Top 180 Karl Pilkington Quotes (2025 Update)
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51. “Fishing: I don’t really like it. I don’t really like the expression on the fish’s face.”

— Karl Pilkington

52. “I’m really happy. I just don’t choose to show it.”

— Karl Pilkington

53. “Now sometimes I don’t know if I feel well. Because I’ve been in my body for years.”

— Karl Pilkington

54. “We came from the sea originally, now we’re going back in it. Don’t go in it, unless you’re in a boat.”

— Karl Pilkington

55. “I’m just sayin’, I don’t like fun.”

— Karl Pilkington

56. “Avocados, it’s a food that ain’t worth injuring yourself for. If it’s a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.”

— Karl Pilkington

57. “I was still using my eyes even though I had them shut.”

— Karl Pilkington

58. “There’s fish in here that I’ve read about that are so see-through that they’re invisible. So I don’t even think they know they exist.”

— Karl Pilkington

59. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this lost, even in Wales.”

— Karl Pilkington

60. “By 78 you’ve done everything you’re going to do. If you haven’t bungee-jumped by the time you’re 78 you’re not going to do it.”

— Karl Pilkington

61. “I really can’t believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.”

— Karl Pilkington

62. “I always have a problem liking things I’m told I should like.”

— Karl Pilkington

63. “If you’re not happy looking a knob in the face, there’s something wrong.”

— Karl Pilkington

64. “I’d say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they’re meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about.”

— Karl Pilkington

65. “The Tudors, I don’t even know if I had a family back then.”

— Karl Pilkington

66. “So you’re sayin that it’s easy to send somat up to space, but you don’t believe there’s a little banana machine?”

— Karl Pilkington

67. “Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity? Me family does me ’ed in after one day at xmas, I’d rather be mush.”

— Karl Pilkington

68. “I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.”

— Karl Pilkington

69. “You don’t have to do it straight away, but just do it before it gets really bad.”

— Karl Pilkington

70. “I’ve never won many awards, I didn’t get certificates for swimming or anything.”

— Karl Pilkington

71. “I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that’s all you can do in life, really.”

— Karl Pilkington

72. “If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?”

— Karl Pilkington

73. “What’s that plate that’s above a saucer but below a plate?”

— Karl Pilkington

74. “Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched ‘University Challenge.’ The onion was probably the highlight.”

— Karl Pilkington

75. “They do it in Thai restaurants in London. You ask for a drink, and it comes in a glass with loads of seaweed and pebbles in it like a scene from Finding Nemo.”

— Karl Pilkington

76. “I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla’s just sat there doing nowt.”

— Karl Pilkington

77. “If you’d have told me five years ago that I’d have done all this – two books, some television and everything – I’d panic, I’d be scared.”

— Karl Pilkington

78. “I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.”

— Karl Pilkington

79. “I think it’s clever how Rome have kept a load of old stuff. There’s no overheads, yet people are going over there to see it.”

— Karl Pilkington

80. “If you had five photos of anuses, I could not point mine out.”

— Karl Pilkington

81. “I don’t watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that’s in there.”

— Karl Pilkington

82. “And we’ve got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.”

— Karl Pilkington

83. “That’s the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.”

— Karl Pilkington

84. “I don’t think I’d be a very good parent. I’d be too honest.”

— Karl Pilkington

85. “I’ve learnt that, even though I’ve travelled about, I haven’t changed that much.”

— Karl Pilkington

86. “The Web is the new book though, innit?”

— Karl Pilkington

87. “We’ll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I’m saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it’s like, ‘Well that’s life, things will come and go, we’ll find new species.’”

— Karl Pilkington

88. “If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you’re not used to spending that much time with people.”

— Karl Pilkington

89. “I’ve heard that we’re constantly shedding skin and it is totally replaced every seven years. So every seven years you’re a different person. That’s why people get the seven-year itch and stop getting on with their partner – it’s because they’re a different person.”

— Karl Pilkington

90. “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’. Unless it’s polio.”

— Karl Pilkington

91. “People always tell me I’m going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option?”

— Karl Pilkington

92. “If you don’t sleep you get run down. Sloths never get a flu, cos its good innit thats when your body’s replemishing.”

— Karl Pilkington

93. “With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one.”

— Karl Pilkington

94. “I’m not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn’t really changed.”

— Karl Pilkington

95. “I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.”

— Karl Pilkington

96. “Where you are is what you eat. When I’m in London I’ll have beans on toast for lunch. On holiday – what? Tapas? Go on then I’ll have a bit. You eat whatevers in that area.”

— Karl Pilkington

97. “We’ve invented most of the stuff that we need and now we’re just messing about.”

— Karl Pilkington

98. “The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can’t relate to it. I think most people got into ’cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn’t required as much.”

— Karl Pilkington

99. “Classes teaching you how to breathe. I’m 32, I think I’ve got the hang of it.”

— Karl Pilkington

100. “Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.”

— Karl Pilkington