Top 160 Oliver Markus Malloy Quotes (2025 Update)

1. “Food for thought: Every dead body on Mount Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy my friends. It may save your life one day.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

2. “The Dunning-Kruger Effect: Dumb people like Trump think they’re super smart, because they are so spectacularly stupid, they don’t even know how much stuff they don’t know. They are so dumb, they don’t even know that other people know a lot more about a topic than they do.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

3. “Religion is divisive. People kill because of it. I think one day religion will be seen as just as intolerant and wrong as racism.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

4. “Dumb people don’t know they’re dumb.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

5. “Guns don’t kill people. Gun owners kill people.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

6. “I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

7. “Most Christian holidays were Pagan holidays first. Christmas trees and Easter eggs have absolutely nothing to do with Jesus. They are Pagan symbols. Christianity is thinly disguised Paganism.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

8. “People in a cult don’t know they’re in a cult. But everyone else can tell.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

9. “Conspiracy theories like Qanon make dumb people feel smart, because they think they’re privy to secret information.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

10. “I’m an Epicurean hedonist. The meaning of life is to enjoy my life.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

11. “First you make people believe they have a problem, and then you sell them the solution. That’s how advertising works. Every snake oil salesman knows that.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

12. “Being religious doesn’t mean you’re righteous. It just means you’re gullible.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

13. “Rainbows are gay space lasers. That’s why they’re not straight.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

14. “Being a self-employed means you work 12 hours a day for yourself so you don’t have to work 8 hours a day for someone else.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

15. “You’re confusing weather with climate. When it’s cold in the winter, that’s weather. When it’s cold in Alaska, that’s climate.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

16. “Right-wing Americans don’t recognize fascism, even when it’s right in front of their face, because they have been brainwashed by fascists their entire lives.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

17. “Tribalism is the root of all wars.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

18. “In America, people with pre-existing mental health issues have access to firearms but not healthcare. Thanks, Republicans!”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

19. “War is like a vacuum cleaner that sucks tax dollars out of your pocket and funnels the money directly into the pockets of the robber barons who own the weapons factories.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

20. “A naked breast is no more a threat to the well-being of a child than a naked hand or foot. So from a European point of view, American media censorship seems utterly ridiculous.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

21. “Have you ever played Monopoly? It’s a board game designed to teach kids capitalism. And what happens in the end? The winner has all the money, and everyone else has nothing. Woohoo! So much fun! That’s literally how America works. That’s why there are a few super rich people who own almost everything, and tens of millions of dirt poor people who have nothing.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

22. “Reading books doesn’t make you smarter. Reading smart books makes you smarter. Reading dumb books makes you dumber.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

23. “The most painful thing in life is to watch the people you love wither away.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

24. “Most people don’t think for themselves. They just regurgitate someone else’s opinion and pass it off as their own.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

25. “Some people looove to feel offended because it makes them feel important. When your only tool is a hammer, suddenly every problem starts to look like a nail. And when the only time you feel relevant is when you claim to be offended, suddenly everything looks offensive.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

26. “The problem with Trump voters is, they’re so dumb, they don’t even know how much stuff they don’t know. They just assume no one else knows more about evolution or global warming than they do.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

27. “What makes a good book? An author who knows how to leave out all the unnecessary bulk and delivers a lean story where not a single word is fluff.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

28. “The purpose of a democratic government is to protect the poor from the rich. The purpose of religion is to protect the rich from the poor.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

29. “The whole purpose of government is to protect the weak from the rich, to make sure the rich don’t eat the poor, the way they used to in the Stone Age, or medieval Europe, when there was no government and no laws stopping the strong from robbing the weak.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

30. “Envy is the desire to have what someone else has. Jealousy is the fear of losing what you have. The more insecure you are about yourself or your relationship, the more jealous you are, because you are afraid to lose your significant other to someone else.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

31. “We live in this bubble of ignorance. Most people know nothing about history, or the historical context of the traditions they still follow today. People do things without knowing why they’re doing them.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

32. “No matter what you do, no matter what you say, someone out there will proclaim how outraged they are, because they think it’s their job to be offended by every God damn thing. It makes people feel important. It makes them feel powerful. It makes them feel like their opinion is relevant.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

33. “There is neither a Heaven nor a Hell. Life after Death is an oxymoron. Life is just another word for existence, and Death is just another word for non-existence.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

34. “Creativity takes courage. It takes courage to bare your soul for the world. It’s like taking off your armor, although you know people have pointy sticks that they love to jab into soft flesh.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

35. “Christians believe that God loves you sooo much... he created hell, just in case you don’t love him back.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

36. “If a girl wants to sell her body, so be it. None of my business. Don’t athletes sell their bodies, too? People can do behind closed doors whatever they want, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

37. “Dear poor white people, I have bad news for you: super rich white people are not your friends. They became super rich by exploiting people like you. That’s not what friends do.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

38. “Right now we live in an age of extreme Political Correctness. It has gone way too far. I hope it’s just a phase. Political Correctness is now just a fancy word for censorship. It’s no longer about protecting the weak. It has become an excuse to persecute others, because persecuting people is fun. Don’t you dare say or think the wrong thing, or a Twitter mob of angry villagers will come after you with digital torches and metaphorical pitchforks.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

39. “I bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like: “Damn, that name is way cooler.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

40. “Americans like to buy things they don’t need, with money they don’t have, to impress people they don’t like. And then they wonder why they’re not happy.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

41. “Albert Einstein agreed with Karl Marx. That’s why Einstein was a socialist too.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

42. “Next time a little edgelord comments “OK boomer” to troll you, just troll him right back and reply with “I bet you like chicken nuggets.” All small children like chicken nuggets.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

43. “The Dunning Kruger Effect: Dumb people like Trump don’t know how dumb they are. They don’t even know how much stuff they don’t know. They don’t know that other people know the stuff they don’t know that they don’t know. Dumb people like Trump believe they know everything there is to know.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

44. “No two dogs are alike. And yet, all dogs have something in common that makes them dogs, and makes them different from cats. The same goes for men and women. The trouble starts when cats don’t realize that dogs are different. Dogs think differently, and perceive the world differently, than cats do. I’m a dog. You’re a cat. And a dog knows better what it’s like to be a dog than a cat does.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

45. “Many fundamentalist Christian Evangelicals are racist because religion and racism are two sides of the same coin. Both are nothing more than primitive tribalism: Us vs Them thinking. That’s why religious nuts and racists can so easily be manipulated into hating someone who is different from them.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

46. “I think there’s something seriously wrong with a society that thinks it’s wrong to tell the truth, because it could potentially hurt someone’s feelings. You’re not doing anyone any favors if you don’t allow snowflakes to develop coping skills, by shielding them from uncomfortable thoughts.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

47. “Everyone thinks they are above average, which is statistically impossible. There have to be below average writers. But nobody sees themselves that way. That means there are a whole lot of bad writers out there, who don’t even know it.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

48. “No, guns were not meant for overthrowing a tyrannical government. Guns were for protecting the tyrannical government against Native Americans and slave uprisings.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

49. “When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they’re black, that’s racism. When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they’re female, that’s sexism. When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they’re a leo, that’s astrology. Notice a pattern? It’s all nonsense.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy

50. “Fun Fact: You know who invented the term Fake News? Not Trump. It was Hitler. Look it up. Hitler loved to describe any newspaper that exposed him for what he was as Luegenpresse, which is German for Fake News.”

— Oliver Markus Malloy