Top 150 Bill Hicks Quotes (2026 Update)
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51. “That’s why I always recommend a psychedelic experience because it makes you realize that all you’ve learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily the truth.”

— Bill Hicks

52. “The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.”

— Bill Hicks

53. “By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself.”

— Bill Hicks

54. “Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that’s why you giggle the first hour.”

— Bill Hicks

55. “I loved when Bush came out and said, ‘We are losing the war against drugs.’ You know what that implies? There’s a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.”

— Bill Hicks

56. “I’m an American who loves an America which doesn’t exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.”

— Bill Hicks

57. “It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.”

— Bill Hicks

58. “I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.”

— Bill Hicks

Featured in: Real Quotes

59. “If you’re so pro-life, do me a favour: don’t lock arms and block medical clinics. If you’re so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.”

— Bill Hicks

60. “They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer.”

— Bill Hicks

61. “Good comedy helps people know they’re not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.”

— Bill Hicks

62. “The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.”

— Bill Hicks

63. “Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.”

— Bill Hicks

64. “Nonsmokers – this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.”

— Bill Hicks

65. “There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue – those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS – but they remain strangely silent...”

— Bill Hicks

66. “Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who’ve helped me.”

— Bill Hicks

Featured in: Book Quotes

67. “I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul.”

— Bill Hicks

68. “Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.”

— Bill Hicks

69. “Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren’t partyin’.”

— Bill Hicks

70. “We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?”

— Bill Hicks

71. “If I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews.”

— Bill Hicks

72. “What does an atheist scream when they come?”

— Bill Hicks

73. “Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here’s my message: as scary as the world is – and it is – it is merely a ride...”

— Bill Hicks

74. “I wouldn’t give Satan a snowball’s chance in Hell against a woman’s ego...”

— Bill Hicks

75. “If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.”

— Bill Hicks

76. “It’s really weird how your life changes. Tonight I’m drinking water. Four years ago? Opium. Night and day, you know?”

— Bill Hicks

77. “Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.”

— Bill Hicks

78. “Eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions god’s infinite love.”

— Bill Hicks

79. “I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself – to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.”

— Bill Hicks

80. “If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.”

— Bill Hicks

81. “People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.”

— Bill Hicks

82. “Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.”

— Bill Hicks

83. “Jesus-murdered. Martin Luther King-murdered. Gandhi-murdered. Malcolm X-murdered. Reagan-wounded.”

— Bill Hicks

84. “BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.”

— Bill Hicks

Featured in: Book Quotes

85. “Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health nut. The plot thickens.”

— Bill Hicks

86. “And I’m not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?”

— Bill Hicks

87. “You all saw him – he had a gun.”

— Bill Hicks

88. “Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.”

— Bill Hicks

89. “Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added ’em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.”

— Bill Hicks

90. “Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.”

— Bill Hicks

91. “The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.”

— Bill Hicks

92. “I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world.”

— Bill Hicks

93. “The role of the comedian is to say ‘Wait a minute’ when a consensus starts to form.”

— Bill Hicks

94. “The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God’s infinite love. That’s the message we’re brought up with, isn’t it? Beleive or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.”

— Bill Hicks

95. “Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.”

— Bill Hicks

96. “I can’t believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.”

— Bill Hicks

97. “I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.”

— Bill Hicks

98. “Why is pot against the law? It wouldn’t be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can’t make a profit off it, would it?”

— Bill Hicks

99. “Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.”

— Bill Hicks

100. “As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.”

— Bill Hicks