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Top 160 Oliver Markus Malloy Quotes (2026 Update)
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Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “What is love? Love is when your heart has a raging boner.”

101. “What is love? Love is when your heart has a raging boner.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Self-identify your gender? Why not self-identify your species, too? I’m a dog now.”

102. “Self-identify your gender? Why not self-identify your species, too? I’m a dog now.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “If you’ve never had actual freedom, you don’t miss it. You can’t miss what you’ve never had.”

103. “If you’ve never had actual freedom, you don’t miss it. You can’t miss what you’ve never had.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Capitalism is cruelty for money.”

104. “Capitalism is cruelty for money.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Don’t worry about offending people. Any time you write something thought provoking, some idiots will complain, because they hate it when you make them think.”

105. “Don’t worry about offending people. Any time you write something thought provoking, some idiots will complain, because they hate it when you make them think.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Owning a gun proves “In God we trust” is a lie. If you actually trusted in God, you wouldn’t feel like you need a gun.”

106. “Owning a gun proves “In God we trust” is a lie. If you actually trusted in God, you wouldn’t feel like you need a gun.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “No, coronavirus is not just the flu. Covid19 is highly contagious pneumonia. Left untreated pneumonia is often deadly. There are not enough hospitals to treat a pneumonia pandemic.”

107. “No, coronavirus is not just the flu. Covid19 is highly contagious pneumonia. Left untreated pneumonia is often deadly. There are not enough hospitals to treat a pneumonia pandemic.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Why do women love to read about sexually aggressive billionaire bad boy alpha males but condemn the same behavior in real life?”

108. “Why do women love to read about sexually aggressive billionaire bad boy alpha males but condemn the same behavior in real life?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Even if there were no more books published ever, there are still more books in existence today than anyone can read. And most of them suck. Good luck trying to find a good one. It’s like finding a needle in a hay stack.”

109. “Even if there were no more books published ever, there are still more books in existence today than anyone can read. And most of them suck. Good luck trying to find a good one. It’s like finding a needle in a hay stack.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “You have not had any privacy since the first day you owned your first cell phone. They can track everything. They can hear recordings of anything you have ever said on your cell. And read everything you ever read, and everything you ever typed. And see every location you’ve ever been to. That’s just how cells work. Your privacy is a willful illusion.”

110. “You have not had any privacy since the first day you owned your first cell phone. They can track everything. They can hear recordings of anything you have ever said on your cell. And read everything you ever read, and everything you ever typed. And see every location you’ve ever been to. That’s just how cells work. Your privacy is a willful illusion.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “The coronavirus pandemic is exactly the kind of cataclysmic event that brings about drastic changes. I think Medicare For All and UBI are now inevitable. It’s either that, or complete chaos.”

111. “The coronavirus pandemic is exactly the kind of cataclysmic event that brings about drastic changes. I think Medicare For All and UBI are now inevitable. It’s either that, or complete chaos.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Sometimes conspiracy theories are true. Most of the time they’re not.”

112. “Sometimes conspiracy theories are true. Most of the time they’re not.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Stop calling yourself an authoress. You sound like an idiotess.”

113. “Stop calling yourself an authoress. You sound like an idiotess.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Claiming to be offended is a great way to elevate yourself at the expense of others: “Look at me! I’m a much better person than you! And I judge you! I condemn you! Shame! Shame! SHAME!”

114. “Claiming to be offended is a great way to elevate yourself at the expense of others: “Look at me! I’m a much better person than you! And I judge you! I condemn you! Shame! Shame! SHAME!”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “You’re not the butcher, selling sausages. You’re the cow, pre-sausage.”

115. “You’re not the butcher, selling sausages. You’re the cow, pre-sausage.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Hitler loved to describe any newspaper that exposed him for what he was as Luegenpresse, which is German for Fake News.”

116. “Hitler loved to describe any newspaper that exposed him for what he was as Luegenpresse, which is German for Fake News.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “If you like war, be a nationalist. If you like peace, be a citizen of the world.”

117. “If you like war, be a nationalist. If you like peace, be a citizen of the world.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Everyone thinks they’re entitled to their 15 minutes of fame. And it’s that narcissism that makes people, who have no business writing a book, think they can write a book.”

118. “Everyone thinks they’re entitled to their 15 minutes of fame. And it’s that narcissism that makes people, who have no business writing a book, think they can write a book.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “No, coronavirus is not just the flu. It’s highly contagious pneumonia. Covid19 is to the flu what heroin is to aspirin. Vaguely similar, but not at all the same.”

