Top 160 Ogden Nash Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.”

— Ogden Nash

102. “O money, money, money. I’m not necessarily one of those who think thee holy, but I often stop to wonder how thou canst go out so fast when thou comest in so slowly.”

— Ogden Nash

103. “Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.”

— Ogden Nash

104. “So Columbus said, somebody show me the sunset and somebody did and he set sail for it, And he discovered America and they put him in jail for it, And the fetters gave him welts, And they named America after somebody else.”

— Ogden Nash

105. “A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.”

— Ogden Nash

106. “In real life, it takes only one to make a quarrel.”

— Ogden Nash

107. “A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.”

— Ogden Nash

108. “Some people’s money is merited and other people’s is inherited.”

— Ogden Nash

109. “Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.”

— Ogden Nash

110. “Your hair may be brushed, but your mind’s untidy. You’ve had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You’re sunk from a riot of relaxation.”

— Ogden Nash

111. “Miranda in Miranda’s sight is old, gray and dirty; Twenty-nine she was last night; This morning she is thirty.”

— Ogden Nash

112. “The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions.”

— Ogden Nash

113. “There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, ‘Why pick on my eyes? It’s my heart that dictates my decision.’”

— Ogden Nash

114. “The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.”

— Ogden Nash

115. “Maybe I couldn’t be dafter, But I keep wondering if this time we settle our differences before a war instead of after.”

— Ogden Nash

116. “Poets arent very usefulBecause they aren’t consumeful or produceful...”

— Ogden Nash

117. “How Sunday into Monday melts!”

— Ogden Nash

118. “The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker.”

— Ogden Nash

119. “Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here’s a typewriter, here’s a stencil, here’s a list of today’s appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures – take them, George, they’re yours!”

— Ogden Nash

120. “There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I’m afraid it’s heading in the wrong direction.”

— Ogden Nash

121. “Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.”

— Ogden Nash

122. “Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.”

— Ogden Nash

123. “Life has a tendency to obfuscate and bewilder, Such as fating us to spend the first part of our lives being embarrassed by our parents and the last part being embarrassed by our children.”

— Ogden Nash

124. “Sure deck your lower limbs in pants; Yours are the limbs, my sweeting. You look divine as you advance– Have you seen yourself retreating?”

— Ogden Nash

125. “The sky is now indelible ink, The branches reft asunder; But you and I we do not shrink; We love the lovely thunder.”

— Ogden Nash

126. “To love is an active verb.”

— Ogden Nash

127. “I think progress began to retrogress when Wilbur and Orville started tinkering around in Dayton and at Kitty Hawk, because I believe that two Wrights made a wrong.”

— Ogden Nash

128. “The doctor gets you when you’re born, The preacher, when you marry, And the lawyer lurks with costly clerks If too much on you carry. Professional men, they have no cares; Whatever happens, they get theirs.”

— Ogden Nash

129. “A bird in the open never looks Like its picture in the birdie books – Or if it once did, it has changed its plumage, And plunges you back into ignorant gloomage.”

— Ogden Nash

130. “The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.”

— Ogden Nash

131. “I don’t mind their having a lot of money, and I don’t care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.”

— Ogden Nash

132. “O thrice unhappy home Whose master doesn’t know the difference between a watt and an ohm!”

— Ogden Nash

133. “To maintain your marriage brimming, with really like in the wedding cup, anytime you are incorrect, admit it each time you’re proper, shut up.”

— Ogden Nash

134. “You are much happier when you are happy than when you ain’t.”

— Ogden Nash

135. “A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.”

— Ogden Nash

136. “There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it’s the gin.”

— Ogden Nash

137. “Remorse is violent dyspepsia of the mind.”

— Ogden Nash

138. “I believe that people believe what they believe they believe.”

— Ogden Nash

139. “He without benefit of scruples – His fun and money soon quadruples.”

— Ogden Nash

140. “A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.”

— Ogden Nash

141. “We love the kindly wind and hail, The jolly thunderbolt, We watch in glee the fairy trail Of ampere, watt, and volt.”

— Ogden Nash

142. “Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?”

— Ogden Nash

143. “I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.”

— Ogden Nash

144. “Then blessings on thee, my afternoon torpor Thou makest a prince of a mental porpor.”

— Ogden Nash

145. “All that glitters is sold as gold.”

— Ogden Nash

146. “All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.”

— Ogden Nash

147. “They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they’ve heard of unemployment and they’ve heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.”

— Ogden Nash

148. “Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how. Some people think they will eventually wear diamonds instead of rhinestones Only by everlastingly keeping their noses to their ghrinestones.”

— Ogden Nash

149. “Why did the Lord give use so much quickness unless it was to avoid responsibility?”

— Ogden Nash

150. “To Tom Carlson or his dog-depending on whose taste it best suits.”

— Ogden Nash