Top 160 Steve the Noob Quotes (2026 Update)

1. “Better safe than sorry.”

— Steve the Noob

2. “Yes, you must be very careful around thieves. They have the swiftest of hands. They can steal your underwear right off you and you wouldn’t even know it.” I gasped. “Those jerks!”

— Steve the Noob

3. “Uh, no. I got two left feet.”

— Steve the Noob

4. “Are you slow because your big fat butt gets in the way? Yeah, I’d be slow too, if I had a butt that big,” I said.”

— Steve the Noob

5. “There was no toilet and no soft, luxurious double-ply toilet paper for me to use.”

— Steve the Noob

6. “It took me nearly twenty minutes to get there, because there were so many construction projects along the way.”

— Steve the Noob

7. “Oh, my goodness! It’s such an honor to meet you, Steve. I am a huge, huge fan of your work! You are amazing, truly amazing! I never thought that I would ever meet you, but here we are!” he said as his voice rose even higher.”

— Steve the Noob

8. “I’m gonna head back to the battlefield. Take good care of him, please.” “I will.” With that said, I ran back to my squad. “What’s going on?” I asked Rodriquez as I arrived. “Jake and Isaac are going at it,” the knight replied. In the distance, all I saw were orange blurs jumping and zigzagging everywhere around the elder dragon. “They’re doing it. It’s working.”

— Steve the Noob

9. “I slammed my weapon at her. She narrowly escaped it, but the tremors were now stronger, too. Maili wobbled a bit. I laughed. “What’s wrong, wobbly?” “Shut up, fool!”

— Steve the Noob

10. “Every time I get a review, good or bad, it just fills me with motivation to keep on writing.”

— Steve the Noob

11. “You’ve been given another precious chance at life, so don’t waste it.”

— Steve the Noob

12. “Not on my watch,” said Captain Arceus. “Fire at will!” Then Will yelled, “What?! Why?! What did I do?!”

— Steve the Noob

13. “Because you’re so pro and I’m so no.”

— Steve the Noob

14. “She does have a big butt!”

— Steve the Noob

15. “Soon, we became more than friends.”

— Steve the Noob

16. “In times like these, hope is the only thing worth holding on to.”

— Steve the Noob

17. “Oh, but you are, darling. I love you, so therefore, you are my love.”

— Steve the Noob

18. “Yes, I need to recover as soon as possible. Please give me lots food.” The mayor laughed. “I see. Okay! I’ll have Bob cook up a storm for you.” Later that night, Bob returned home from work and cooked up some of the most delicious food ever. I had steak with potatoes, rabbit stew, pumpkin pie, and some cake. I’ve never felt so full. The mayor and Emily stayed over.”

— Steve the Noob

19. “Alright, you party-poopers. We’ll leave,” said the Sage. “But.”

— Steve the Noob

20. “Wouldn’t you like to know, nature boy?”

— Steve the Noob

21. “It’s fine, I’ll take my lunch break now,” replied the pig handler.”

— Steve the Noob

22. “Then in a swift move, she drove the fangs into the disoriented Hawk. AGHHHHHHH!”

— Steve the Noob

23. “A good rogue must be able to complete the obstacle course within a specific amount of time.”

— Steve the Noob

24. “Lucky woke me up the next morning with his super wet tongue. “Bleh! Wolf morning breath!”

— Steve the Noob

25. “Then I started moaning and groaning.”

— Steve the Noob

26. “I woke up a bit late.”

— Steve the Noob

27. “Pffft! I ain’t scared of no zombie. Bring it on! I don’t care if you got a deep, scary voice.” MWAHAHAHAHA! The scary laughter echoed throughout the place. Then a huge shiny figure emerged from the shadows. It was the zombie commander! Steve screamed and fainted. I don’t know if he was pretending to play dead, but he looked pretty lifeless. I nudged him a few times with my foot, but he didn’t move.”

— Steve the Noob

28. “Her face turned a bright red under her half mask. “What?! You think you’re funny, huh? You think I brought this awesome army to your front lawn to mess around, huh?!”

— Steve the Noob

29. “It was so creamy.”

— Steve the Noob

30. “But soon, the green meanie approached. He landed right above my hole. BOOM!!! BOOOOOOM!!! “I see you, pancake!” Ahhhhhhhhh! The shock wave is so powerful when I’m right at the center of it. “I keel you!! Har! Har! Har!” Okay, this is totally not going to work. I won’t be able to rest like this, not with him bouncing right above my head.”

— Steve the Noob

31. “Long trips make my butt hurt.”

— Steve the Noob

32. “Yeah, and check out her butt. It’s, like, ginormous,” said Obsidian. I chuckled. “Wow, you’re right! She does have a big butt!”

— Steve the Noob

33. “That’s a lot of books.”

— Steve the Noob

34. “It is even kind of romantic.”

— Steve the Noob

35. “Sorry, I’m doing the best I can answering your questions truthfully.”

— Steve the Noob

36. “Everyone turned to look at me and started clapping. It was so embarrassing. My hands were all greasy, I had nachos smeared all over my lips and my mouth was filled to the brim with food.”

— Steve the Noob

37. “The necromancer chuckled. “Why would you think I would let a former enemy into my base? And especially when he would be accompanied by his friend, the Uptight Knight?” “Hey, I’m not a knight anymore! I’m a paladin!” retorted Devlin. “Oooh, alright, Mr. Uptight Paladin. Hm, that doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.”

— Steve the Noob

38. “Paul nodded. “Okay, thank you, Lukester.”

— Steve the Noob

39. “It’s hard to penetrate.”

— Steve the Noob

40. “Don’t eat too much candy.”

— Steve the Noob

41. “I’m going to go talk to your manager.”

— Steve the Noob

42. “I woke up the next morning sore all over. I could hardly get myself out of bed.”

— Steve the Noob

43. “Don’t worry, we got it,” Cole replied. “Come on, have I ever let you down before?” With a blank expression, I looked straight into Cole’s eyes. “Hm, don’t answer that,” he said.”

— Steve the Noob

44. “Think about it: you took on a boss spider with her minions, and you made it out alive. I think that qualifies as pretty good.”

— Steve the Noob

45. “Are you saying I’m old?!”

— Steve the Noob

46. “I rolled out of bed and fell straight to the floor. OW! I shouldn’t have done that, but I didn’t know my legs weren’t working.”

— Steve the Noob

47. “Also, I ask that you get at least a minimum of eight hours of sleep each night.”

— Steve the Noob

48. “We’ll have to target an area that’s crawling with those creepy crawlies.”

— Steve the Noob

49. “This power! I never want to lose it!” yelled Isaac. “Come on, guys! It’s time to use it!” said Devlin.”

— Steve the Noob

50. “We are Team Scorpion!” Red yelled. “And we are OUT!”

— Steve the Noob