Top 160 Ogden Nash Quotes (2025 Update)
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51. “The reason for much matrimony is patrimony.”

— Ogden Nash

52. “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.”

— Ogden Nash

53. “Humor is the best means of surviving in a difficult world.”

— Ogden Nash

54. “An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.”

— Ogden Nash

55. “Basketball, a game which won’t be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.”

— Ogden Nash

56. “Nobody agrees with anybody else anyhow, but adults conceal it and infants show it.”

— Ogden Nash

57. “The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually beomes a cat.”

— Ogden Nash

58. “Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won’t buy, but it’s very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?”

— Ogden Nash

59. “But all ladies think they weigh too much.”

— Ogden Nash

60. “I test my bath before I sit, And I’m always moved to wonderment That what chills the finger not a bit Is so frigid upon the fundament.”

— Ogden Nash

61. “I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He’s a lush and she’s a shrew.”

— Ogden Nash

62. “Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!”

— Ogden Nash

63. “One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If one’s own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.”

— Ogden Nash

64. “Too much Chablis can make you whablis.”

— Ogden Nash

65. “The camel has a single hump, The dromedary, two; Or else the other way around; I’m never sure. Are you?”

— Ogden Nash

66. “Good wine needs no bush, and perhaps products that people really want need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.”

— Ogden Nash

67. “Don’t Cry Darling, It’s Blood All Right.”

— Ogden Nash

68. “At another year I would not boggle Except that when I jog I joggle.”

— Ogden Nash

69. “When a lady’s erotic life is vexed God knows what God is coming next.”

— Ogden Nash

70. “Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.”

— Ogden Nash

71. “A dog’s best friend is his illiteracy.”

— Ogden Nash

72. “One man’s remorse is another man’s reminiscence.”

— Ogden Nash

73. “If called by a panther, don’t anther.”

— Ogden Nash

74. “How confusing the beams from memory’s lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?”

— Ogden Nash

75. “Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.”

— Ogden Nash

76. “Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore, And that’s what parents were created for.”

— Ogden Nash

77. “Every new year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?”

— Ogden Nash

78. “The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.”

— Ogden Nash

79. “Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer.”

— Ogden Nash

80. “Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord’s anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can’t get your fingers on him.”

— Ogden Nash

81. “Then here’s to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.”

— Ogden Nash

82. “Humor is hope’s companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.”

— Ogden Nash

83. “A bit of talcum Is always walcum.”

— Ogden Nash

84. “Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.”

— Ogden Nash

85. “Neath tile or thatch That man is rich Who has a scratch For every itch.”

— Ogden Nash

86. “A dressing is not a compote A dressing is not a custard It consists of pepper and salt, Vinegar, oil and mustard.”

— Ogden Nash

87. “When I ponder my mind I consistently find It is glued On food.”

— Ogden Nash

88. “The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take, If the tax-collector hasn’t got it before I wake.”

— Ogden Nash

89. “I could not eat a kangaroo. But many fine Australians do. Those with cookbooks as well as boomerangs Prefer him in tasty kangaroo-meringues.”

— Ogden Nash

90. “Don’t over-analyze your marriage; it’s like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.”

— Ogden Nash

91. “Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector’s pup; I So, presently, must I.”

— Ogden Nash

92. “I’d rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet.”

— Ogden Nash

93. “Women would rather be right than reasonable.”

— Ogden Nash

94. “But children, hark! Your mother would rather, When you arrived, have been your father.”

— Ogden Nash

95. “And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.”

— Ogden Nash

96. “Linguistics becomes an ever eerier area, like I feel like I’m in Oz, Just trying to tell it like it was.”

— Ogden Nash

97. “The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.”

— Ogden Nash

98. “A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.”

— Ogden Nash

99. “Smallpox is natural; vaccine ain’t.”

— Ogden Nash

100. “Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.”

— Ogden Nash