Top 100

Top 40 Humor Quotes (2024 Update)

Humor Quotes: “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” — Charles Bukowski
Humor Quotes: “Do what you do best, and outsource the rest.” — Peter F. Drucker
Humor Quotes: “Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.” — Edward De Bono
Humor Quotes: “Of course I don’t look busy, I did it right the first time.” — Scott Adams
Humor Quotes: “Nothing is stronger than habit.” — Ovid

5. “Nothing is stronger than habit.


Also featured in: Habit Quotes

Humor Quotes: “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.” — Groucho Marx
Humor Quotes: “The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.” — David Ogilvy
Humor Quotes: “Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.” — Chris Rock
Humor Quotes: “Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” — Ellen DeGeneres
Humor Quotes: “Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.” — Bill Hicks
Humor Quotes: “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.” — Steven Wright
Humor Quotes: “When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.” — Voltaire
Humor Quotes: “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’” — Dave Barry
Humor Quotes: “Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.” — Terry Pratchett
Humor Quotes: “Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.” — Steve Martin
Humor Quotes: “I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.” — Galileo Galilei
Humor Quotes: “Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money.” — Robin Williams
Humor Quotes: “Action without thought is mindlessness, and thought without action is hypocritical.” — Ayn Rand
Humor Quotes: “A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.” — George Bernard Shaw
Humor Quotes: “Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.” — Will Rogers
Humor Quotes: “First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.” — George Burns
Humor Quotes: “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin
Humor Quotes: “Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” — H. L. Mencken
Humor Quotes: “They muddy the water, to make it seem deep.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Humor Quotes: “A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.” — Ludwig Wittgenstein
Humor Quotes: “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright
Humor Quotes: “Men are disturbed not by the things that happen, but by their opinion of the things that happen.” — Epictetus
Humor Quotes: “One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity.” — Bruce Lee
Humor Quotes: “The status quo sucks.” — George Carlin
Humor Quotes: “I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.” — Bill Hicks
Humor Quotes: “Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.” — Alan Watts
Humor Quotes: “When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.” — Steven Wright
Humor Quotes: “Turn your melodrama into a mellow drama.” — Ram Dass
Humor Quotes: “So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.” — Theodore Roosevelt
Humor Quotes: “When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.” — Kurt Vonnegut
Humor Quotes: “Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.” — Susan B. Anthony
Humor Quotes: “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” — Robert Bloch
Humor Quotes: “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.” — George Burns
Humor Quotes: “The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.” — Robert Louis Stevenson
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