Top 160 Oliver Markus Malloy Quotes (2026 Update)
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51. “No two dogs are alike. And yet, all dogs have something in common that makes them dogs, and makes them different from cats. The same goes for men and women. The trouble starts when cats don’t realize that dogs are different. Dogs think differently, and perceive the world differently, than cats do. I’m a dog. You’re a cat. And a dog knows better what it’s like to be a dog than a cat does.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

52. “Americans like to buy things they don’t need, with money they don’t have, to impress people they don’t like. And then they wonder why they’re not happy.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

53. “Albert Einstein agreed with Karl Marx. That’s why Einstein was a socialist too.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

54. “Dear poor white people, I have bad news for you: super rich white people are not your friends. They became super rich by exploiting people like you. That’s not what friends do.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

55. “Creativity takes courage. It takes courage to bare your soul for the world. It’s like taking off your armor, although you know people have pointy sticks that they love to jab into soft flesh.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

56. “Democrats suck at coming up with catchy propaganda slogans, because they don’t think like Nazis.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

57. “Everything we men do, everything we men have done for the past 100,000 years, is all about attracting a mate. When a guy tries to impress a girl with his fancy car, or his expensive suit, or his gold watch, or his flashy shirt at the club, or he flexes his biceps, or brags about how much money he makes, he’s doing the same thing that animals have done for millions of years. Like a peacock, he’s trying to make himself desirable and to attract a mate.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

58. “Right now we live in an age of extreme Political Correctness. It has gone way too far. I hope it’s just a phase. Political Correctness is now just a fancy word for censorship. It’s no longer about protecting the weak. It has become an excuse to persecute others, because persecuting people is fun. Don’t you dare say or think the wrong thing, or a Twitter mob of angry villagers will come after you with digital torches and metaphorical pitchforks.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

59. “Dear Trumptards, so how are you enjoying the beginning of World War 3 so far? Is it all you hoped it would be?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

60. “Make racism wrong again.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

61. “Patriotism is a gateway drug to fascism. Tribalism is the gateway to racism.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

62. “Would three boobs be better than two?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

63. “Fun Fact: You know who invented the term Fake News? Not Trump. It was Hitler. Look it up. Hitler loved to describe any newspaper that exposed him for what he was as Luegenpresse, which is German for Fake News.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

64. “Next time a little edgelord comments “OK boomer” to troll you, just troll him right back and reply with “I bet you like chicken nuggets.” All small children like chicken nuggets.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

65. “It’s not the Illuminati or Free Masons or Lizard Aliens who control everything. It’s the Republican Conspiracy that controls and manipulates you with their lies.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

66. “I think there’s something seriously wrong with a society that thinks it’s wrong to tell the truth, because it could potentially hurt someone’s feelings. You’re not doing anyone any favors if you don’t allow snowflakes to develop coping skills, by shielding them from uncomfortable thoughts.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

67. “Nationalism among nations is like racism among races. Racism and nationalism are forms of tribalism. Tribalism always, always leads to war. Why? Because every nation thinks they’re superior to other nations, and their own self-interest is more important than the self-interest of other nations.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

68. “Republican ideology in a nutshell: Some of you will die but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

69. “It’s so exhausting, so mentally and emotionally draining when you care about a drug addict and they never miss an opportunity to disappoint, manipulate or hurt you.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

70. “Many fundamentalist Christian Evangelicals are racist because religion and racism are two sides of the same coin. Both are nothing more than primitive tribalism: Us vs Them thinking. That’s why religious nuts and racists can so easily be manipulated into hating someone who is different from them.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

71. “I bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like: “Damn, that name is way cooler.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

72. “When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they’re black, that’s racism. When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they’re female, that’s sexism. When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they’re a leo, that’s astrology. Notice a pattern? It’s all nonsense.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

73. “Hitler loved to describe any newspaper that exposed him for what he was as Luegenpresse, which is German for Fake News.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

74. “People don’t believe in God because it’s true, but because they were the victims of early childhood indoctrination.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

75. “Televangelists preach a corrupted perversion of Christ’s socialist teachings. Prosperity gospel is predatory capitalism masquerading as religion.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

76. “Worshipping a cross is no different than worshipping a tree, a rock, or the stars.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

77. “Sin more! Otherwise Jesus died for nothing.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

78. “When the rest of the world watches the news from America, they see a third world dumpster fire. A failed state.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

79. “Trump’s most fanatic supporters will never admit that he is anything less than the Second Coming of Christ, because it is much easier to brainwash someone into being a zealot than it is to make a zealot realize he has been brainwashed.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

80. “Apparently Trump voters think God meant for marriage to be between a man, his third wife, and several porn stars.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

81. “Do flat-earthers believe that other planets are also flat?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

82. “It would appear that a lot of people out there are hiding their own dark, socially unacceptable sexual fantasies behind a facade of fake indignant outrage when someone else gets caught with their pants down.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

83. “Don’t worry about offending people. Any time you write something thought provoking, some idiots will complain, because they hate it when you make them think.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

84. “No, coronavirus is not just the flu. Covid19 is highly contagious pneumonia. Left untreated pneumonia is often deadly. There are not enough hospitals to treat a pneumonia pandemic.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

85. “Why do women love to read about sexually aggressive billionaire bad boy alpha males but condemn the same behavior in real life?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

86. “Never trust a Republican.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

87. “You have not had any privacy since the first day you owned your first cell phone. They can track everything. They can hear recordings of anything you have ever said on your cell. And read everything you ever read, and everything you ever typed. And see every location you’ve ever been to. That’s just how cells work. Your privacy is a willful illusion.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

88. “If you’re afraid to leave the house unless you’re armed, you don’t need a gun, you need a psychiatrist.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

89. “No, guns were not meant for overthrowing a tyrannical government. Guns were for protecting the tyrannical government against Native Americans and slave uprisings.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

90. “You’re not the butcher, selling sausages. You’re the cow, pre-sausage.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

91. “People have always been vain. Can you imagine what it was like when some guy invented the first mirror? Maidens probably spent all day and night just staring at their own reflection in the dim candle light of their drafty castle tower, back when the first mirrors were cutting edge technology.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

92. “The difference between a writer and an author: Writers call each other writers. Readers call writers authors.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

93. “If you like war, be a nationalist. If you like peace, be a citizen of the world.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

94. “I think there is only one way the Covid-19 pandemic is gonna end: The immune will live. The rest will die. We might lose a 5th of the world population.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

95. “2020 books, 2020 quotes, trumpvirus, insurrection, capitol attack, domestic terrorism, trumpism, twitter quotes, trump twitter quotes, january 6th.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

96. “Every couple of days, western news outlets report the latest findings as if it was brand new information. Meanwhile the same stuff has been published in Chinese studies weeks or even months ago. We’re wasting so much valuable time reinventing the wheel.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

97. “This, today, right now, will seem like the good old days in 2 weeks. Things are about to get a hell of a lot worse.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

98. “Dear millennials: Youth is fleeting. Stupid is forever.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

99. “Coronavirus needs a better name. Something bad ass, like the Black Plague. I’m thinking Airborne Aids. Or Flying Herpes.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

100. “Ever since peasants worked themselves to death to build a pyramid for the Pharaoh, the rich ruling class has sucked the life out of the poor.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy