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Humor Quotes

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Humor Quotes: “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” — Charles Bukowski

The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.

— Charles Bukowski



Humor Quotes: “Do what you do best, and outsource the rest.” — Peter F. Drucker

Do what you do best, and outsource the rest.

— Peter F. Drucker


Humor Quotes: “The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.” — David Ogilvy

The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.

— David Ogilvy


Humor Quotes: “Of course I don’t look busy, I did it right the first time.” — Scott Adams

Of course I don’t look busy, I did it right the first time.

— Scott Adams


Humor Quotes: “Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.” — Edward De Bono

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

— Edward De Bono


Humor Quotes: “Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.” — Bill Hicks

Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.

— Bill Hicks


Humor Quotes: “When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.” — Voltaire

When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.

— Voltaire


Humor Quotes: “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.” — Groucho Marx

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

— Groucho Marx


Humor Quotes: “Nothing is stronger than habit.” — Ovid

Nothing is stronger than habit.

— Ovid


Humor Quotes: “Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.” — Chris Rock

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

— Chris Rock


Humor Quotes: “Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” — Ellen DeGeneres

Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.

— Ellen DeGeneres


Humor Quotes: “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.” — Steven Wright

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

— Steven Wright


Humor Quotes: “Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.” — Terry Pratchett

Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.

— Terry Pratchett


Humor Quotes: “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’” — Dave Barry

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’

— Dave Barry


Humor Quotes: “Action without thought is mindlessness, and thought without action is hypocritical.” — Ayn Rand

Action without thought is mindlessness, and thought without action is hypocritical.

— Ayn Rand


Humor Quotes: “Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money.” — Robin Williams

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money.

— Robin Williams


Humor Quotes: “I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.” — Galileo Galilei

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.

— Galileo Galilei


Humor Quotes: “A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.” — George Bernard Shaw

A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.

— George Bernard Shaw


Humor Quotes: “Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.” — Steve Martin

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.

— Steve Martin


Humor Quotes: “Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.” — Will Rogers

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.

— Will Rogers


Humor Quotes: “A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.” — Ludwig Wittgenstein

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.

— Ludwig Wittgenstein


Humor Quotes: “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

— George Carlin


Humor Quotes: “Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” — H. L. Mencken

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

— H. L. Mencken


Humor Quotes: “I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.” — Bill Hicks

I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.

— Bill Hicks


Humor Quotes: “When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.” — Steven Wright

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

— Steven Wright


Humor Quotes: “Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.” — Alan Watts

Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.

— Alan Watts


Humor Quotes: “Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen.” — Epictetus

Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen.

— Epictetus


Humor Quotes: “So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.” — Theodore Roosevelt

So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

— Theodore Roosevelt


Humor Quotes: “One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity.” — Bruce Lee

One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity.

— Bruce Lee


Humor Quotes: “They muddy the water, to make it seem deep.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

They muddy the water, to make it seem deep.

— Friedrich Nietzsche


Humor Quotes: “The status quo sucks.” — George Carlin

The status quo sucks.

— George Carlin


Humor Quotes: “First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.” — George Burns

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

— George Burns


Humor Quotes: “Turn your melodrama into a mellow drama.” — Ram Dass

Turn your melodrama into a mellow drama.

— Ram Dass


Humor Quotes: “When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.” — Kurt Vonnegut

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.

— Kurt Vonnegut


Humor Quotes: “Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.” — Susan B. Anthony

Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.

— Susan B. Anthony


Humor Quotes: “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.” — George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

— George Burns


Humor Quotes: “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

— Steven Wright


Humor Quotes: “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” — Robert Bloch

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

— Robert Bloch


Humor Quotes: “The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.” — Robert Louis Stevenson

The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.

— Robert Louis Stevenson

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