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Top 160 Doug Stanhope Quotes (2026 Update)
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Doug Stanhope Quote: “I’d get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.”

151. “I’d get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you’re sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum, it can feel more like a dinner theater than a live experience.”

152. “Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you’re sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum, it can feel more like a dinner theater than a live experience.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.”

153. “Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “I’m just funnier when I’m drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.”

154. “I’m just funnier when I’m drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.”

155. “The more business gets involved, the less fun it is.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.”

156. “The first five times that you bang someone and the last million times are two different worlds.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “Mutations are exciting, there aren’t nearly enough of them.”

157. “Mutations are exciting, there aren’t nearly enough of them.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “I think it’s probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.”

158. “I think it’s probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “In 20 years of comedy, I’ve probably had a dozen good points.”

159. “In 20 years of comedy, I’ve probably had a dozen good points.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “Comedy can always be taken the wrong way. If I do a bit that is meant to diffuse racism or sexism, Im not going to avoid it on the chance that a small portion of the audience might take it the wrong way.”

160. “Comedy can always be taken the wrong way. If I do a bit that is meant to diffuse racism or sexism, Im not going to avoid it on the chance that a small portion of the audience might take it the wrong way.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “Drugs support terrorism? No, your SUV supports terrorism.”

161. “Drugs support terrorism? No, your SUV supports terrorism.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can’t pelt them with poop.”

162. “If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can’t pelt them with poop.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.”

163. “Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “Here’s the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.”

164. “Here’s the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.”

165. “I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.”

— Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope Quote: “Suicide is another thing that’s so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn’t for everybody. It really isn’t. It’s sad when kids kill themselves ’cause they didn’t really give it a chance, but life is like a movie. If you’ve sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn’t gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early.”

166. “Suicide is another thing that’s so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn’t for everybody. It really isn’t. It’s sad when kids kill themselves ’cause they didn’t really give it a chance, but life is like a movie. If you’ve sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn’t gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early.”

— Doug Stanhope

Motivational Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes

Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes

Positive Quotes

Positive Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes

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Motivational Quotes

INSPIRATIONAL SUCCESS MOTIVATIONAL

Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes

Inspirational Entrepreneurship Quotes

ENTREPRENEURSHIP BUSINESS INSPIRATIONAL

Positive Quotes

Positive Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes

Albert Einstein Quotes

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Steve Jobs Quotes

Steve Jobs Quotes

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Inspirational Quotes

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Swami Vivekananda Quotes

Swami Vivekananda Quotes

LIFE SPIRITUALITY

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