Top 200 Evan Esar Quotes (2025 Update)
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101. “Do a little more every day than you are expected to do, and soon you will be expected to do more.”

— Evan Esar

102. “Common sense is usually lack of imagination, and imagination is usually lack of common sense.”

— Evan Esar

103. “After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.”

— Evan Esar

104. “Compare what you want with what you have, and you’ll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you’ll be happy.”

— Evan Esar

105. “Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor’s new one.”

— Evan Esar

106. “The little boy who goes to the store and forgets what his mother sent him for, will probably grow up to be a congressman.”

— Evan Esar

107. “Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.”

— Evan Esar

108. “Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.”

— Evan Esar

109. “You can’t judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.”

— Evan Esar

110. “Many a husband lives to regret the extravagant fee he bestowed upon the minister who sentenced him.”

— Evan Esar

111. “An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.”

— Evan Esar

112. “Consistency is a jewel, but too much jewelry is vulgar.”

— Evan Esar

113. “In Congress the majority governs, but the minority rules.”

— Evan Esar

114. “Many an actor does the stage more ham than good.”

— Evan Esar

115. “A wedding is the formality a man has to go through before going to work for a new boss.”

— Evan Esar

116. “The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.”

— Evan Esar

117. “Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.”

— Evan Esar

118. “Every bride and groom would do well to remember that in wedding, the we comes before the I.”

— Evan Esar

119. “Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery; nowadays it is called moonlighting.”

— Evan Esar

120. “Under dictatorship, the people in prison are always superior to the people who put them there.”

— Evan Esar

121. “Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.”

— Evan Esar

122. “A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.”

— Evan Esar

123. “Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.”

— Evan Esar

124. “Don’t tear your hair out over a woman; it’ll be harder to attract the next one if you’re bald.”

— Evan Esar

125. “After wisdom comes wit.”

— Evan Esar

126. “Many a girl who can’t dance well makes up for it during intermission.”

— Evan Esar

127. “Las Vegas is a resort whose two chief sources of income are seven and eleven.”

— Evan Esar

128. “Congress would give the people what they wanted if the people knew what they wanted, and if Congress could give it to them.”

— Evan Esar

129. “A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always start with the germ of an idea.”

— Evan Esar

130. “The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.”

— Evan Esar

131. “The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.”

— Evan Esar

132. “Admiration: Our feeling of delight that another person resembles us.”

— Evan Esar

133. “A good loser is all right, but it isn’t so much fun to beat him.”

— Evan Esar

134. “The reason why men who mind their own business succeed is that they have so little competition.”

— Evan Esar

135. “Lecturers should remember that the capacity of the mind to absorb is limited to what the seat can endure.”

— Evan Esar

136. “A woman is always ready to describe another woman as charming, but only if the other woman is not charming.”

— Evan Esar

137. “A creature that never cries over spilt milk: a cat.”

— Evan Esar

138. “A bore finds it easy to start talking, and even easier to get others to stop listening.”

— Evan Esar

139. “Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.”

— Evan Esar

140. “An actor is a man with an infinite capacity for taking praise.”

— Evan Esar

141. “The only thing more certain than the hatred of enemies is the envy of friends.”

— Evan Esar

142. “When laziness attacks a woman, it always avoids her tongue.”

— Evan Esar

143. “It’s not the loss of life that makes the death bitter – it’s the obituaries.”

— Evan Esar

144. “You can tell a man’s taste in literature by his judgment in knowing what not to read.”

— Evan Esar

145. “Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.”

— Evan Esar

146. “The cat: an animal that’s so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.”

— Evan Esar

147. “A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.”

— Evan Esar

148. “The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn’t trying to reform her husband.”

— Evan Esar

149. “A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her – as long as it’s a diamond.”

— Evan Esar

150. “Some people would never get any exercise at all if they didn’t have to walk to their cars.”

— Evan Esar