Top 150 Norm MacDonald Quotes (2025 Update)
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51. “I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and I like a parade. I always like a parade. So, I go there, and it turns out, it’s just a bunch of gay guys.”

— Norm MacDonald

52. “The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.”

— Norm MacDonald

53. “I don’t know anything about politics. I wouldn’t put too much into my prediction on politics.”

— Norm MacDonald

54. “There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.”

— Norm MacDonald

55. “I started on ‘Saturday Night Live’ the same time Conan started on Late Night. We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn’t get a guest – which was often back then since he was just starting out – he would just call me down to be a guest.”

— Norm MacDonald

56. “Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they’re good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I’m really interested. And, then, uh, there’s one point, that all of a sudden I’m bored. You know? I just lose interest completely and I feel deeply ashamed.”

— Norm MacDonald

57. “Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.”

— Norm MacDonald

58. “It is better to be idle than employed in ill.”

— Norm MacDonald

59. “There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.”

— Norm MacDonald

60. “Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.”

— Norm MacDonald

61. “Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.”

— Norm MacDonald

62. “I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can’t stay in the same place. People think you’re a loser.”

— Norm MacDonald

63. “I like doing a funny show where I don’t have to act and fall in love with a girl.”

— Norm MacDonald

64. “We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.”

— Norm MacDonald

65. “None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.”

— Norm MacDonald

66. “The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.”

— Norm MacDonald

67. “It is the folly of weak-minded people, to imagine they are what flattery or conceit represents them; and that it is useless for them to be what they are not, since they seem already to have acquired the reputation of it.”

— Norm MacDonald

68. “Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.”

— Norm MacDonald

69. “With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.”

— Norm MacDonald

70. “There’s no such thing, of course, as an old-fashioned gay guy. They’re the most decadent people.”

— Norm MacDonald

71. “I’m not gay, so I don’t know much about Broadway musicals.”

— Norm MacDonald

72. “A lot of people think I’m difficult to work with. It’s not like I really want to do that much stuff, so it doesn’t really matter. I guess I’m somewhat difficult when it comes to comedy.”

— Norm MacDonald

73. “I don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.”

— Norm MacDonald

74. “Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.”

— Norm MacDonald

75. “Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at ’em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y’know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.”

— Norm MacDonald

76. “We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.”

— Norm MacDonald

77. “A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.”

— Norm MacDonald

78. “This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.”

— Norm MacDonald

79. “The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.”

— Norm MacDonald

80. “Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.”

— Norm MacDonald

81. “When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren’t in very good shape.”

— Norm MacDonald

82. “The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.”

— Norm MacDonald

83. “If you’re looking for the suspect in a suicide bombing, here’s a clue: Look for the dead guy.”

— Norm MacDonald

84. “The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.”

— Norm MacDonald

85. “In love, we are best pleased when we please others.”

— Norm MacDonald

86. “Now that all hope is gone, a deep relief has taken its place, and I allow myself to enjoy it before the despair sets in.”

— Norm MacDonald

87. “A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.”

— Norm MacDonald

88. “Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.”

— Norm MacDonald

89. “In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.”

— Norm MacDonald

90. “Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.”

— Norm MacDonald

91. “There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.”

— Norm MacDonald

92. “It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.”

— Norm MacDonald

93. “It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.”

— Norm MacDonald

94. “Some men mistake generosity for charity: these flatter themselves that they are giving gratuitously, whilst they are merely rewarding secret services offered their vanity.”

— Norm MacDonald

95. “It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.”

— Norm MacDonald

96. “You can’t love your team without hating another team.”

— Norm MacDonald

97. “A proper disposition of time leaves a man at leisure in the very bustle of affairs; without delaying the attention of his concerns to the last or giving them unnecessary application at first: it affords a season for everything by affording everything its proper season.”

— Norm MacDonald

98. “All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.”

— Norm MacDonald

99. “A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.”

— Norm MacDonald

100. “The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.”

— Norm MacDonald