Top 160 Oliver Markus Malloy Quotes (2024 Update)
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101. “Have you heard of the ‘Deaths of Despair’ epidemic in rural America? The quality of life in Republican-run red states is so bad, rednecks are literally killing themselves because they’d rather be dead than live in a Republican state for another day.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

102. “Hitler loved to describe any newspaper that exposed him for what he was as Luegenpresse, which is German for Fake News.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

103. “Nationalism among nations is like racism among races. Racism and nationalism are forms of tribalism. Tribalism always, always leads to war. Why? Because every nation thinks they’re superior to other nations, and their own self-interest is more important than the self-interest of other nations.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

104. “Even if there were no more books published ever, there are still more books in existence today than anyone can read. And most of them suck. Good luck trying to find a good one. It’s like finding a needle in a hay stack.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

105. “Owning a gun proves “In God we trust” is a lie. If you actually trusted in God, you wouldn’t feel like you need a gun.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

106. “2020 books, 2020 quotes, trumpvirus, insurrection, capitol attack, domestic terrorism, trumpism, twitter quotes, trump twitter quotes, january 6th.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

107. “Never forget that the orange clown spent the past 2 months telling us that it’s all just a hoax, and just a flu, instead of preparing the country for the pandemic. The medical supply shortages, and the resulting deaths are Trump’s fault.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

108. “Guns make losers feel like winners. That’s why people who suck at life don’t want to give up their guns.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

109. “So they tell you to buy stuff. More and more and more stuff. Even if you don’t need any more stuff, buy more stuff! Because capitalism is like a pyramid scheme. It must constantly grow, constantly shovel more money to the top, like a sand monster feeding itself sand, or it dies.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

110. “Capitalism is cruelty for money.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

111. “I liked the ending of The Sopranos. The screen suddenly went black. In the middle of a scene. Without any of the plotlines being resolved. That’s what real life is like. Everything keeps going, until someone turns off the lights and you’re dead. And even then the story continues, without you. There is no such thing as a happy ending.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

112. “Everyone thinks they’re entitled to their 15 minutes of fame. And it’s that narcissism that makes people, who have no business writing a book, think they can write a book.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

113. “Nationalism among nations is like racism among races.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

114. “To the people of Beirut, the post-apocalyptic world of The Umbrella Academy is now a reality. They now live in an obliterated world. From this day forward, they exist in a destroyed world. For them, the End Times just happened.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

115. “The NRA kills more Americans than Muslim terrorists do.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

116. “Jesus was a socialist.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

117. “Men who are willing to do whatever it takes to gain power over others are morally unfit to wield that power.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

118. “WTF is praying gonna do for Vegas? Apparently God likes mass shootings.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

119. “Hitler’s Nazi mob didn’t think of themselves as the bad guys. They thought of themselves as the victims of evil foreigners. Just like Trump’s MAGA mob.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

120. “Did you ever think one day you’d live through a global pandemic, with a doomsday virus, and the Joker is president? Sounds like a bad made-for-TV scifi movie.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

121. “Trump only cares how the covid-19 pandemic affects him, his bank account, and his chances of getting re-elected.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

122. “While the senate goes on spring break during a deadly pandemic, they’re telling us peasants to go back to work, because the billionaires need more billions.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

123. “John Oliver, Trevor Noah, Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher and I have the same sense of humor. They’re just better at it than I am.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

124. “If Jesus came back today, Republicans would stop him at the border.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

125. “Guns are useless against a tyrannical government with tanks and drones.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

126. “No, coronavirus is not just the flu. Covid19 is highly contagious pneumonia. Left untreated pneumonia is often deadly. There are not enough hospitals to treat a pneumonia pandemic.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

127. “How Republicans think: Healthcare for peasants is too expensive. Just let the sick ones die and tell the healthy ones to have more kids. Problem solved.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

128. “America is like an isolated information island. A lot of what happens in the rest of the world, a lot of the cultural exchange, never makes it to rural Alabama.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

129. “It’s the Yelp effect. Every halfwit who eats food suddenly thinks he’s a food critic. And don’t get me started on people “reviewing” books they didn’t even read. Who needs information, when you can have an uninformed opinion?”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

130. “Trump’s most fanatic supporters will never admit that he is anything less than the Second Coming of Christ, because it is much easier to brainwash someone into being a zealot than it is to make a zealot realize he has been brainwashed.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

131. “Introverts think about more than just being introverts.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

132. “When we’re really old, people in the future will interview us, because we lived through one of the biggest events in human history. Like the Spanish flu of 1918 that killed over 50 million people. Or the great depression. Or Pompeii. Or the Titanic.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

133. “Apparently Trump voters think God meant for marriage to be between a man, his third wife, and several porn stars.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

134. “Televangelists preach a corrupted perversion of Christ’s socialist teachings. Prosperity gospel is predatory capitalism masquerading as religion.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

135. “Ten short years ago, nobody had ever heard of a selfie. But today every decent cell phone has not one but two cameras, so you can take idiotic duck face pictures. And don’t forget the billion dollar selfie-stick industry. Capitalism has found a whole new way to turn our vanity into profit.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

136. “Why are so many Americans for male circumcision but against female circumcision? Both are equally cruel and barbaric traditions.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

137. “Wanna sound smart and witty? Then quote smart and witty people.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

138. “People looked at him as an orange-faced evil clown with silly hair. Like the Joker in Batman comics. Make Gotham great again!”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

139. “Trump voters hate my books. They can’t stand it when a book makes them think.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

140. “The Wall is nothing more than a talking point Trump uses to trigger his racist and xenophobic base. MAGA minions have been brainwashed by Nazi propaganda techniques to see foreigners as evil monsters who want to exterminate white America, and Trump as their protector who was sent by God.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

141. “Sometimes conspiracy theories are true. Most of the time they’re not.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

142. “Bush warned us about pandemics in 2005. I used to think he was the dumbest, most incompetent president ever. But compared to Trump, Bush looks like Einstein.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

143. “Our entire life we chase the wrong things because we think having more money and buying more stuff will make us more happy. But it doesn’t. You know why a billionaire has 100 Ferraris? Because 99 weren’t enough.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

144. “If everything Fox News says about liberals were actually true, I’d hate liberals too.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

145. “Most Nazis, KKK members, MAGA minions, and other deplorable racists don’t even know they’re racists, because they don’t know that the malicious lies they believe about other races aren’t actually true.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

146. “If Hitler was alive today he’d be a Republican.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

147. “The fictitious men in romance novels are as fake and imaginary as vampires. They’re not real.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

148. “Claiming to be offended is a great way to elevate yourself at the expense of others: “Look at me! I’m a much better person than you! And I judge you! I condemn you! Shame! Shame! SHAME!” These social media shamings bear an uncanny resemblance to medieval witch hunts.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

149. “Every couple of days, western news outlets report the latest findings as if it was brand new information. Meanwhile the same stuff has been published in Chinese studies weeks or even months ago. We’re wasting so much valuable time reinventing the wheel.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

150. “Pro tip: If you can’t think of anything more interesting to post on social media than a picture of your cup of coffee, you are boring and you have nothing interesting to say.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy