Top 160 Oliver Markus Malloy Quotes (2025 Update)
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101. “Claiming to be offended is a great way to elevate yourself at the expense of others: “Look at me! I’m a much better person than you! And I judge you! I condemn you! Shame! Shame! SHAME!”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

102. “Trump’s most fanatic supporters will never admit that he is anything less than the Second Coming of Christ, because it is much easier to brainwash someone into being a zealot than it is to make a zealot realize he has been brainwashed.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

103. “The NRA brainwashes you into believing that you need to buy a bunch of guns, to protect yourself from all the people with guns.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

104. “Apparently Trump voters think God meant for marriage to be between a man, his third wife, and several porn stars.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

105. “Televangelists preach a corrupted perversion of Christ’s socialist teachings. Prosperity gospel is predatory capitalism masquerading as religion.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

106. “What is evil? Causing others to suffer out of malice.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

107. “Why are so many Americans for male circumcision but against female circumcision? Both are equally cruel and barbaric traditions.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

108. “Stop calling yourself an authoress. You sound like an idiotess.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

109. “Our entire life we chase the wrong things because we think having more money and buying more stuff will make us more happy. But it doesn’t. You know why a billionaire has 100 Ferraris? Because 99 weren’t enough.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

110. “If Hitler was alive today he’d be a Republican.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

111. “It’s pretty simple: If we don’t unite behind Biden, Trump wins. Biden may not be everything we want, but Trump is nothing we want.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

112. “Would Jesus build a wall? Would Mother Teresa? No, of course not. They would welcome the refugees and give them free universal healthcare.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

113. “Every couple of days, western news outlets report the latest findings as if it was brand new information. Meanwhile the same stuff has been published in Chinese studies weeks or even months ago. We’re wasting so much valuable time reinventing the wheel.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

114. “Most anti-science religious fundamentalist is now in charge of America’s biggest science project.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

115. “If it’s true that men and women can be ‘just friends’ then how come all cheaters first start out as ’just friends?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

116. “If Hollywood was a Republican town, Weinstein would still be president, and he’d still be molesting women.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

117. “Self-identify your gender? Why not self-identify your species, too? I’m a dog now.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

118. “Ever since peasants worked themselves to death to build a pyramid for the Pharaoh, the rich ruling class has sucked the life out of the poor.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

119. “Never forget that the orange clown spent the past 2 months telling us that it’s all just a hoax, and just a flu, instead of preparing the country for the pandemic. The medical supply shortages, and the resulting deaths are Trump’s fault.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

120. “So they tell you to buy stuff. More and more and more stuff. Even if you don’t need any more stuff, buy more stuff! Because capitalism is like a pyramid scheme. It must constantly grow, constantly shovel more money to the top, like a sand monster feeding itself sand, or it dies.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

121. “If Fifty Shades is your idea of a good book, you have no idea what a good book is.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

122. “I liked the ending of The Sopranos. The screen suddenly went black. In the middle of a scene. Without any of the plotlines being resolved. That’s what real life is like. Everything keeps going, until someone turns off the lights and you’re dead. And even then the story continues, without you. There is no such thing as a happy ending.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

123. “Everyone thinks they’re entitled to their 15 minutes of fame. And it’s that narcissism that makes people, who have no business writing a book, think they can write a book.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

124. “Trump’s MAGA minions live in a Fox News bubble.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

125. “People don’t believe in God because it’s true, but because they were the victims of early childhood indoctrination.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

126. “The NRA kills more Americans than Muslim terrorists do.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

127. “You know what I love about writing non-fiction? The story is already there. I just have to write it down.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

128. “Why is it so hard for many erotica authors to admit that erotica is porn? Everyone loves porn!”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

129. “North Korea, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, isn’t democratic. The Nazis, the National Socialists, weren’t socialists. And America isn’t the land of the free. It’s all just clever nationalist marketing.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

130. “Medical studies have shown that cursing reduces levels of stress and pain. Repressing your anger is not healthy. It’s much better to verbalize it, and let off steam. Maybe all that repressed anger is the reason why there are so many serial killers in America.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

131. “Hitler’s Nazi mob didn’t think of themselves as the bad guys. They thought of themselves as the victims of evil foreigners. Just like Trump’s MAGA mob.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

132. “Trump only cares how the covid-19 pandemic affects him, his bank account, and his chances of getting re-elected.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

133. “What is love? Love is when your heart has a raging boner.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

134. “While the senate goes on spring break during a deadly pandemic, they’re telling us peasants to go back to work, because the billionaires need more billions.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

135. “America is like an isolated information island. A lot of what happens in the rest of the world, a lot of the cultural exchange, never makes it to rural Alabama.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

136. “Introverts think about more than just being introverts.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

137. “When we’re really old, people in the future will interview us, because we lived through one of the biggest events in human history. Like the Spanish flu of 1918 that killed over 50 million people. Or the great depression. Or Pompeii. Or the Titanic.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

138. “Ten short years ago, nobody had ever heard of a selfie. But today every decent cell phone has not one but two cameras, so you can take idiotic duck face pictures. And don’t forget the billion dollar selfie-stick industry. Capitalism has found a whole new way to turn our vanity into profit.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

139. “Wanna sound smart and witty? Then quote smart and witty people.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

140. “People looked at him as an orange-faced evil clown with silly hair. Like the Joker in Batman comics. Make Gotham great again!”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

141. “Trump voters hate my books. They can’t stand it when a book makes them think.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

142. “The Wall is nothing more than a talking point Trump uses to trigger his racist and xenophobic base. MAGA minions have been brainwashed by Nazi propaganda techniques to see foreigners as evil monsters who want to exterminate white America, and Trump as their protector who was sent by God.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

143. “Sometimes conspiracy theories are true. Most of the time they’re not.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

144. “Bush warned us about pandemics in 2005. I used to think he was the dumbest, most incompetent president ever. But compared to Trump, Bush looks like Einstein.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

145. “If everything Fox News says about liberals were actually true, I’d hate liberals too.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

146. “Most Nazis, KKK members, MAGA minions, and other deplorable racists don’t even know they’re racists, because they don’t know that the malicious lies they believe about other races aren’t actually true.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

147. “The fictitious men in romance novels are as fake and imaginary as vampires. They’re not real.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

148. “Claiming to be offended is a great way to elevate yourself at the expense of others: “Look at me! I’m a much better person than you! And I judge you! I condemn you! Shame! Shame! SHAME!” These social media shamings bear an uncanny resemblance to medieval witch hunts.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

149. “Pro tip: If you can’t think of anything more interesting to post on social media than a picture of your cup of coffee, you are boring and you have nothing interesting to say.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

150. “I think future generations are going to look back at our time period and call this the Age of Narcissism.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy