Top 160 Oliver Markus Malloy Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “Every couple of days, western news outlets report the latest findings as if it was brand new information. Meanwhile the same stuff has been published in Chinese studies weeks or even months ago. We’re wasting so much valuable time reinventing the wheel.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

102. “Pro tip: If you can’t think of anything more interesting to post on social media than a picture of your cup of coffee, you are boring and you have nothing interesting to say.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

103. “If it’s true that men and women can be ‘just friends’ then how come all cheaters first start out as ’just friends?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

104. “I think future generations are going to look back at our time period and call this the Age of Narcissism.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

105. “If Hollywood was a Republican town, Weinstein would still be president, and he’d still be molesting women.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

106. “People have always been vain. Can you imagine what it was like when some guy invented the first mirror? Maidens probably spent all day and night just staring at their own reflection in the dim candle light of their drafty castle tower, back when the first mirrors were cutting edge technology.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

107. “Self-identify your gender? Why not self-identify your species, too? I’m a dog now.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

108. “Have you heard of the ‘Deaths of Despair’ epidemic in rural America? The quality of life in Republican-run red states is so bad, rednecks are literally killing themselves because they’d rather be dead than live in a Republican state for another day.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

109. “If you’ve never had actual freedom, you don’t miss it. You can’t miss what you’ve never had.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

110. “Why do women love to read about sexually aggressive billionaire bad boy alpha males but condemn the same behavior in real life?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

111. “Yo mama so slutty, Trump still owes her hush money.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

112. “Right wing extremists think the whole world is a leftist conspiracy.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

113. “Nowadays words like “Liberal” and “Muslim” are used by right-wing extremists in the same way as the word “Jew” was used by the right-wing extremists of Nazi Germany.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

114. “Patriotism is a gateway drug to fascism. Tribalism is the gateway to racism.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

115. “What I admire most about Republicans is that they never run out of lies.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

116. “Even if there were no more books published ever, there are still more books in existence today than anyone can read. And most of them suck. Good luck trying to find a good one. It’s like finding a needle in a hay stack.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

117. “Coronavirus needs a better name. Something bad ass, like the Black Plague. I’m thinking Airborne Aids. Or Flying Herpes.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

118. “Democrats care about what’s fair and true. Republicans only care about winning, no matter how much they have to lie and cheat.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

119. “Ever since peasants worked themselves to death to build a pyramid for the Pharaoh, the rich ruling class has sucked the life out of the poor.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

120. “I can’t do everything I want, but I can put a smile on my dog’s face. Making him happy makes me happy.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

121. “2020 was bad. 2021 is worse.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

122. “Conformists are boring. Artists are interesting. That’s the difference between a wannabe writer and a real writer.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

123. “Don’t worry about offending people. Any time you write something thought provoking, some idiots will complain, because they hate it when you make them think.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

124. “Why ban guns? Let’s give everyone rocket launchers! What could possibly go wrong?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

125. “No, coronavirus is not just the flu. It’s highly contagious pneumonia. Covid19 is to the flu what heroin is to aspirin. Vaguely similar, but not at all the same.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

126. “The Covid-19 pandemic is going to be much worse than Pearl Harbor. It’s going to be nationwide, in every city in every state. And it’s going to last for months, not hours. It’s going to be an elephant compared to an ant.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

127. “Guns make losers feel like winners. That’s why people who suck at life don’t want to give up their guns.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

128. “Dear millennials: Youth is fleeting. Stupid is forever.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

129. “When historians in the future ask a really old version of me about this pandemic, I’m gonna tell them that Trump’s MAGA minions were the only ones who had no idea what was happening, while the rest of America stared into the abyss.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

130. “The sad thing is, Trump’s minions have no idea how dumb they sound when they repeat his lies as if they were true.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

131. “If you think of yourself as a follower of Christ’s teachings, if you consider yourself a good person, you are morally obligated to be against greed. It’s your duty as a good person to be against exploitation. It’s your moral duty to be against predatory capitalism.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

132. “The problem with Trump voters is, they’re so dumb, they don’t even know how much stuff they don’t know. They just assume nobody else knows more about evolution or global warming than they do. If they don’t understand how it works, they think nobody understands how it works.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

133. “If Fifty Shades is your idea of a good book, you have no idea what a good book is.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

134. “Capitalism is cruelty for money.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

135. “Mike Pence, the most anti-science religious fundamentalist in Washington, is now in charge of America’s biggest science project ever: finding a cure for the coronavirus. I think we all better start praying.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

136. “Nationalism among nations is like racism among races.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

137. “To the people of Beirut, the post-apocalyptic world of The Umbrella Academy is now a reality. They now live in an obliterated world. From this day forward, they exist in a destroyed world. For them, the End Times just happened.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

138. “The NRA kills more Americans than Muslim terrorists do.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

139. “Jesus was a socialist.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

140. “Men who are willing to do whatever it takes to gain power over others are morally unfit to wield that power.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

141. “WTF is praying gonna do for Vegas? Apparently God likes mass shootings.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

142. “Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Plato “To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

143. “Hitler’s Nazi mob didn’t think of themselves as the bad guys. They thought of themselves as the victims of evil foreigners. Just like Trump’s MAGA mob.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

144. “Did you ever think one day you’d live through a global pandemic, with a doomsday virus, and the Joker is president? Sounds like a bad made-for-TV scifi movie.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

145. “Trump only cares how the covid-19 pandemic affects him, his bank account, and his chances of getting re-elected.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

146. “While the senate goes on spring break during a deadly pandemic, they’re telling us peasants to go back to work, because the billionaires need more billions.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

147. “John Oliver, Trevor Noah, Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher and I have the same sense of humor. They’re just better at it than I am.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

148. “If Jesus came back today, Republicans would stop him at the border.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

149. “Yo mama so stupid, she watches Fox News and voted for Trump.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

150. “Guns are useless against a tyrannical government with tanks and drones.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy