Top 200 Evan Esar Quotes (2025 Update)
Page 2 of 4

51. “Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.”

— Evan Esar

52. “The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.”

— Evan Esar

53. “A man is known by the company he keeps, but a woman is known by the company she keeps waiting.”

— Evan Esar

54. “Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”

— Evan Esar

55. “Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.”

— Evan Esar

56. “A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much.”

— Evan Esar

57. “Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.”

— Evan Esar

58. “Hope is tomorrow’s veneer over today’s disappointment.”

— Evan Esar

59. “Egocentric: A person who has his I’s too close together.”

— Evan Esar

60. “Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it.”

— Evan Esar

61. “All men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with a mighty urge to become otherwise.”

— Evan Esar

62. “A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.”

— Evan Esar

63. “Somebody is always doing something that somebody else said couldn’t be done.”

— Evan Esar

64. “Don’t be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.”

— Evan Esar

65. “A lazy man’s wife is generally the power behind the drone.”

— Evan Esar

66. “Walking isn’t a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.”

— Evan Esar

67. “The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother’s keeper, or his keeper’s brother.”

— Evan Esar

68. “Sometimes the unexpected happens when you don’t expect a person to come up to expectations.”

— Evan Esar

69. “Only one man has the right to boast, and that’s the man who never does.”

— Evan Esar

70. “A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.”

— Evan Esar

71. “Adolescence begins when children stop asking questions-because they know all the answers.”

— Evan Esar

72. “The most uncommon form of intelligence is common sense.”

— Evan Esar

73. “Age brings wisdom to some men, and to others chess.”

— Evan Esar

74. “There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn’t let the stork fly in through the window.”

— Evan Esar

75. “The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you’ve finally learned it, it’s not modern any more.”

— Evan Esar

76. “The diamond is the hardest stone – to get.”

— Evan Esar

77. “Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.”

— Evan Esar

78. “You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don’t need it.”

— Evan Esar

79. “There’s only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.”

— Evan Esar

80. “With a braggart, it’s no sooner done than said.”

— Evan Esar

81. “Charm is to a woman what perfume is to a flower.”

— Evan Esar

82. “A signature always reveals a man’s character – and sometimes even his name.”

— Evan Esar

83. “It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.”

— Evan Esar

84. “An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.”

— Evan Esar

85. “In elections, the undecided vote is usually the deciding factor.”

— Evan Esar

86. “The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.”

— Evan Esar

87. “America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.”

— Evan Esar

88. “Canada’s climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.”

— Evan Esar

89. “A corporation has all the powers and privileges of an individual: all it lacks is a conscience.”

— Evan Esar

90. “A man picks a wife about the same way an apple picks a farmer.”

— Evan Esar

91. “A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.”

— Evan Esar

92. “Many a man works himself to death by burying himself in his work.”

— Evan Esar

93. “The only medicine that needs no prescription, has no unpleasant taste, and costs no money is laughter.”

— Evan Esar

94. “A compromise is a settlement by which each side gets what neither side wanted.”

— Evan Esar

95. “Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.”

— Evan Esar

96. “The trouble with the world is that laziness is seldom curable and never fatal.”

— Evan Esar

97. “The Lord takes care of his own, but church trustees still put lightning rods on the steeple.”

— Evan Esar

98. “Communism is a form of government under which every citizen at election time enjoys the privilege of voting Yes.”

— Evan Esar

99. “Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.”

— Evan Esar

100. “The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.”

— Evan Esar