “That’s why I always recommend a psychedelic experience because it makes you realize that all you’ve learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily the truth.”

— Bill Hicks

52. “Rock stars against drugs – that’s what we want, isn’t it? Government-approved rock-n-roll? Woo! We’re partying now!”

— Bill Hicks

53. “I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.”

— Bill Hicks

54. “If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.”

— Bill Hicks

55. “They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer.”

— Bill Hicks

56. “By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself.”

— Bill Hicks

57. “I loved when Bush came out and said, ‘We are losing the war against drugs.’ You know what that implies? There’s a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.”

— Bill Hicks

58. “I’m an American who loves an America which doesn’t exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.”

— Bill Hicks

59. “There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue – those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS – but they remain strangely silent...”

— Bill Hicks

60. “Nonsmokers – this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.”

— Bill Hicks

61. “You are the imagination of yourself.”

— Bill Hicks

62. “It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.”

— Bill Hicks

63. “Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren’t partyin’.”

— Bill Hicks

64. “We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?”

— Bill Hicks

65. “Good comedy helps people know they’re not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.”

— Bill Hicks

66. “What does an atheist scream when they come?”

— Bill Hicks

67. “If I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews.”

— Bill Hicks

68. “I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego...”

— Bill Hicks

69. “The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.”

— Bill Hicks

70. “Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.”

— Bill Hicks

71. “If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.”

— Bill Hicks

72. “Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.”

— Bill Hicks

73. “Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who’ve helped me.”

— Bill Hicks

74. “If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.”

— Bill Hicks

75. “I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul.”

— Bill Hicks

76. “Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.”

— Bill Hicks

77. “People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.”

— Bill Hicks

78. “Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.”

— Bill Hicks

79. “Jesus-murdered. Martin Luther King-murdered. Gandhi-murdered. Malcolm X-murdered. Reagan-wounded.”

— Bill Hicks

80. “BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.”

— Bill Hicks

81. “Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health nut. The plot thickens.”

— Bill Hicks

82. “And I’m not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?”

— Bill Hicks

83. “Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here’s my message: as scary as the world is – and it is – it is merely a ride...”

— Bill Hicks

84. “You all saw him – he had a gun.”

— Bill Hicks

85. “Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.”

— Bill Hicks

86. “It’s really weird how your life changes. Tonight I’m drinking water. Four years ago? Opium. Night and day, you know?”

— Bill Hicks

87. “Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.”

— Bill Hicks

88. “The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.”

— Bill Hicks

89. “Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added ’em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.”

— Bill Hicks

90. “The role of the comedian is to say ‘Wait a minute’ when a consensus starts to form.”

— Bill Hicks

91. “Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.”

— Bill Hicks

92. “I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.”

— Bill Hicks

93. “I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself – to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.”

— Bill Hicks

94. “Will there be titty? Sure. Boom! I’m a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood.”

— Bill Hicks

95. “Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They’re sick, they’re not criminals. Sick people don’t get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.”

— Bill Hicks

96. “I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That’s faith in action folks! You know he’s got God on his side.”

— Bill Hicks

97. “Hitler had the right idea, he was just an underachiever.”

— Bill Hicks

98. “Been on what I call my Flying Saucer Tour – appearing in small Southern towns – in front of handfuls of hillbillies.”

— Bill Hicks

99. “People always snap and think they’re Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they’re Buddha?”

— Bill Hicks

100. “Right foot, left foot, hemorrhage.”

— Bill Hicks