Top 160 Sarah Silverman Quotes (2024 Update)
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51. “Being with friends felt like a burden. I remember just sobbing.”

— Sarah Silverman

52. “All comics want to be musicians. There’s a part of me that wants to be a serious musician. I love songs about heartache and heartbreak.”

— Sarah Silverman

53. “I think Jews tend to hold me in fairly high regard.”

— Sarah Silverman

54. “I just don’t let that mentality be a part of my world.”

— Sarah Silverman

55. “I think fake boobs have done great things for real boobs. I think people finally appreciate real boobs. People like real boobs. I do. I also enjoy the fact that they are life-nourishers.”

— Sarah Silverman

56. “I didn’t lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls “the real way”.”

— Sarah Silverman

57. “I’ll be back. I’ll be black. I’ll be white black.”

— Sarah Silverman

58. “I don’t care if you think I’m racist. I just want you to think I’m thin.”

— Sarah Silverman

59. “I can’t wait till Sunday, I’m gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece...”

— Sarah Silverman

60. “When you’re a bed wetter there’s only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they’re hard to come by.”

— Sarah Silverman

61. “I do love poop. I can’t help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing’s going to get me like dumb stuff.”

— Sarah Silverman

62. “Your inability to see yourself clearly is what’s keeping you alive.”

— Sarah Silverman

63. “I would pretend that I was in a glass box – that I was in this glass container that no one could see, and it protected me. At night I would open the door and get out of the box to go to bed. In the morning, I stepped into it and closed the latch. I dreamed that I would somehow be transported – that all this sadness and fear would actually fuel this glass box and carry me home.”

— Sarah Silverman

64. “The best time to have a baby is when you’re a black teenager.”

— Sarah Silverman

65. “I don’t believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love.”

— Sarah Silverman

66. “People say I’m a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that the absolute power of that transcends, and reaches the audience.”

— Sarah Silverman

67. “When I came out to L. A., I got a part in an episode of ‘Star Trek: Voyager,’ and I hired an acting coach.”

— Sarah Silverman

68. “I love going to weddings. And I love it when my friends get married. I’m not against marriage but it’s just not for me. I’m a vegetarian, but I don’t have a problem if you want a hamburger.”

— Sarah Silverman

69. “I like to think of myself as ‘hot-larious’ I’m cute, but I’m totally approachable.”

— Sarah Silverman

70. “Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.”

— Sarah Silverman

71. “The female nudity in movies is always sexualized.”

— Sarah Silverman

72. “I’m so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.”

— Sarah Silverman

73. “The good news is hopeful doesn’t mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn’t mean smart.”

— Sarah Silverman

74. “Some things are just for private. It’s like people thinking I’m cold or this or that. It’s unfortunate, but I don’t need strangers to know that I’m warm. I don’t need strangers to know the real me.”

— Sarah Silverman

75. “It’s not cold in here, you’re just dying.”

— Sarah Silverman

76. “Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it. That said, critiquing women’s human shells isn’t my thang. Though there’s probably something funny or interesting to be said about those who do it, and what that comes from.”

— Sarah Silverman

77. “Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.”

— Sarah Silverman

78. “I was a bedwetter until I was about 15, and it was humiliating.”

— Sarah Silverman

79. “I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would’ve made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.”

— Sarah Silverman

80. “I talk to friends who get their feelings hurt when they read Twitter mentions. I have an amazing solution – don’t read Twitter mentions.”

— Sarah Silverman

81. “We deserve quality lives with equality.”

— Sarah Silverman

82. “Anything television trivia I’m good at. But when you’re on your couch, you’re really good at it, but when you’re standing there, it’s probably scary.”

— Sarah Silverman

83. “I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it’s for other people to if someone is offended. It’s so subjective, and if you don’t find it funny, it’s definitely going to be offensive.”

— Sarah Silverman

84. “I remember my first standup act when I was seventeen; I did a really lame song about being flat chested. I was doing it in New York, and I remember Kevin Brennan, the guy I lost my virginity to, was like “That song doesn’t make sense, you have tits.””

— Sarah Silverman

85. “I’m very lucky in that I still experience highs and lows and I think those lows are important, but I am not totally paralyzed and it keeps me from just complete state of paralysis emotionally and almost physically.”

— Sarah Silverman

86. “I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I’m totally alone in my body. I’m totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I’m just completely alone.”

— Sarah Silverman

87. “I mean, I love being with friends and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t ultimately start judging you and your choices.”

— Sarah Silverman

88. “I can’t cater to everyone’s needs and what they’re going to be offended by; that’s one freedom I have.”

— Sarah Silverman

89. “I don’t wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white.”

— Sarah Silverman

90. “It shows the truth – that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it.”

— Sarah Silverman

91. “The worst thing that can happen for people who don’t want women to be strong is that we help each other and become a force.”

— Sarah Silverman

92. “Men like to squash you. I just want someone who’s happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn’t have to squash mine.”

— Sarah Silverman

93. “Now you’re in a meeting.”

— Sarah Silverman

94. “Drew Friedman isn’t just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.”

— Sarah Silverman

95. “I don’t want to be a facilitator for other funny people. It doesn’t seem smart for me to be in a comedy and not be funny. My spirit can’t take it.”

— Sarah Silverman

96. “I feel so confident and awesome and sexy when I’m with people who are older than me, and I’ve always been surrounded by people who are older than me. But to be vital in comedy, you have to exist in a world that’s dominated by young people.”

— Sarah Silverman

97. “They’ve got great parents; I’m just trying to be the fun uncle.”

— Sarah Silverman

98. “Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind’s pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.”

— Sarah Silverman

99. “I always look at myself knowing that I will have a certain degree of cognitive distortion.”

— Sarah Silverman

100. “I love making videos on my couch. You can put those on the Internet fast. I can express myself.”

— Sarah Silverman