119. “No, coronavirus is not just the flu. It’s highly contagious pneumonia. Covid19 is to the flu what heroin is to aspirin. Vaguely similar, but not at all the same.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Guns are useless against a tyrannical government with tanks and drones.”

120. “Guns are useless against a tyrannical government with tanks and drones.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “How Republicans think: Healthcare for peasants is too expensive. Just let the sick ones die and tell the healthy ones to have more kids. Problem solved.”

121. “How Republicans think: Healthcare for peasants is too expensive. Just let the sick ones die and tell the healthy ones to have more kids. Problem solved.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Medical studies have shown that cursing reduces levels of stress and pain. Repressing your anger is not healthy. It’s much better to verbalize it, and let off steam. Maybe all that repressed anger is the reason why there are so many serial killers in America.”

122. “Medical studies have shown that cursing reduces levels of stress and pain. Repressing your anger is not healthy. It’s much better to verbalize it, and let off steam. Maybe all that repressed anger is the reason why there are so many serial killers in America.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Pro tip: If you can’t think of anything more interesting to post on social media than a picture of your cup of coffee, you are boring and you have nothing interesting to say.”

123. “Pro tip: If you can’t think of anything more interesting to post on social media than a picture of your cup of coffee, you are boring and you have nothing interesting to say.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “If you think of yourself as a follower of Christ’s teachings, if you consider yourself a good person, you are morally obligated to be against greed. It’s your duty as a good person to be against exploitation. It’s your moral duty to be against predatory capitalism.”

124. “If you think of yourself as a follower of Christ’s teachings, if you consider yourself a good person, you are morally obligated to be against greed. It’s your duty as a good person to be against exploitation. It’s your moral duty to be against predatory capitalism.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “It’s the Yelp effect. Every halfwit who eats food suddenly thinks he’s a food critic. And don’t get me started on people “reviewing” books they didn’t even read. Who needs information, when you can have an uninformed opinion?”

125. “It’s the Yelp effect. Every halfwit who eats food suddenly thinks he’s a food critic. And don’t get me started on people “reviewing” books they didn’t even read. Who needs information, when you can have an uninformed opinion?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “The NRA brainwashes you into believing that you need to buy a bunch of guns, to protect yourself from all the people with guns.”

126. “The NRA brainwashes you into believing that you need to buy a bunch of guns, to protect yourself from all the people with guns.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “If Hollywood was a Republican town, Weinstein would still be president, and he’d still be molesting women.”

127. “If Hollywood was a Republican town, Weinstein would still be president, and he’d still be molesting women.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “The NRA kills more Americans than Muslim terrorists do.”

128. “The NRA kills more Americans than Muslim terrorists do.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “You know what I love about writing non-fiction? The story is already there. I just have to write it down.”

129. “You know what I love about writing non-fiction? The story is already there. I just have to write it down.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “The only people who try to deny the existence of Russian trolls are Russian trolls.”

130. “The only people who try to deny the existence of Russian trolls are Russian trolls.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Why is it so hard for many erotica authors to admit that erotica is porn? Everyone loves porn!”

131. “Why is it so hard for many erotica authors to admit that erotica is porn? Everyone loves porn!”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “It’s pretty simple: If we don’t unite behind Biden, Trump wins. Biden may not be everything we want, but Trump is nothing we want.”

132. “It’s pretty simple: If we don’t unite behind Biden, Trump wins. Biden may not be everything we want, but Trump is nothing we want.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “The problem with Trump voters is, they’re so dumb, they don’t even know how much stuff they don’t know. They just assume nobody else knows more about evolution or global warming than they do. If they don’t understand how it works, they think nobody understands how it works.”

133. “The problem with Trump voters is, they’re so dumb, they don’t even know how much stuff they don’t know. They just assume nobody else knows more about evolution or global warming than they do. If they don’t understand how it works, they think nobody understands how it works.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “I liked the ending of The Sopranos. The screen suddenly went black. In the middle of a scene. Without any of the plotlines being resolved. That’s what real life is like. Everything keeps going, until someone turns off the lights and you’re dead. And even then the story continues, without you. There is no such thing as a happy ending.”

