Top 150 Bill Hicks Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “Eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions god’s infinite love.”

— Bill Hicks

102. “I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world.”

— Bill Hicks

103. “The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God’s infinite love. That’s the message we’re brought up with, isn’t it? Beleive or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.”

— Bill Hicks

104. “My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.”

— Bill Hicks

105. “I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, “My dad can beat up your dad.” I’d say Yeah? When?”

— Bill Hicks

106. “I think it’s interesting how people act on their beliefs. A lot of Christians, for instance, wear crosses around their necks. Nice sentiment, but do you think when Jesus comes back, he’s really going to want to look at a cross?”

— Bill Hicks

107. “It seems to me that there will be a point in out development or our evolution where you put your guns aside.”

— Bill Hicks

108. “I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.”

— Bill Hicks

109. “I can’t believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.”

— Bill Hicks

110. “Why is pot against the law? It wouldn’t be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can’t make a profit off it, would it?”

— Bill Hicks

111. “I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.”

— Bill Hicks

112. “I don’t like anything in the mainstream and they don’t like me.”

— Bill Hicks

113. “As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.”

— Bill Hicks

114. “Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.”

— Bill Hicks

115. “A lotta Christians wear crosses ’round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross?”

— Bill Hicks

116. “Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.”

— Bill Hicks

117. “I am available for children’s parties, by the way...”

— Bill Hicks

118. “What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis, not the young, cool guy...”

— Bill Hicks

119. “On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: “I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did.”

— Bill Hicks

120. “Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don’t want any gay people hanging around me while I’m killing kids. I just don’t want to see it.”

— Bill Hicks

121. “We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn’t a hazard to this country-How’re we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?”

— Bill Hicks

122. “Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.”

— Bill Hicks

123. “But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It’s no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.”

— Bill Hicks

124. “I find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply.”

— Bill Hicks

125. “To me, Texas is Austin, a bunch of cool people trying to make a difference.”

— Bill Hicks

126. “I love talking about the Kennedy assassination. The reason I do is because I’m fascinated by it. I’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it.”

— Bill Hicks

127. “How about a positive LSD story? Wouldn’t that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies? I think it would be news-worthy.”

— Bill Hicks

128. “I used to drink, I did. I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I’d get pulled over by the cops, I’d be so drunk I’d be out dancing in their lights thinking I’d made it to the next club.”

— Bill Hicks

129. “You’re not a human till you’re in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.”

— Bill Hicks

130. “So, it’s good to be here, wherever I am.”

— Bill Hicks

131. “I’ve said all that I’ve had to say.”

— Bill Hicks

132. “Truly, the only stupid people I’ve ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.”

— Bill Hicks

133. “Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?”

— Bill Hicks

134. “Freebird, the mantra of the moron.”

— Bill Hicks

135. “I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.”

— Bill Hicks

136. “How dare you have wino tell me not to do drugs.”

— Bill Hicks

137. “I don’t identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.”

— Bill Hicks

138. “We’ll see who believes in me now. I am the Prankster God – I am killing me!”

— Bill Hicks

139. “Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.”

— Bill Hicks

140. “I want my rockstars dead.”

— Bill Hicks

141. “You see, Jung had this idea of a Collective Unconscious which mankind shared... and I agree. But! I think this Collective Mind is supposed to be conscious, not unconscious! And that is our job as the Agents of Evolution to enlighten – to bring light into the dark corners of that Netherworld and thus awaken our Mind to Truth and complete the circle that was broken with the dream of our fall from Grace.”

— Bill Hicks

142. “She was a southern girl, which is the same as saying she was insane.”

— Bill Hicks

143. “When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.”

— Bill Hicks

144. “And if I can take part in it by transforming my own consciousness, then someone else’s, I’m happy to do it.”

— Bill Hicks

145. “I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you’d be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.”

— Bill Hicks

146. “Laughter makes the bitter swallowing of truth, for some, a little easier.”

— Bill Hicks

147. “My God, I love EVERYTHING! The heavens parted, God looked down and rained gifts of forgiveness onto my being healing me on every level; psychically, physically, emotionally, and I realized our true nature as spirit, not body, that we are eternal beings and God’s love is unconditional and there’s nothing we can ever do to change that. It is only an illusion that we are separate from God or that we are alone. In fact, the reality is that we are one with God and he loves us.”

— Bill Hicks

148. “She was a southern girl, which is the same as saying she was insane. All southern women are insane. Some are cold blooded killers and some are harmless eccentrics, but the best of the breed exhibit both of these characteristics and always the one you expect the least at the time you least expect it.”

— Bill Hicks

149. “Is it impossible to imagine Americans sneaking into Mexico en masse, seeking regular employment and a better way of life?”

— Bill Hicks

150. “People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn’t share with itself.”

— Bill Hicks