134. “I liked the ending of The Sopranos. The screen suddenly went black. In the middle of a scene. Without any of the plotlines being resolved. That’s what real life is like. Everything keeps going, until someone turns off the lights and you’re dead. And even then the story continues, without you. There is no such thing as a happy ending.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “What is evil? Causing others to suffer out of malice.”

135. “What is evil? Causing others to suffer out of malice.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Ten short years ago, nobody had ever heard of a selfie. But today every decent cell phone has not one but two cameras, so you can take idiotic duck face pictures. And don’t forget the billion dollar selfie-stick industry. Capitalism has found a whole new way to turn our vanity into profit.”

136. “Ten short years ago, nobody had ever heard of a selfie. But today every decent cell phone has not one but two cameras, so you can take idiotic duck face pictures. And don’t forget the billion dollar selfie-stick industry. Capitalism has found a whole new way to turn our vanity into profit.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “People looked at him as an orange-faced evil clown with silly hair. Like the Joker in Batman comics. Make Gotham great again!”

137. “People looked at him as an orange-faced evil clown with silly hair. Like the Joker in Batman comics. Make Gotham great again!”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Trump voters hate my books. They can’t stand it when a book makes them think.”

138. “Trump voters hate my books. They can’t stand it when a book makes them think.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “There’s a big overlap between conspiracy theorists, racists, gun nuts, doomsday preppers, fans of the rapture and poor white Republicans. They all have one thing in common: They feel like the oppressed underdogs.”

139. “There’s a big overlap between conspiracy theorists, racists, gun nuts, doomsday preppers, fans of the rapture and poor white Republicans. They all have one thing in common: They feel like the oppressed underdogs.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “North Korea, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, isn’t democratic. The Nazis, the National Socialists, weren’t socialists. And America isn’t the land of the free. It’s all just clever nationalist marketing.”

140. “North Korea, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, isn’t democratic. The Nazis, the National Socialists, weren’t socialists. And America isn’t the land of the free. It’s all just clever nationalist marketing.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “To the people of Beirut, the post-apocalyptic world of The Umbrella Academy is now a reality. They now live in an obliterated world. From this day forward, they exist in a destroyed world. For them, the End Times just happened.”

141. “To the people of Beirut, the post-apocalyptic world of The Umbrella Academy is now a reality. They now live in an obliterated world. From this day forward, they exist in a destroyed world. For them, the End Times just happened.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “When historians in the future ask a really old version of me about this pandemic, I’m gonna tell them that Trump’s MAGA minions were the only ones who had no idea what was happening, while the rest of America stared into the abyss.”

142. “When historians in the future ask a really old version of me about this pandemic, I’m gonna tell them that Trump’s MAGA minions were the only ones who had no idea what was happening, while the rest of America stared into the abyss.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Trump only cares how the covid-19 pandemic affects him, his bank account, and his chances of getting re-elected.”

143. “Trump only cares how the covid-19 pandemic affects him, his bank account, and his chances of getting re-elected.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “If everything Fox News says about liberals were actually true, I’d hate liberals too.”

144. “If everything Fox News says about liberals were actually true, I’d hate liberals too.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “If Fifty Shades is your idea of a good book, you have no idea what a good book is.”

145. “If Fifty Shades is your idea of a good book, you have no idea what a good book is.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Wanna sound smart and witty? Then quote smart and witty people.”

146. “Wanna sound smart and witty? Then quote smart and witty people.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “The Covid-19 pandemic is going to be much worse than Pearl Harbor. It’s going to be nationwide, in every city in every state. And it’s going to last for months, not hours. It’s going to be an elephant compared to an ant.”

147. “The Covid-19 pandemic is going to be much worse than Pearl Harbor. It’s going to be nationwide, in every city in every state. And it’s going to last for months, not hours. It’s going to be an elephant compared to an ant.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Right wing extremists think the whole world is a leftist conspiracy.”

148. “Right wing extremists think the whole world is a leftist conspiracy.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “Nowadays words like “Liberal” and “Muslim” are used by right-wing extremists in the same way as the word “Jew” was used by the right-wing extremists of Nazi Germany.”

149. “Nowadays words like “Liberal” and “Muslim” are used by right-wing extremists in the same way as the word “Jew” was used by the right-wing extremists of Nazi Germany.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

Oliver Markus Malloy Quote: “What I admire most about Republicans is that they never run out of lies.”

150. “What I admire most about Republicans is that they never run out of lies.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

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